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PostPosted: Mon Oct 22, 2018 6:45 pm 
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Joined: Sat Oct 20, 2018 4:02 pm
Posts: 10
Lesson 1
1: a) I read this to mean eliminating dangerous situations, blocking unhelpful websites, and ensuring I am not too isolated. All of which I have done as much as is possible for me.
b) Though they may exist to some small degree, they have no real power here. They are far-off echoes of a past life.
c) I have been trying for 10 years already. I'll give myself 10 more if that's what it takes. My commitment only grows as time goes on and my efforts redouble.

2: I want to be proud of the internal work I have accomplished
I want to be consistent between my beliefs and actions
I want to be a good example to my peers and family and spur them on into greater health
I want to be healthy mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually
I want to honour myself and my God
I want to honour my partner
I want to better understand myself, my motivations, desires, quirks, and triggers


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 24, 2018 7:19 am 
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Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 5:29 am
Posts: 389
Hi Snowleopard,

Welcome to RN.

Quote:
Lesson 1
1: a) I read this to mean eliminating dangerous situations, blocking unhelpful websites, and ensuring I am not too isolated. All of which I have done as much as is possible for me.
As a general rule new members tend to record here how they have grown tired of the path that their addiction has taken them to which is driving them to change but only you will know whether your motivators for joining are sound. If so then you are at a good place to make that wish a reality.

There is a part of the Lesson 1 exercise that you have not done which relates to looking at a photo of yourself when very young, perhaps you did not have one to hand but I would strongly encourage you to do this as it becomes important as you go through the ensuring lessons.

Commit , fully and completely. Work through the lessons and understand them , if you miss something ask on the help forum , assistance is always on hand. Coaches and mentors are likely to drop by occasionally but if not, don't worry as this is generally a good indicator that you are on the right path.

Good luck and I look forward to monitoring your progress.

_________________
L2R

A clean life; a clear conscience


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 29, 2018 12:29 am 
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Posts: 10
Lesson 2: My Life's Vision

Passion and Balance. These two seem contradictory, and that is the goal. I do not want to be a zen master (forgive my ignorance if that is inappropriate language). I want to be driven in my passion accomplish things. Passion in my faith, passion for my partner, passion for creativity, passion for helping people. I do not want to be complacent or apathetic. I will be in continual movement towards something (different things for different passions). I also want balance so that I can continue moving for the long haul. This is not a sprint. My movement may not be fast or olympic, but it will be passionate and continual. And it will be balanced to remove tunnel-vision. I will carry all of my passions (faith, partner, creativity, work) in constancy, with openness to change, and in trust of the goodness of God.

Practically, all of this simply means showing up, not giving up, and continuing to build. Being present with my partner, enjoy her, laugh, adventure, experience new things with her. Treating her with the utmost respect, the highest of regard, the tenderness of empathy. To endlessly learn about her,
to see and support her evolution. To apply theology to my daily life, to continually implement ancient wisdom into decisions and worldviews, to love prayer and service. To see people's lives made less heavy, to enable greater health, to educate on the bigness and beauty of the world in reality. To be a bearer of hope, courage, grace, kindness, empathy, compassion, mercy, joy, trust, and love. Mostly Love.


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 29, 2018 11:19 pm 
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Posts: 10
Lesson 3/4: Values (In Priority)

Living with integrity
Feeling loved, appreciated, and enjoyed
Truly loving my partner, and loving her well
Honesty
Being steady and consistent
Consistency between my spiritual and physical lives
Being competent in my work and studies
Accomplishing something meaningful and worthwhile
Supporting my partner in her own passions and balance
Endlessly continue to grow and learn
Loving prayer, work, and service
Enjoying life on the whole
Holding life with elasticity
Living with intentionality and wisdom
Being okay with discomfort when it is necessary
Taking difficulty in stride; facing difficulty head-on
Being emotionally, mentally, and physically healthy
Maintaining health and general progress in my relationships with myself, my partner, and God
Being a catalyst
Running the marathon; the long haul.
Trusting in the ultimate goodness of God
Present-mindedness
Becoming generally confident
Being choosy about what I give my time to, and following through on those choices
Helping people
Honouring people
Being a light to the world
Seeing people and the world as complex, nuanced, and ultimately mysterious
Giving people and the world the benefit of the doubt
Making the world a better place
Being a thinker
Being a doer
Strengthening internal motivation to be successful
Fostering grit
Movement


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PostPosted: Thu Nov 29, 2018 8:14 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3829
Location: UK
SL
Quote:
My commitment only grows as time goes on and my efforts redouble.

perhaps a reflection on this would be worthwhile
Only you can choose
Choose wisely

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 26, 2019 4:36 pm 
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Joined: Sat Oct 20, 2018 4:02 pm
Posts: 10
Lesson 5: My top 15 values
Living with integrity
Feeling loved, appreciated, and enjoyed
Truly loving my partner, and loving her well
Honesty
Being steady and consistent
Consistency between my spiritual and physical lives
Being competent in my work and studies
Accomplishing something meaningful and worthwhile
Supporting my partner in her own passions and balance
Endlessly continue to grow and learn
Loving prayer, work, and service
Enjoying life on the whole
Holding life with elasticity
Living with intentionality and wisdom
Being okay with discomfort when it is necessary


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 26, 2019 4:55 pm 
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Joined: Sat Oct 20, 2018 4:02 pm
Posts: 10
Lesson 6:
Consistency between my spiritual and physical lives
- Pray and read the bible regularly. 3x/week
- Don't worry about being a perfect person. 3x/week is great
- Talk openly about what I believe/think
- Include God in my healing process and in managing my life
Supporting my partner in her own passions and balance
- Ask her about her life and how she is experiencing it
- Encourage her in dancing and spending time with people she cares about
- Pray with her
Living with intentionality and wisdom
- Build a life management system / proactive plan
- Stick to it. Build something I can stick to
- Know that I will be better at it some times than others


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 28, 2019 5:10 am 
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Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 5:29 am
Posts: 389
Hi SL,

Welcome back. You have made some good points here and I hope you can now build some momentum from this point and push on. Good luck with it my friend.

_________________
L2R

A clean life; a clear conscience


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2019 11:24 pm 
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Joined: Sat Oct 20, 2018 4:02 pm
Posts: 10
Lesson 7:

Living with integrity
- Build self-awareness
- Read scripture and pray
- Practice active listening. Pay attention to others
Feeling loved, appreciated, & enjoyed
- read through my truths
- Ask partner to disspell my insecurities when they arise
- Love, appreciate, and enjoy others.
Truly loving Zab
- be honest
- Quit PMO. Rebuild trust. Include her in my healing.
- Encourage her in her own actions
Honesty
- tell the truth. The whole truth
- Tell my partner when I relapse
Being steady & consistent
- implement routines into my mornings and evenings
- Maintain regularity in my practises. Protect the functions of my home.
Being competent in work & studies
- put in the work I need to. Don't aim for the minimum.
- Know when I still have to learn something.
- Rely on peers and colleagues.
- Don't take on more than I can handle. Utilize self-awareness.
- Check my expectations
Accomplish something meaningful/worthwhile
- finish music project
- Become a mentor
- Always have a hobby with a goal in mind
Continue to grow/learn
- stay curious. Look for new things to learn
- Learn continuously at work
- Learn about society, services, and civic function
Loving prayer, work, & service
- don't burn out. Utilize self-awareness
- Put time and heart into these
- Be around people that love these. Make friends if I have to
Enjoying life
- don't listen to the rumination station
- Don't get sucked into perfectionism
- Do fun things, not only passion things. Laugh lots.
- Check my expectations.
Holding life with elasticity
- look for new things
- Pray lots. Ask God about the things in my life
- Don't be afraid of change, but do it smart
Being okay with discomfort
- learn to manage anxiety and fear
- Lean into discomfort as a place to grow and get stronger
- Learn to differentiate difficult emotions
- Do things outside of my comfort zone
- Check my expectations


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 08, 2019 3:37 pm 
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Joined: Sat Oct 20, 2018 4:02 pm
Posts: 10
Lesson 10:

During reading this lesson I had some thoughts. Firstly, I'm quite good at this already. I have already engaged in my partner and myself in this way, and we have agreed to keep doing so regularly, keeping this issue an ongoing topic of discussion. However, one way in which we have not discussed this is in the example given in the lesson. I have always chosen Option 1 and always expected to choose Option 1. But I see now how that doesn't build trust. I am now deciding to prepare our relationship to choose Option 2. We have done this is other areas before, so I know that this preparation will be well received. This helps me see how far I have already come in my recovery in light of more work that I have yet to do.

1. I haven't told my partner that sometimes I find strangers attractive and try to steal glances.

2. This could make things difficult for her while I am at school, she might not want to know this. I will ask her how much she wants to know about how I experience this issue daily and make the decision from there. It could be an opportunity to either build or damage our trust. I cannot make this decision without more input from her. However, I expect that either way we will be able to have a healthy relationship over time, as long as I am recovered otherwise. It could be a limitation, but a worthwhile one.

3. I do not and will not deceive my counsellor.
4. I have no items
5. Strange women for objectification and imagining body parts
6. Basement/Internet: to view porn online
- Bed: to masturbate and fantasize
- Bathroom: to masturbate and fantasize


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 11, 2019 10:40 pm 
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Lesson 12:
I'm not entirely sure I know how I'm supposed to post for this lesson, so I'll take my best guess.

Out of the four patterns at the beginning I think I am associated with a combination of groups 3 & 4.
- I'm not sure I really go the extra mile. I don't really think much about past lessons after they have been completed. But while I am doing the lessons I am taking them seriously, even when I don't think they are very necessary. I am committed to recovery, so I am committed to the program because it will help me truly become healthy.
- I do tend to do risk/benefit analyses, but the risks are always extremely low so far, so I haven't seen that be an issue. I do my best to present my whole and honest self in this Recovery Thread. I am more interested in changing as a person than presenting a changed self. I don't care much about how others perceive me (in this area of my life). I'm here for myself first.
- I haven't gotten to a Time Management Log exercise yet, but I expect I won't be good at it. I have tried tracking my time in the past, it's an activity that simply doesn't play to my inherent strengths. That said, I'm not looking for tangible returns on investment, I'm here for a guideline on how to effectively progress my internal self towards health.

Pattern 1 characteristics that resonate with me:
- They minimize their behavior
- Relapse triggers are seen as opportunities to act out.
- They often experience selfish thoughts when caught acting out (e.g. "Why didn't I see this coming?" "Why didn't I cover that up better?" "Why do I cause myself so much pain?")

Pattern 2 characteristics that resonate with me:
- They believe that they are defective in the sense that their emotions, urges, impulses, etc. are experienced with much more intensity than "normal people". And this puts them at a disadvantage for living a "normal life".
- Depression, anxiety, anger — they are all tightly related to "recovery" and an imbalance in one often leads to an imbalance in the other.
- They perceive "powerlessness" not as absolute powerlessness over their life, but a limited powerlessness over their urges.
- They often experience extreme emotions in relation to acting out — extreme guilt, extreme shame, depression, anger, hatred. Or, they experience very mild emotions — when it has become a pattern that they have resolved to accept as a part of their lives.
- They often experience extreme emotions in relation to acting out — extreme guilt, extreme shame, depression, anger, hatred. Or, they experience very mild emotions — when it has become a pattern that they have resolved to accept as a part of their lives.

I'm hopeful about my recovery.


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 11, 2019 11:22 pm 
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Joined: Sat Oct 20, 2018 4:02 pm
Posts: 10
Lesson 13: Things I recognized in myself

Early Recovery: In the past I have experienced all except for the last 3 points.

Middle Recovery: I am currently experiencing all of these

Late Recovery: I have never recognized any of these in myself, but I HOPE for them!


I think the traits in the Middle Recovery and Late Recovery sections align well with my values of integrity, love, consistency, steadiness, learning, enjoyment, wisdom, and facing difficulty. I am hopeful


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 14, 2019 9:03 pm 
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Joined: Sat Oct 20, 2018 4:02 pm
Posts: 10
Lesson 14: Health Monitoring 1 - Each of these are on a likert scale

How well did I sleep last night?
How stressed do you feel?
How clear is your mind?
How well did you focus?
How curious have you been?
How pure are your thoughts?
How difficult is life overall?
How careful have you been?
How well have you planned? (well = specifically, completely)
How much time did you waste?
How well/much did you meditate?
How much time did you spend on spirituality?
How much do you trust the work you're doing?


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PostPosted: Fri Mar 15, 2019 7:18 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3829
Location: UK
Hi SL
Quote:
I'm not sure I really go the extra mile. I don't really think much about past lessons after they have been completed. But while I am doing the lessons I am taking them seriously, even when I don't think they are very necessary. I am committed to recovery, so I am committed to the program because it will help me truly become healthy.


perhaps this comment should give you reason for concern?, reflection might help

on the one hand you claim commitment, then on the other selective commitment, you cannot be half pregnant I
I hope that you take this as meant, constructively

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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