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PostPosted: Tue Apr 23, 2019 8:03 am 
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Joined: Thu Apr 18, 2019 4:34 am
Posts: 2
Lesson 1 Exercise:
A) 3 Keys to establish a succesful foundation for permanent change
1) Actively committing yourself to change:

About this one I really wanna try it.
I tried this workshop before, let's say about one year ago; Useless to say that It didn't work out.
I wasn't really ready for it I believe, I didn't even wanna fully let go on pornogography maybe, I thought I could have just reduced it, controlled it somehow and most important I didn't really understand the point of the whole thing: Build a better and healtier lifestyle, replacing bad habits with better and more productive ones.
During the last year I've been studying a lot these psychology topics, about addiction, pornography and ocd (I am also HOCD sufferer).
Now I really do know way more about that, but here I am still trapped between the four walls of my mind.
All this studying helped me a lot to develop a better awareness, motivation and foremost made me understand which direction I want my life to take and which values I want it to folllow.
Now this is a journey to change, to the destrying of the old for the rebuilding and replacing of the new (Being aware that there are no such things as destroy and leave empty, in order to work this out replacement with better is needed), to a heatier life overall, to a take of responsabilities of my actions and of my life.
These are my resolutions and this time has to be the right one, I don't mean that I will not fail or fall even once, bt the tie where I actively commit to recovery, to a better life on which I hold the control and to the better self that I am not now and I want to be.
2) Not allowing guilt/shame to sabotage your commitment to change:

To be really honest I don't really know how to deal with this one.
But now I REALLY WANT TO SIT DOWN AND SPEND SOME TIME thinking about this, reflecting and making sure I will remeber my own commitments in times of lack of motivation and courage.
I will try to do this a way that my past and my past actions won't influence me like "you are like this and you'll never change" or "you did this in the past and it doomed and marked you forever, you are your specific actions".
Once I read a quote or heard someone saying "If you want to change, you already have to visualize yourself as the different person that you want to be, don't get stuck with the idea of yourself being lazy, if you want to be productive(for example), think about yoursefl as someone productive that can do productive things, imagine yourself doing productive things even. Don't get stuck with the idea that you and your personality are always fixed and static, and always will be" This has been great help and motivation.
3)Allowing yourself time to change:

There isn't even much to say here, I see this more about not doing, rather than doing.
It is about patience I believe: Not judging, not being mean towards yourself or too strict, just giving yourself time to recover with the love and tollerance that you deserve, compassionate to myself.

B) List of 10-15 genuine reasons why I want to permanently change:
1 I want to get control over my life
2 move to the person that I am to the person that I want to be
3 Have a healtier and less distressing sexual life
4 replace the bad habits that slow me down in my personal growth, with the more productive ones that will help me to grow and improve the quality of my life
5 Establish a better relationship with my sexuality and the way I live it
6 Beat HOCD (this is so important)
7 Recover from porn addiction (this is also vital)
8 Find my way around this world, centre and set a goal about my professional and working life in particular, and pursue it/them
9 Gain self confidence
10 Improve the life of my loved ones and give back what I got from people and from life
11 Love myself better and be at peace with my self
12 Be able to do what I promise or schedule
13 Leave something to this world in a small or big scale doesn't matter, but meaningful to me

C) the picture exercise

I got a bit emotional on this even, but there is not much I can say or I can write; it is more about emotions and ineffable feelings inside me.
Something about you looking at your younger self in the eyes, thinking "everything was so easy and happy back then", "We are gonna get that state of peace and health back, we are gonna do it for me in the present and future and for you, small kid, in the past"


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 25, 2019 8:15 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3844
Location: UK
Hello REG
Quote:
I tried this workshop before, let's say about one year ago; Useless to say that It didn't work out.
I wasn't really ready for it I believe, I didn't even wanna fully let go on pornogography maybe, I thought I could have just reduced it, controlled it somehow and most important I didn't really understand the point of the whole thing:


Hopefully you now realise that you cannot be half pregnant :s: :pe:
recovery has to be more much more than a simple want or desire
it has to become a way of life
just as addiction has become your way of life, taking control and hurting you and others
BUT

if you really do want to improve your life and remove those self inflicted shackles of addiction and to recover from your emotion driven compulsive behaviours then you are at a good place to make that a reality, RN can show you the way
To achieve recovery then commit , fully and completely
work through the lessons and understand them , if you miss something ask on the help forum , assistance is always on hand, this community is supportive to those who demonstrate sincerity in their journey
coaches and mentors are likely to drop by occasionally but if not, don't worry as this is generally a good indicator that you are on the right path, you have not been abandoned

the path is long and difficult but it is well proven and you are not alone, many have taken the path sucessfully, your actions are yours but you are not the first and unfortunately will not be the last
we usually suggest completing about 3 lessons a week but spending time every day posting , reading, evaluating and putting into practice what you have learned, be open be honest, nobody here will judge you
get to know your addiction and see yourself with honesty and openness

remember to work at your own pace and its not a race indeed some consider recovery to be a journey rather than a destination



lets get committed totally committed and look forwards to being that better man
remember the only person that can make these changes is you, so the hard work needs to come from you
looking forwards to reading your posts and wishing you all the best

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Sun May 05, 2019 6:45 pm 
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Joined: Thu Apr 18, 2019 4:34 am
Posts: 2
It’s been a while, and I even relapsed on porn, but I am seeing those relapses in a different way, slip ups in a long journey for a better life.
I am not justifying myself, nor allowing me to do it time by time, I indeed aim to get ‘till the end of this worshop without any more mystakes. But I am also reminding myself that this is probably not a linear process, and that even though is a super busy and stressful moment (I just moved to an other country, broke up with my gf during the cohabitation with her at her place and almost didn’t make to pay the rent for the new house) I should fill the emptiness left from the addiction with the commitment to this journey and other productive activities.

Anyway here is what I came up with my vision of life, I didn’t write it or figure it out in one day but finally I feel like I am taking a direction:

The 22/04/19 I wrote some thoughts down and 5 values emerged:
LOYALTY
LOVE
PEACE
FINANCIAL STABILITY
PRODUCTIVITY
and I now add HAPPINESS
.
I don’t want to waste my days anymore, the activities that I am going to engage have to fullfill my life (or not make me feel like I am wasting time), of course there will be time for relax but I want to be done with endless browsing, porn, too much time spent over socials, playing games and so on.
Rather, I’d like to read more, learn, discover, do something that in the end of the day I regret saying “that activity sucked me up, but I wish I had done something different”.
I want to find my way, pick a path, choose what I want to study at University and pursue that. Not choosing it has been an issue my whole life, for this big kind of decisions especially.
So now it is time to make up my mind and not leave space for uncertainty and avoidance of responsibilities, in order to move I have to pick a direction, or I’ll be stuck forever.


Between the day I wrote this notes down and today I decided that productivity will be one of my pillar values, I have to skill up with problem solving, which base rule is: divide macro problems in smaller ones and face them singularly , so I decided to plan and to set a 1 and half year goal.
The dead line will be to be September 2020, and the goal is to study in an other country a subject that I really like and to get to be a researcher one day.
So I broke it down in 5 steps, listing up all the decision I have to make or steps I have to take, even the ones that might seem more stupid.
Having that scheduled this tight, It is gonna be easier to follow.
Of course the first step it is to decide if I really want to study that and in that city, cause I can’t leave time for surprises anymore, if once I decided I will feel like adjusting that’ll be okay, but I have to cut off all the uncertainties and the avoidance of responsibility (so far most of thr times in my life I’ve acted like procrastinating, cause not getting myself informed even though I was trying to pursue something I thought I liked, was a way to escape from responsibilities).

After second reading the 2nd lesson of the workshop today I also added to my notes:
Develope the tools to improve my life’s quality (especially professional satisfaction) and the one of my loved ones.
Leave a footprint of my presence in this world (doesn’t matter on what level, if global, local, professional, for my family only) as long as I try to do it, to take/create the chanche for it.

TL/DR
The vision that I want to pursue:
Improve the quality of my life through the pursuit of loyalty, love , peace,happiness, financial stability and productivity.
In particular the last one plays a big role in the development lf the tools that will make me achieve my goal:
To be productive means to plan more, fight against avoidance of responsibilities, fulfill my time with productive activities and so on.
A second big point is to leave a footprint of my presence in this World, this can mean many things:
Come up with a worldwide breakthrough in my professional field, improve the environment where I lived in or improve the quality of my loved ones’ life.
This can only be done through the freeing up of my true potential, through the understanding of where I want to channel my energy, simply through the making of decisions (such a terrible issue in my life so far).
Here again productivity is the main value to help me, since such decisions can’t be made if I live an unhealthy life, in which ai don’t plan, nor take responsibilitiew or entage in activities that waste my day, at the end of which I feel like numb and not in control of my life.


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PostPosted: Thu May 23, 2019 4:28 pm 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3844
Location: UK
Hi REG
Quote:
It’s been a while

for sure it has
:pe:
what do you have to lose by pressing on and recording your progress as you go?

remember that this community does support those who demonstrate that the do deserve support

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 25, 2019 3:17 pm 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3844
Location: UK
REG
Now it has been a whole new while longer
recovery is there for those that want it
do you :pe:

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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