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PostPosted: Wed May 22, 2019 6:13 am 
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Joined: Mon Feb 25, 2019 6:16 am
Posts: 7
Lesson 1

A. 1. actively committing yourself to change
It has been many attempts for me to rid myself of my addiction to pornography and excessive masturbation. However, I know in my heart and mind I have never truly applied myself and fought hard to change my life for a better, more meaningful future, and a stronger, competent and responsible me. My addiction begun as a child and has deeply in-grained itself in to my life and how I manage my emotions. Therein lies the problem that I still, at 33, do not see myself as a man. This must change. I actively commit myself to this building a new life of meaning and purpose, and leaving my deviant behaviours in the past.

2. not allowing guilt/shame to sabotage your commitment to change
As I wrote the last sentence of the paragraph above, fear entered my mind that I do not have what it takes to overcome this. Fear, guilt and shame have undone me in the past, and so I am familiar with them. I hope that my recognition of them will help me recognise them for just what they are, hurdles to get over and move on from. Not a simple task, but one I need to remain wary and vigilant of when they show themselves.

3) allowing yourself time to change.
As the title says, 10000 days in the fire is long enough, I have spent a lot of time with this addiction, and the past 4-5 years attempting haphazardly to rid it away. I understand that this is not a task that is achieved overnight, in a week or month, nor something you simply refrain from doing. It will take a lot of time to change/re-wire the neuro-chemistry within my brain. I understand that I will need to be patient and give myself time to change.

B.

1. I want to live my life to its fullest potential
2. I want to discover who the real me is
3. I want to love the real me
4. I want my mind to be at peace
5. I want to wake up and feel alive
6. I want to be socially engaging
7. I want to be fit and healthy
8. I want to be successful in achieving my goals and life pursuits
9. I want to be proud of myself
10. I want to find a woman to spend my time with
11. I want my partner to be able to trust me
12. I want to show love and appreciation to my partner
13. I want to have a healthy and active sex life with my partner
14. I want to have a family
15. I want to grow old knowing I overcame this.


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PostPosted: Wed May 22, 2019 2:23 pm 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3846
Location: UK
Hello Spirale

Quote:
I know in my heart and mind I have never truly applied myself and fought hard to change my life for a better, more meaningful future, and a stronger, competent and responsible me.

sorry but if you continue in that same way you are just wasting your time, you will fail

for change you do need commitment, RN is not a one stop fix all course but it is a great roadmap and I believe that anyone who really does want recovery can achieve it
IMO addiction is not a sickness it is a weakness
if you really do want to improve your life and remove those self inflicted shackles of addiction and to recover from your emotion driven compulsive behaviours then you are at a good place to make that a reality, RN can show you the way
To achieve recovery then commit , fully and completely
work through the lessons and understand them , if you miss something ask on the help forum , assistance is always on hand, this community is supportive to those who demonstrate sincerity in their journey
coaches and mentors are likely to drop by occasionally but if not, don't worry as this is generally a good indicator that you are on the right path, you have not been abandoned

the path is long and difficult but it is well proven and you are not alone, many have taken the path successfully, your actions are yours but you are not the first and unfortunately will not be the last
we usually suggest completing about 3 lessons a week but spending time every day posting , reading, evaluating and putting into practice what you have learned, be open be honest, nobody here will judge you
get to know your addiction and see yourself with honesty and openness

remember to work at your own pace and its not a race indeed some consider recovery to be a journey rather than a destination

the only person that can make these changes is you, so the hard work needs to come from you
looking forwards to reading your posts and wishing you all the best

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 08, 2019 10:45 pm 
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Joined: Mon Feb 25, 2019 6:16 am
Posts: 7
Thanks for your input Kenzo, greatly appreciated.

I have been missing a while unfortunately, partly to giving up all my electronic devices for a week, which didnt bring halt to my addiction, and also complacency. I plan again soon on giving up all my electrical devices.

This feels odd to say in reference to what you were saying about commitment Kenzo, but its true, I dont know how to commit wholeheartedly.. I've said in my mind so many times in the past 'this is it, im committing to this' that ive lost belief in the phrase. But beyond mental commitments that have failed, i have never practically followed/actioned this workshop or a true lifestyle based approach to recovery. This makes me think at this moment that it is not my momentary motivation that alludes me to believe i am committing to recovery, but to see myself committing to recovery through my ongoing actions.


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 08, 2019 10:48 pm 
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Joined: Mon Feb 25, 2019 6:16 am
Posts: 7
Lesson 2 - My life vision

I see myself on a path of ongoing growth and development in many fields of life.

Education/Work-life

I see myself continuing in my current direction of pursuing experiences, knowledge and education in fields that will advance into a career that brings pride, meaning and purpose, and is manageable to progress and/or change to something else is I age. My pursuit, unlike now, is more directed, disciplined, inspired and enjoyed. I clearly understand the process I am following, even when it feels/is wrong, changes and/or re-directs, and I draw calmness and clarity from this understanding.

Body

I understand and promote within myself the benefits both physically and mentally that exercise and new/differing physical experiences bring to me and others through my better overall health.
I hold nutrition to a higher standard and work toward increasing my overall health through healthier and wiser eating habits.

Mind

I maintain my continual pursuit of experience and knowledge of the reality between myself, conscious experience, spirituality, and my mental health, and utilise them in times of weakness, becoming stronger and wiser.
Socially/relationships
I overcome that I don’t understand of the disconnect I feel at times with my family, and become strong enough to improve our relationships for the betterment of all of our time spent here.
I become stronger willed, and proud taking my place within society, expecting and acknowledging the respect I deserve from myself and others.
I see myself becoming a man whom through his continual growth and development can provide intimate support and love to someone in a mutually beneficial relationship, that will progress to a new level of connected growth and development that would be unattainable on my own.


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 03, 2019 5:12 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3846
Location: UK
Hello Sp
Quote:
I have been missing a while unfortunately

unfortunately!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
my friend you chose to be missing, perhaps ask yourself why
perhaps decide do you want recovery and will you strive for it, dedicate time and energy for it , or not

RN is a proven road map but you and you alone have to do the driving
choose my friend the benefits and rewards are there for the taking
is it easy? hell no but staying in addiction destroys

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 19, 2019 6:48 pm 
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Joined: Mon Feb 25, 2019 6:16 am
Posts: 7
Ive been gone for a while, but im glad to be back. I feel more determined now then I ever have to create a new life and end this addiction.

Kenzo, thank you for your bluntness and support. I am making this my number 1 priority.

Lesson 3 - Values

1. Persistence
2. Courage
3. Bravery
4. Vulnerability
5. Risk taking
6. Knowledge
7. Skill
8. Observation
9. Critical Analysis
10. Dedication
11. Applying oneself
12. Attention to detail
13. Reliability
14. Quality workmanship
15. Creativity
16. Art
17. Craftsmanship
18. Design
19. Humbleness
20. Living with conviction
21. Eagerness to learn
22. Professionalism
23. Recognition as an expert in my field
24. Pride
25. Ethical decision making
26. Caring
27. Dependability
28. Expressing oneself
29. Motivation
30. Inspiration
31. The outdoors
32. The natural environment
33. Nutrition
34. Joy
35. Happiness
36. Researching
37. Studying
38. Communication
39. Learning
40. Trial and error
41. Learning through action
42. Learning from mistakes
43. Taking chances
44. Focus
45. Following your heart
46. Success
47. Hard work
48. Healthy body
49. Healthy mind
50. Healthy spirit
51. Adventure
52. Exercise
53. Fitness
54. Perspiration
55. Muscle ache
56. Exhaustion
57. Strength
58. Agility
59. Flexibility
60. Resilience
61. Challenges
62. Stress
63. Meditation
64. Stillness
65. Clarity
66. Expressing my spirituality
67. Attaining deeper spirituality
68. Wisdom
69. Conscious awareness
70. Freedom
71. Honesty
72. Diversity
73. The worlds cultures
74. Foods of the world
75. Determination
76. A good nights sleep
77. Inward and outward reflection
78. Teachings from others
79. Forgiveness
80. Understanding
81. Inner peace
82. Social engagement
83. Respect
84. Humour
85. Support
86. Community
87. Friendship
88. Family
89. Improving relationships
90. Sexual pleasure
91. Love
92. Intimacy
93. Connection
94. Being in a relationship
95. Sexual Attraction
96. Understanding
97. Acceptance
98. Admiration
99. Patience
100. Being truthful
101. My legacy


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 19, 2019 7:28 pm 
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Joined: Mon Feb 25, 2019 6:16 am
Posts: 7
Lesson 4 - Hierarchy of values

Ive taken the top 50 from my previous list and out them in a fairly organised hierarchy. The other 50 values could be put in at any order it seemed. The Top 20 are what I would most like to work on as of this moment. I imagine these value orders would change considerably day to day, month to month. But it will make a good start for me.


Applying myself
Healthy body
Nutrition
Exercise
Healing
Healthy mind
Discipline
Sacrificing short term pleasure
Learning through action
Happiness
Learning from mistakes
Not caring
Trying new things
Social connection
Motivation
Persistence
Living with conviction
Patience
Critical Analysis
Dedication
Knowledge
Courage
Risk taking

Reliability
Ethical decision making
Resilience
Meditation
Adventure
Honesty
Community
Friendship
Family
The natural environment
Flexibility
Agility
Strength
Studying
Learning
Connection
Communication
Hard work
Challenges
Stillness
Clarity
Social engagement
Respect
Being in a relationship
Sexual Attraction
Sexual pleasure
Focus
Honesty
Humor
A good nights sleep


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PostPosted: Sat Nov 23, 2019 7:48 pm 
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Joined: Mon Feb 25, 2019 6:16 am
Posts: 7
Lesson 5


Discipline – the crux of it all
Nutrition – eat food that fuels, heals and serve me
Exercise – become faster, flexible, stronger everyday
Study – treat it like a workday 9-5
Sacrificing short term pleasure – for longer term success
Meditation - everyday
Healing – give my mind and body the opportunity to heal
Knowledge – forever expanding
My Masculinity – Become the man I want to be, own it.
Risk taking – embrace the fear new opportunities bring
Social connection – don’t disregard its importance
Not caring – don’t let other people and your mind effect, cripple, stagger, destroy you
Ownership – I am 100% responsible for me
Learning through action – key part is the need to act
Patience – this is long difficult road. Patience is needed


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 25, 2019 10:46 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3846
Location: UK
Hi
Quote:
I feel more determined now then I ever have to create a new life and end this addiction.


you feel more determined or are more determined?
the choice is simple to make


Quote:
Discipline – the crux of it all


absolutely :g:

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 26, 2019 8:28 pm 
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Joined: Mon Feb 25, 2019 6:16 am
Posts: 7
Good pick up Kenzo, thanks for that :g:

Lesson 6 - Proactive Action Plan 1

Nutrition – eat food that fuels, heals and serve me

• Prioritise knowledge building in this area – continue to research websites, books etc. (but don’t lull and get caught up researching and not changing!)
• Stick to ‘diets’ at least 3 weeks to see if IBS symptoms have improved and energy levels increased
• Research and create a meal plan every week to ensure meals fit within the ‘diet’ and all meals are covered.
• Make a shopping list and go buy the items on the list, purchasing groceries for at least 4 days ahead (take the shopping list).
• For short term – don’t get caught up in in vegetarian vs meat, once a diet is established that works, we can refine it and improve it. DON’T GET CAUGHT UP IN IT.
• Breakfast is important. Don’t skip anymore.
• If I buckle on a diet, I don’t dwell. I continue with the plan and start again.


Exercise – become faster, flexible, stronger everyday
• Prioritise knowledge building in this area – continue to research websites, books etc. (but don’t lull and get caught up researching and not changing!)
• Commit to rehab exercising and/or stretches on the daily – meaning if I am over doing it with the exercises I can always stretch. Don’t underdo the exercises.
• Just because of my injuries does not mean I can’t strengthen and condition other parts of my body.
• Change gyms, get a personal trainer and align rehab exercises with strengthening and conditioning program at the gym.
• New morning routine – wake up early, 6am and ride to the gym to start the day in a positive way.
• Evening routine begins at 9.30. Start to unwind, close down distractions and be in bed at or before 10.
• You will only be comfortable with it by doing it.


[b]My health is the number 1 priority[/b]


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