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PostPosted: Mon Nov 18, 2019 6:14 pm 
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Joined: Sat Nov 02, 2019 8:58 am
Posts: 7
Question 1

Where am I now with:

i) Actively commiting myself to change - I am conning myself in this area. I am reading lots of recovery literature, attending Counselling sessions and group meetings, however I still engage in the same leading behaviours and hold onto unhealthy attitudes. I spend lots of times objectifying women on the internet and in many life settings. I take myself too seriously and I am always looking to take the role of victim giving me a justification to resent others and isolate.
ii) Guilt /shame to sabotage my commitment to change - These feelings constantly hold me back at the moment. Until now, I did not want to look into the reasons why I was struggling with long periods of emotional pain. I did not want to recognise this pain was a result of guilt and shame around compulsive masturabation and visiting escorts and massage parlours.
iii) Allowing myself to change - I am impatient at present. I see any new recovery literature or internet material as an instance fix to my addiction. I whiteknuckle sobriety and do not place too much attention into imrpoving my emotional maturity/intelligence and physcological well being. I am starting to be more kinder to myself by recognising that recovery is about progress not perfectionism.

Question 2

What Permanent Changes do I want in my Life:

1) To accept & be comfortable with who I am.
2) To have boundaried and healthy relationships with people.
3) I want to be honest and transparent with my wife.
4) I want to be more emotionally supportive to wife and children.
5) To care of emotional and physical needs in a healthy way.
6) To trust myself and others,
7) To recognise past life experiences as a learning experience.
8) To be more purposeful in all areas of my life.
9) To respect, love and cherish my wife.
10) To live life in the moment.
11) To release resentment of others.
12) To develop kindness and compassion for myself and others.
13) I want to understand & appreciate my strengths and defects of character.

Question 3

Looking at my Child photo:

I was numb, sad and empty inside. I tried to connect to the little boy who was had the expression of innocent joy and happiness in the photo but it felt so uncomfortable. The sadness brought a tears to my eyes. I think I will try again later into recovery after completing a few more lessons.


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 25, 2019 10:40 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3844
Location: UK
Hello Augustus
and welcome to RN

Quote:
Actively commiting myself to change - I am conning myself in this area. I am reading lots of recovery literature, attending Counselling sessions and group meetings, however I still engage in the same leading behaviours and hold onto unhealthy attitudes


realise that these are simply your choices

Quote:
To accept & be comfortable with who I am.


perhaps this would be better as "with whom I strive to be" ?


To achieve recovery then commit , fully and completely
work through the lessons and understand them , if you miss something ask on the help forum , assistance is always on hand, this community is supportive to those who demonstrate sincerity in their journey
coaches and mentors are likely to drop by occasionally but if not, don't worry as this is generally a good indicator that you are on the right path, you have not been abandoned

the path is long and difficult but it is well proven and you are not alone, many have taken the path sucessfully, your actions are yours but you are not the first and unfortunately will not be the last
we usually suggest completing about 3 lessons a week but spending time every day posting , reading, evaluating and putting into practice what you have learned, be open be honest, nobody here will judge you
get to know your addiction and see yourself with honesty and openness

remember to work at your own pace and its not a race indeed some consider recovery to be a journey rather than a destination

good luck

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Mon Nov 25, 2019 11:05 am 
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Joined: Sat Nov 02, 2019 8:58 am
Posts: 7
Thank you for your guidance and help Kenzo.

Kind regards

Mark


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