Recovery Nation

Personal Development Forum
It is currently Thu Dec 12, 2019 5:34 am

All times are UTC - 5 hours




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 13 posts ] 
Author Message
 Post subject: CLYNE PERSONAL HEALING
PostPosted: Sat Sep 21, 2019 1:26 am 
Offline

Joined: Mon Aug 26, 2019 1:49 am
Posts: 14
FAMILY IS LIFE
My vision for the rest of my days.
I am committing to devoting the rest of my life to my wife and my family. To my wife who I love completely and have loved since we first became partners and to whom I owe so much, I commit to become a better person, to become a person she will trust and believe in once again. I commit to making our relationship one that is happy, loving and stress-free. I commit to my children and grandchildren to always be available for them, to always help them in any way I can and to always show them how much I love them. I also commit to treat my friends with care, loyalty and respect.
I am committing to controlling my life and being happy and at peace with myself and the way I live. I want to have respect for myself, I want to enjoy my life with my friends and family by being honest with myself and being totally free of any secrets in my being. I want to fulfil my potential in being creative without anything holding me back or disrupting my thoughts or my progress. I don't want my addiction or impulsive behaviour to waste anymore of my time and energy. I want to be proud of myself, I want to like who I am, I want to feel free and I want to feel that I have integrity that I am truthful always and that I can do anything I put my mind to. I want to be and feel healthy and I control of my life.
My vision is to do these things and leave a legacy of someone who cared for and loved his family and friends and in the end was a decent honest and trustworthy person.

My reasons for wanting to change my fix my addictions and get a healthy new life.
I don’t want the things I do to ever come between me and my wife again.
I am tired of seeing my wife hurt by what I do.
I want to stop the sickening remorse I feel every time I have to deal with what I have done.
I want to live without having secrets dragging me down
I want to feel that the trust I know people have in me is deserved and not misplaced.
I want to have one true me, not a dark side that I always need to be covering for.
I want to be mentally healthy.
I want to believe in my self.
I want to reach my potential without being sabotaged by my addiction.
I want to be in completely in control of myself and my actions.
I don’t want my addictive behaviour to damage my relationships with my loved ones or my friends.
I want to trust myself completely.
I want my wife to trust me completely.
I want to be free of the compulsive behaviour that make me feel fake, and undeserving of the love and care others have for me.
I want to feel genuine and deserveing of that faith and love and respect.
I want to be the person I think I am not the person who constantly gets in the way of my life being fulfilling and decent and normal.


Last edited by clyne on Tue Oct 01, 2019 5:22 am, edited 3 times in total.

Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sat Sep 21, 2019 2:58 am 
Offline
Recovery Mentor

Joined: Wed Nov 14, 2018 2:39 am
Posts: 149
Welcome to RN Clyne,

You have definitely come to the right place.
My main tip for you would be:
Take your time with each lesson and fully commit to completing the course no matter what.

There are plenty people on here to help and you can ask questions in the recovery forum if you need to.

Good luck!

_________________
“Change your thoughts, change your life.” ~Lao Tzu
Regards
T


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Mon Sep 23, 2019 7:05 am 
Offline

Joined: Mon Aug 26, 2019 1:49 am
Posts: 14
Theseus1112 wrote:
Welcome to RN Clyne,

You have definitely come to the right place.
My main tip for you would be:
Take your time with each lesson and fully commit to completing the course no matter what.

There are plenty people on here to help and you can ask questions in the recovery forum if you need to.

Good luck!


Thanks T


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Tue Oct 01, 2019 6:13 am 
Offline

Joined: Mon Aug 26, 2019 1:49 am
Posts: 14
HEALTHY VALUES
be a trustworthy partner to my wife
be a loving partner to my wife
always be honest with my wife
always be supportive my wife
to be loved freely by my wife
to be freely intimate with my wife
to always be there for my wife when she needs me
to strengthen our friendship
to cement our relationship
to allow my wife to be confident and comfortable with my love for her
strengthen my relationship with my son
reach out to my oldet son
living with integrity
living with compassion and understanding
live an honest life
look after my health
spend more time with my grandchildren
make more of an effort with my friends
create music by myself
create music with my fiends
make contact with my sister
spend time with my brother
to pursue my music activities more actively
finish jobs I have started and never completed
have control of my actions
be respected and be respectful of others
communicate my feelings
feel happy and content
be more active
feel in total control of my life
have more focus on my life
be a good example to my family
be less self indulgent
be creative
be known as truthful and honest
feel accomplished
be open minded to beliefs and values of others
have self discipline
take care of myslf
take care of my wife and my family
have pride in my home and possessions
achieve personal growth and development
plan for our future financially
learn some new skills
do something challenging
encourage lora to pursue new challenges

DARKSIDE
selfishness
being dishonest
keeping secrets from loved ones
disrespectful to loved ones and friends
hiding my actions
fear of being exposed
sneakiness
shame
guilt
remorse
stress and uneasiness
lack of self control
wanting to be someone else
weakness giving into impulses
time wasting
denial
lying
covering up
defensiveness


Last edited by clyne on Sun Nov 10, 2019 12:22 am, edited 2 times in total.

Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Fri Oct 04, 2019 7:08 am 
Offline

Joined: Mon Aug 26, 2019 1:49 am
Posts: 14
clyne wrote:
Theseus1112 wrote:
Welcome to RN Clyne,

You have definitely come to the right place.
My main tip for you would be:
Take your time with each lesson and fully commit to completing the course no matter what.

There are plenty people on here to help and you can ask questions in the recovery forum if you need to.

Good luck!


Thanks T


I am wondering if you may be able to help me or guide me to the best way to get advice with one lesson that had me stumped a little. In lesson three where I needed to take my values from my Vision, the lesson asked me to find values in my dark side, compulsive behaviours, sexual behaviours. I didn't quite understand what values they would be or could be from that side of myself. Are you able to shed any light on what tat means?


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Fri Oct 04, 2019 7:41 am 
Offline
Recovery Mentor

Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 5:29 am
Posts: 393
Hi Clyne,

Asking you for your dark side values can seem a strange thing to do but the point of the exercise is to flag to you the values that you have in play as an addict which will seem quite skewed in the cold light of day. For example, when you are faced with an opportunity to act out then perhaps the value you have is "If it appeals to me then i am going to do it regardless of the consequences". This is clearly not a good value to have but after the exercise you can compare this list to your healthy values list that you will have derived from your Vision which will then show the complete contrast between the two. Once you have identified the two lists it will hopefully hit home how far you have moved away from your healthy values and, once aware, you can make start to more conscious decisions when facing opportunities to act out in the future. This is all about laying down the foundations to the workshop in these early lessons.

As an aside, it is quite acceptable to look at other peoples' threads, i know that i found that helpful when going through the workshop and was not quite sure what a particular exercise was getting at and by looking at how others had answered it then it gave me a better idea of how i would approach it myself. Of course posting a similar query to your thread is also fine.

I hope that helps, if not please post accordingly again to your thread.

_________________
L2R

A clean life; a clear conscience


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sat Oct 05, 2019 2:24 am 
Offline
Recovery Mentor

Joined: Wed Nov 14, 2018 2:39 am
Posts: 149
Hi Clyne,

L2R is bang on the mark with what he said

My lesson 3 darkside list to me did not necessarily look like values, but they were exactly how how I lived my life.
The contrast I saw and hopefully what you will see is a huge trigger to move forward and away from all of it.

_________________
“Change your thoughts, change your life.” ~Lao Tzu
Regards
T


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Mon Oct 07, 2019 4:24 am 
Offline

Joined: Mon Aug 26, 2019 1:49 am
Posts: 14
learningtorun wrote:
Hi Clyne,

Asking you for your dark side values can seem a strange thing to do but the point of the exercise is to flag to you the values that you have in play as an addict which will seem quite skewed in the cold light of day. For example, when you are faced with an opportunity to act out then perhaps the value you have is "If it appeals to me then i am going to do it regardless of the consequences". This is clearly not a good value to have but after the exercise you can compare this list to your healthy values list that you will have derived from your Vision which will then show the complete contrast between the two. Once you have identified the two lists it will hopefully hit home how far you have moved away from your healthy values and, once aware, you can make start to more conscious decisions when facing opportunities to act out in the future. This is all about laying down the foundations to the workshop in these early lessons.

As an aside, it is quite acceptable to look at other peoples' threads, i know that i found that helpful when going through the workshop and was not quite sure what a particular exercise was getting at and by looking at how others had answered it then it gave me a better idea of how i would approach it myself. Of course posting a similar query to your thread is also fine.

I hope that helps, if not please post accordingly again to your thread.


Thanks for your advice Learning to run, very helpful cheers.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Mon Oct 07, 2019 4:29 am 
Offline

Joined: Mon Aug 26, 2019 1:49 am
Posts: 14
Theseus1112 wrote:
Hi Clyne,

L2R is bang on the mark with what he said

My lesson 3 darkside list to me did not necessarily look like values, but they were exactly how how I lived my life.
The contrast I saw and hopefully what you will see is a huge trigger to move forward and away from all of it.


Thanks L2R, I understand now and you are right it is helping me to see the difference between how I have lived and how I want to live, cheers.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Mon Oct 14, 2019 5:53 am 
Offline

Joined: Mon Aug 26, 2019 1:49 am
Posts: 14
My Prioritized Values:
To be an honest and trustworthy partner to my wife
to live with integrity
to be respected and respectful
to strengthen my relationship with my son and daughter
to strengthen my relationship with my grandchildren
to be respectful and supportive of my wife
to strengthen my friendship with my wife
to be healthy
to be happy and content
to look after our house and belongings
to be in control of every aspect of my life
to not be self indulgent
to be creative
to help other people
to reconnect with my brother

to live an honest life and do what is right


Last edited by clyne on Sun Nov 10, 2019 12:16 am, edited 1 time in total.

Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Thu Oct 17, 2019 6:34 am 
Offline

Joined: Mon Aug 26, 2019 1:49 am
Posts: 14
TO STRENGTHEN MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY GRAND KIDS
I need to make more time to spend with the kids not just when asked to babysit.
Take them out at least once a month even if it is just for a meal.
Get them to come for a sleep over once a month if possible.
STRENGTHEN MY RELATIONSHIP WITH BROTHER.
Call Doug once a month just to check how he is.
Suggest we meet for a beer at his local very couple of months.
Go to the footy with him a couple of times a year.
TO BE HEALTHY
Get serious about managing my Diabetes to avoid the complications that will come down the track.
Make regular trips to my GP to keep on top of my ongoing issues.
Improve my diet with a healthy eating plan and a stricter regime of avoiding the foods that I know are making my condition hard to manage.
Go for walks with my wife.
Get back into riding our bikes this summer.
Stay focused on my recovery and values that make me feel god about myself and my life.
TO LOOK AFTER OUR HOUSE AND BELONGINGS
So many jobs need to be finished.
Make a list with my wife and prioritise what needs to be done around the house.
Follow each job through until it is complete before starting a new project.
Work on each job together and make it enjoyable not a chore.
Regularly do whatever maintenance is required to keep things in good shape?
Seriously start decluttering and getting used to letting things I don't need go.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sun Nov 10, 2019 5:44 am 
Offline

Joined: Mon Aug 26, 2019 1:49 am
Posts: 14
LESSON 7 PRO AVTIVE PLAN:

TO BE AN HONEST AND TRUSTWORTHY PARTNER TO MY WIFE
Never do anything that I would need to be deceptive about or hide from Lora.
Always stay focused on what I am aiming to achieve and being in the moment with my wife.
If I never give my wife reason to doubt me or my actions she will never have reason to not trust me.
Always tell my wife what I have planned or need to do.
Put everything on the calender.

TO BE RESPECTFUL AND SUPPORTIVE OF MY WIFE
Always listen to what my wife has to say and think about what she has to say and think about what she has said before commenting or answering.
Always make the effort to understand where her thoughts and concerns are coming from.
Engage in open honest conversations without distractions like TV.
Never finish a conversation unless we both agree it is finished.
Always give her the time, space and encouragement to do whatever she is endeavouring to pursue.

STRENGTHEN MY FRIENDSHIP WITH MY WIFE
Enjoy life with my wife and have fun together.
Do things my wife is keen to try or already enjoys doing such as bike riding and bushwalking.
Don’t be grumpy or selfish.
Encourage her to make the agenda.
Do new things together like a class in something.
Encourage my wife to take the lead and be confident I will always be behind her.
Encourage my wife to decide where and what our next holiday will be.

TO BE HEALTHY
I must start taking my Diabetes seriously. I am already suffering some of the long term effects and I know it will only get worse, how much worse depends entirely on me.
Check my sugars more often and change my diet to avoid the rubbush that is causing me to have poor control of my Diabetes.

LOOK AFTER OUR HOUSE AND BELONGINGS
Make alist of the things that need to done and prioritise the list. Focus on one job at a time until it is completed before moving on to the next task.
Start decluttering our home and sheds. Go through all the stuff we have stored and sell, give away or throw out all that we don’t or never ill use.
Keep on top of the maintenance.

DON’T BE SELF INDULGANT
Always consider others ideas and suggestions before putting forward my input.
Learn to follow or just go along with other people’s ideas rather than trying to get things to go the way I want.
Don’t be so private, include my wife in all my thoughts and actions and plans to avoid any thoughts of secrecy it may suggest.

BE CREATIVE
Make the time to start and finish my musical projects.
Doing creative things always gives me a lot of satisfaction enjoyment and self-fulfilment so do more whenever possible.

HELP OTHER PEOPLE
Always be willing to help friends or even strangers if I see a need.
Don’t wait to be asked for help just offer a hand.

LIVE AN HONEST LIFE AND DO WHAT IS RIGHT
Be transparent about everything always
Have no secrets
Be open and honest with my feelings and desires
Don’t be scared to speak my mind


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sun Nov 17, 2019 11:18 pm 
Offline

Joined: Mon Aug 26, 2019 1:49 am
Posts: 14
PLACES AND ITEMS I HAVE STASHED
10 Porn DVD’s in a draw in my bedroom
Around 100 Porn pictures on a memory stick in my office
Collection of around 30 pair of women’s underwear in my workshop
A box of around 50 pair my wife’s old panties and 10 bras in a draw
A box of 20 old porn videos in my office
All of the above I have deleted or disposed of over the last year or so.
I still have a hard drive with homemade porn movies and pics of myself my wife and a male friend of ours

LIST OF PEOPLE USED AS COMPULSIVE SEXUAL OBJECT

I have only acted out once in more than a year now and that was over six months ago, but when I was acting out which was very often these were the triggers I remember.
Over my years of acting out I have used many fantasies involving female friends and acquaintances and memories of girls from my schooldays and teenage years as well as random women seen in public and memorised. Always just fantasies I never had any actual physical experience with anyone.
My wife remembering things we have done together and also fantasising about her in different imagined situations
Our male best friend remembering things we have done together, done with my wife and also in imagined situations.
My wife’s best friend reliving things we have done together with my wife and fantasising about other imagined times
My best friends ex wife fantasising about imagined situations.
My first serious girlfriend from many years ago reliving experiences.
Reliving my first sexual experience with the two girls involved.

PLACES I GO TO ACT OUT

In my office to surf the Internet to for porn
My bedroom using wifes underwear to masturbate into whilst fantasising


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 13 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 5 hours


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 6 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group