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PostPosted: Thu Feb 18, 2016 11:26 pm 

Joined: Fri Jun 28, 2013 9:31 pm
Posts: 246
Several of the posts here over the last several days have mentioned (as has my Wife on many occasions) that we need a support system to share our struggles with, and I now realize (not just say so or pretend) that mine is here. This is a resource that I knew I had but chose not to use out of fear, denial and shame. So here goes.

I have been unemployed (“forced retirement”) for a little over a year now, and yes, it was my bad choices ~ addictive behaviors ~ that cost me my last job, last several actually. I’ve applied for a bunch of jobs over the last year (64 to be exact). I was offered a part time driving position that I turned down, got a number of “thanks but no thanks” letters, a few interviews but was just plain ignored by most.

(Note that all of the decisions mentioned below were MY decisions, not OUR decisions although I did believe or convinced myself that they were for both of us.)

I reapplied for one that I had gotten a polite “thanks but no thanks” from, and to my surprise, the wanted to interview me. They did on a Friday (the day of my one year “anniversary” of being let go) and the following Monday they offered me the job, a HUGE surprise. I accepted.

This is, as life tends to be, full of pluses and minuses. We desperately need the income as well as the medical insurance and other benefits. It is in a field that I am very familiar with, good at and can probably ride out to actual retirement.

The job is 150 miles +/- away so commuting is NOT happening, I will be home with my Wife on weekends, but have to stay there during the week by myself, NOT a good thing for Her or me.

I have NOT been as hard on myself or as into my recovery as I could or should have been, not at all. I have managed to eliminate scanning almost completely, and to control my eyes. I have also brought my other behaviors under control as well and dug down into some ugly and painful places inside.

BUT, we are VERY isolated, have no friends and stay at home almost exclusively. My Wife works online and I haven’t had a job.

To complicate matters, my boss is an asian woman, something that I have a particularly difficult time with and my Wife knows this and it has NOT helped Her feel anything good about the situation.

Actually being out in the “real world” is both exciting and terrifying to me, and my Wife is absolutely convinced that if I go I will fall back into my addictions and it’s all over between us.

I have learned that I want NOTHING more to do with my addictions or anything remotely related to them because if the thing that I became because of letting them run my life for so many years. I have also learned that I VERY much love my Wife and want nothing to do with anything that will hurt Her ever again.

We have had a number of “heated” discussions about this usually ending with both us angry, defensive and hurt; with me declaring (in all seriousness) that I will turn down the job and my Wife saying that I need to go do this, we really need the income.

A “rock and a hard place” situation for us both.

I guess I’m looking for comments/insights/feedback from those of you that are or have been in similar situations on either side and how it did or did not work out for you.

Thanks for listening…..


PostPosted: Fri Feb 19, 2016 8:23 am 
Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 4053
Location: UK
Hey my old friend
just a very quick thought

perhaps more later
My Wife works online

so why can't be with you away from home during the week?
on line works from many locations

bottom line comes down to trust, but you both know that already

Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo

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