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PostPosted: Mon Apr 04, 2016 9:43 am 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Tue Jan 19, 2010 8:54 am
Posts: 1377
Hi All

I hope everyone out there is ok. A while since I have been on but I was chatting to the wife about values and felt the positive urge to have a look here. I was saying that I learned more about values here at RN than anywhere else. How to measure the active reality of my behaviour against the idea I have of myself. How to adapt values to that reality. IN short how to live my values.

I found this great and really helpful post from Coach Boundless - a sort of RN greatest hits. Advice from Coach Jon, Mel and Boundless. Some really absorbing and also practical discussions. all helpfully gathered here:

viewtopic.php?f=2&t=23903

I have found looking at them helpful, and not just to read things I wrote four years ago.

I was going to add a brilliant threat by Munkfish from the self-help section that I used as a guide for the workshop. So many of the issues, emotions, questions I had about RN were there, along with amazing advice from Coach Jon. I can't find it when I click on it? Any advice on this?

Shaw


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 05, 2016 1:31 am 
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General Mentor

Joined: Tue Oct 22, 2013 12:47 pm
Posts: 694
Thanks, Shaw72, this list should definitely be pinned to the top of the forum, it's a real treasure.

I've never even heard of values before I joined RN. I have heard of principles but it has always sounded a bit too anachronic and theoretical somehow, at least to me. Never really looked into it, definitely not at a practical level. About self-improvement books, I've seen a few pretending to be so but in fact they were all about how to make money by changing your confidence level ... so I've honestly believed that's all to it, a scam and that nobody knows better than me ... how can they, as we are all human, right? Well, it's amazing even to me how limited I was. Finding RN and learning about these things and about my issues has really been a life changer. I am so grateful that I would not change a thing, not even the start of it all, my H's "indiscretions" which brought me to RN. So, now that I understand and use values, it's like my whole life has grown a backbone. Finally something worth pursuing, something which is always work in progress, something which helps me focus on myself instead of others, grow self-awareness and mend my relationship with myself, something which gives me satisfaction and is potentially entirely under my control (save my skills level). Granted, it's not easy to live by your own values, it's more like a perpetual positive aspiration, however, I know how dark, terrible, lonely and hopeless it feels to live without values.

_________________
"A wholehearted attention feels like the nurturing presence that I always wished I had in a parent. Now I am free to be there for myself in a way that I assumed I needed from someone else." Tara Bennett-Goleman, Emotional Alchemy


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 08, 2016 7:17 am 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Tue Jan 19, 2010 8:54 am
Posts: 1377
Hi Ursula

I echo completely what you say about values. I took this utterly for granted until I came here. I thought I lived by strong values, but realised I had no idea what mine were, and even when values meant.

Their importance - both to recoverers and partners - is signalled by them being the first lesson here. In some ways, I saw the workshop as the slow re-definition of those first lessons. I began by being too idealistic and slowly realised that values have to be active - be real.

It is great to say - I want to be a BETTER person. But what do we really mean? Better how, exactly?

A weird additional thought. I had a daughter two years ago. I have learned more about values from being around her than in most of my life before then. In part this is because I have had to try and impart good values.

But it is also the result of 2 years reading kids books. Honestly!!! I have learned more about kindness, joy, sadness etc there than in most of the adult books I have read.

Thanks for your comments. I have read some of your posts and they are excellent! I hope all is well.
Shaw


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