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PostPosted: Sat Apr 23, 2016 1:11 am 

Joined: Fri Oct 23, 2015 5:28 am
Posts: 64

Regarding the personal boundaries we set up for ourselves in accordance with the lesson on boundaries, I can't fully see how that makes transgression easier to cope with.

For example, I have a minor boundary about not leaping to pastimes and hobbies before the chores are done. The effort isn't great and it is a source of comfort. If i transgress every now and then the consequences aren't terribly negative. I actually have a good time and don't bother assessing the transgression, other than merely recognizing that a transgression has been made.

But the problem areas are different. I would like to, and need to set a boundary for computer usage. I would like to refrain from using the computer after a certain time in the evening. This is a boundary that is more difficult to respect, because the use of the computer in the evening is how i end up acting out. My question is, should this boundary somehow ease the consequences of acting out, or should it make it easier to assess what happened? I may be at a loss here.

Thanks for any advice.

PostPosted: Sun Apr 24, 2016 10:27 pm 
Recovery Mentor

Joined: Sat Jun 04, 2011 10:57 pm
Posts: 317
Hi Tilda,
The more important issue is the reason for computer usage rather than the time you use it. It seems making use of the computer to accomplish a specific task is a more important way to look at solving your problem, than to set an arbitrary time as a boundary, and to constantly need to challenge that boundary when it is required after hours.

I can see setting limits on accessing social media, or other distractions. This is the kind of behavior that you learn to become aware of, but taking care of family business, and also self enrichment like working lessons on RN (or classroom learning) are important and limiting when you are allowed to use your computer can serve to derail your other values.

As far as acting out, if you are using the computer for a specific purpose, be aware of when you have finished so that you can recognize it's time to move on (and the next thing you go is a clear decision)

I hope this helps,

PostPosted: Mon Apr 25, 2016 7:23 am 
General Coach (Admin)

Joined: Fri Oct 03, 2008 1:49 pm
Posts: 3957
You may not be able to go on the computer for social media or to surf right now. You may have to ease into it. Make yourself an absolute boundary that you will not cross and set an action plan to help you hold the boundary based on your values. For example.

Absolute boundary #1
I value my sobriety and respect my choice to not engage on the computer unless it is for something specific that needs to be done. I will do the following if I feel the urge to get on the computer for play, addiction or after 8pm:

1. Go for a walk
2. Go to the gym/workout
3. Read an uplifting book'
4. Journal
5. Email my coach.

This is just an example but one that will help you to stay on track. Of course in your own words and your own action plan but it really does work to be prepared.

PostPosted: Mon Apr 25, 2016 8:52 am 

Joined: Fri Oct 23, 2015 5:28 am
Posts: 64
Thanks for the advice. I think limiting content rather than time is a sound way to go. Ill try it and see where it leads

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