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 Post subject: What have I done.....
PostPosted: Fri May 27, 2016 1:43 am 
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Joined: Tue May 24, 2016 1:16 am
Posts: 7
I have betrayed my husband, my family, my son, my life, myself, my well being, my integrity, my morals, my love......

I am struggling. I have an addiction. I am addicted to the attention of other men. I started my path down the rabbit hole by just looking online. Well let me start from the beginning.....I used to be a very devoted member of this site. I was on the other side though. My husband has had a lifelong addiction to porn. It tore our lives apart, I had never been exposed to any of that. And I had to see what he was seeing, I had to find what he was looking for, I felt threatened. So I followed him around on the internet. I found myself being pulled in. And before I knew what had happened I was in over my head. I used to spend hours online in chat rooms and then I started camming for strangers and then I was on hookup sites and then I found the man I had my year long affair with.

How did I get here?


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PostPosted: Sat May 28, 2016 12:58 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Fri Nov 25, 2011 2:49 pm
Posts: 1626
Hi waywardwife,

Welcome to RN. Glad that you made it here again, albeit for a different reason.

You probably have many questions, and those will be answered in due time. If you're sincere about ending these patterns and getting your healthy life back, what I would recommend is starting your own self-help thread in the self-help recovery forum, then starting on the Recovery workshop. It will be there that you will learn about your behaviours and start making the journey to getting your healthy life back.

As well, even though you're asking "how did I get here?", you will get to this in time. What's more important at this point is to ask "where am I going from here?" and start working on that. Dwelling in some of these feelings at this point will only trigger your urges to engage in your compulsive behaviours. It's important at this point to have compassion for yourself. Even for a healthy person, if you are struggling in your life with relationship problems (particularly with a partner who had his own addiction), it is very easy to try to understand his behaviours, and end up getting sucked into such online behaviour due to the widespread availability, the novelty, the attention, etc. So, have some compassion for yourself, and know that you can change and rebuild your healthy identity, if you're sincerely committed to doing so.

I wish you well on your path back to health. :g:

Sincerely,

Boundless

_________________
"If you cannot find the truth right where you are, where do you expect to find it?" - Dogen

"Be a lamp unto yourself." - Buddha

"The obstacle is the path."


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