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PostPosted: Sun May 28, 2017 7:24 am 

Joined: Sun Dec 28, 2014 6:11 pm
Posts: 12
Last night, after a nice evening together, I asked my husband if he could tell me when he adds a female to his list of facebook friends. He told me that he doesn't feel he should have to and doesn't understand why I would ask that. I told him (again) that the openness would make me feel more comfortable, as he had added 2 females from his new job recently. A discussion ensued and the past was brought up. He said the night was ruined due to this discussion, even though it was just that - a discussion, not an argument. He doesn't want me searching for things (and I am past that), but yet gets upset when I voice a concern. Now we aren't talking.

Anyone have any input on this?

**I just realized I posted in the wrong forum and I cannot figure out how to delete***

PostPosted: Fri Jun 02, 2017 6:39 am 
Recovery Mentor

Joined: Sat Jun 04, 2011 10:57 pm
Posts: 317
If you want responses from both sides, would this be OK?
To me this seems like an issue of building trust. Unless he's trying to hide something, why should it matter, you're communicating.

PostPosted: Fri Sep 15, 2017 5:51 am 

Joined: Mon May 29, 2017 10:46 am
Posts: 56

In my opinion what your asking is perfectly reasonable.
Me (the female SA) and my male partner have an accountability contract that I very willingly keep too.
I have been untrustworthy and lied so much, if he wants total open access to any of my phone, email social media I feel I owe him that.

I am hoping that in time he will come to trust me as he see me recover but that will be a long time. I have been in recovery 15 months and he is still anxious that I am being honest.

I don't know how long your guy has been not acting out, but no matter how long if you need extra reassurance surly he owes it to you to give that?

The key for my relationship was empathy and communication. It wasn't until I truly empathized with what I had done to my guy with all my affairs, that I understood what he needed from me.
The couples program exercise 9&10 really helped both of us.


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