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PostPosted: Wed Oct 18, 2017 9:16 am 
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Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2017 12:35 am
Posts: 44
Backstory:
My wife and I are on a vacation, we are somewhere with a lot of sex workers, a group of individuals that have been problematic for me in the past. Last night I stepped out of our hotel room to gamble, by the time I got to the casino floor my intent was not to gamble, but to ogle the surrounding sex workers and drunken women. I gambled more than I said I would, and was not honest about my intentions. After coming up to the room I confessed that to my wife.

Now I am filled with shame and self loathing.

I have not been working on my recovery very long (still constructing proactive action plans)and we normally live without much media input so it is easier to stick to simple values.

I think that the lapse in judgement/following impulse instead of values is a combination of my newness to the process and an overly idealistic value set. I would like advice on how those of you on here have tempered an overly idealistic value set? and any pointers on handling guilt/shame/loathing?


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 21, 2017 6:34 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3907
Location: UK
Quote:
I think that the lapse in judgement/following impulse instead of values is a combination of my newness to the process and an overly idealistic value set.



it could be alternatively this could be the excuse you need to forgive your behaviour
perhaps you need to analyse this and learn from what you find

think about how you felt before the ogling
during the ogling
after the ogling
and now

what did you get out of it and what did it cost you
Quote:
any pointers on handling guilt/shame/loathing?


As THE Coach Jon said to start and progress on our journies of recovery we need to put our guilt and shame to one side FOR NOW

we know at what point we attain the ability to own out histories and thu own and accept the guilt and shame borne out of it
hope this helps
good luck

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 21, 2017 11:13 pm 
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Joined: Sat Sep 09, 2017 12:35 am
Posts: 44
Kenzo, thank you that helps a lot. Especially for calling BS BS.


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