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PostPosted: Thu May 28, 2020 10:23 am 
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Joined: Tue Sep 03, 2019 1:59 am
Posts: 10
Keen to solidify my understanding of goals and values as it relates to recovery. Some of it is me trying to figure it out...so excuse the verbage.

To my understanding,
Goals are something that you work towards.
Has tremendous upside when actively pursued, generating positive emotions. But also has the potential to create great imbalance.

I have been trying use the goals I have as a way to derive stimulation, but it's a bit hit and miss for me.
When I'm actively working on my goals, I to receive the stimulation but when I'm not working on them (insert whatever reason: negligence, procrastination, whatever)....I am on very rocky foundations.
Sometimes, it might even be that I did not work on my goals because I needed to put out some urgent fires, but my subconscious still feels like a failure and....is so vulnerable to relapse.

Surely, I can't be the only one facing this. Is it pretty much just lack of awareness, self compassion and discipline?

Any solutions for tackling this?

I know there are solutions from a goal attainment point of view, but what can one do in terms creating sufficient stimulation and fulfilment from a recovery perspective?
I am someone who is very dependent on my goals and their execution to derive stimulation...so when i don't have that, I have little stimulation from my goals and values and cannot rely on them in the short run.


The daily health monitoring reframes the approach by looking at it more qualitatively, such as 'How did I strengthen or nurture this particular value today?' as opposed to a straight up toggle switch 'did I do it or not?' But surely, even then, there is an inherent element of execution?

To boil it down, this is my default operating state,
do what you I am supposed to do or else...despair and act out.
It's a losing battle as I do not have the strength of intent to execute that well, that often!


Probably a very rookie question, but how do you guys derive stimulation from your goals, values?
Are there any optimal or efficient ways to reach substantial emotional stabilization from your goals and values?
Is there a way to also derive stimulation in a more passive way? Perhaps connecting to a universal value to derive some stimulation? If so, how does one do that?






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PostPosted: Thu May 28, 2020 10:43 pm 
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Joined: Sat Feb 17, 2018 11:00 pm
Posts: 27
Hey ltr17,

I think I have struggled with something similar. For me there's a cycle; some days I am able to do everything I have planned, I make time for recovery work, I feel accomplished for what I have done in the day, and motivated to finish the things I didn't tomorrow. Other days I feel hopeless; I don't believe anything will change, I don't do much of anything and I feel guilty for it but still can't find the motivation to do any more, I want to escape.

I don't have the answers but here are some things I have been working on. Maybe you will gain some insight.

When you are used to acting on every compulsion you have as soon as you feel uncomfortable you lose any sense of delayed gratification; you have no patience. I often find myself putting very little effort into something for a very short period of time before deciding it doesn't work and giving up. You have to train yourself to have more self discipline. Sometimes you have to just do what needs to be done even when you don't feel like it, even if you think it's stupid, or hard, or it won't work. Remind yourself that you are an independent, autonomous, adult and just do it.

State management:
Start paying attention to the state you are in, excited, anxious, tired, energetic, etc., and have a goal state. Start thinking about the things that you do now to manage your state, eat when hungry, listen to a song when you want to feel a way, etc., and what actions you could take to get to your goal state.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Just some ideas
Good luck,
Wolf.


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 06, 2020 3:53 am 
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Joined: Tue Sep 03, 2019 1:59 am
Posts: 10
appreciate the response bro,
yea state management is critical, and pays dividends in terms of productivity and a general sense of wellbeing
The fact of the matter is, there is a crucial piece that I have been missing and that is awareness.
Which is what I need to work on most...I find myself in a crap state a lot of the time that could have easily been remedied upstream.
As a lot of crap states are generated from the automatic thinking


Like those addicts that have faced repeated failures or aren't exactly 'thriving' in life, I think there's a lot more work involved. Building up on those values takes time and grit.
On one hand, there is a urgent need for massive action to rectify and to propel ourselves towards our goals.
It is matter of sheer brute force in persisting with those goals... in and of themselves...it is easy to get demotivated as the internal chatter is constantly doubting the value of knocking down that objective.
Especially when our expectations from life are nowhere near the reality and thoughts of failure cloud the mind
- even if you are attain this, you are so far behind your peers, you have to spend the rest of your life catching up..yada yada (asian background with ceaseless comparisons - built in to our psyche haha)
stupid thinking I know and again, the skill of being aware and mentally reframing as well as an appreciation that to each his own destiny and the end of the day, as long as we can hit the grave, knowing we've exhausted ourselves thoroughly in the pursuit, than that's all we can ask for.

I think meaning plays a crucial role in shutting down the voice of 'if only I had done this or that'. Coloring our experiences with our own personal meaning does much to generate the will to go on.
It's not just about hitting that particular target/goal, it's about who we will become, how we choose to live, and why. And each day we can live with that, we are on the path of redemption.


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 06, 2020 7:12 am 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Wed Nov 14, 2018 2:39 am
Posts: 206
Quote:
Probably a very rookie question, but how do you guys derive stimulation from your goals, values?
Are there any optimal or efficient ways to reach substantial emotional stabilization from your goals and values?
Is there a way to also derive stimulation in a more passive way? Perhaps connecting to a universal value to derive some stimulation? If so, how does one do that?


Hi Ltr17

First of all I have worked on forgetting the stimulation I had from my compulsive behaviour, it was maybe ok at the time, but as we all know, was no good in the long run. That may sound like impossible, but it has worked for me.
I have not set goals that would cause me stress if I did not reach them, I made my goals fairly simple and I made quite a few basic ones so that even if I do not achieve them all in one day or one week etc, I will know that I managed in others.
I get a vast amount of stimulation knowing that I am sober and that as each day passes I get even better.
I look for stimulation in the way I am at work, the way I am at home, the way I am with family and friends. Simple things like doing my hobbies, reading even watch a good movie - they all keep me away from any thought of acting out.

_________________
“Change your thoughts, change your life.” ~Lao Tzu
Regards
T


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