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PostPosted: Fri Mar 13, 2020 8:34 pm 
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Joined: Mon Feb 10, 2020 3:22 am
Posts: 45
This subject is open to both sides for comment. I am obviously not looking for criticism or negative comments but healthy positive suggestions as I no longer want to put my Wife through an emotional rollercoaster ride.

I have suffered from Intimacy anorexia through most of my marriage. I understand abstinence is the best practice to reset the brain, however my Wife believes sex in a marriage is a human right, and my abstinence would cause a disconnect.

I have had good progress but still struggle often enough to cause conflict and stress to come up when it doesn't work out.

If the chance that it'll happen is ahead of time giving me ample time to "get into my own head", I do and will. Some of my old habits seem to die hard. I'd like this one to be as quick as possible but in the healthiest way.

Has anything worked for those who struggle(d) with this as well?


Last edited by FreedomRequired on Sun Mar 15, 2020 5:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sat Mar 14, 2020 3:30 pm 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3880
Location: UK
Hello FR
Quote:
This subject is open to both sides for comment
.
to open to both sides then you should annotate the subject heading with "both sides welcome"

Quote:
I have suffered from Intimacy anorexia through most of my marriage.


and
Quote:
I no longer want to put my Wife through an emotional rollercoaster ride.

then you need to change
you need to recover from your SA, easy said I know but not so easily done The RN roadmap will help

You need to accept that these issues that for sure affect you both are your doing your responsibility she is the innocent party looking for your love and intimacy
Quote:
Wife believes sex in a marriage is a human right

she has her needs and you respect these but remember that she is not expecting a sex machine, she simply wants to be and more so feel loved


Quote:
I understand abstinence is the best practice to reset the brain,

but abstinence does not necessarily exclude intimacy
consider and talk about kissing, cuddling, holding hands, listening as well as talking, petting

look to her needs



your problem could be physical, mental or emotional
or indeed combinations of these

however the problem is real and has been going on for some time
hence there is a need for a resolve and that requires effort and tolerance, you need to value her

I suggest that you give her the things that she asks for bearing in mind what you took from her
you do not need to "perform"

simply satisfy her needs and be very grateful that she still wants you to be the one doing so

finally do not allow this issue to hamper your recovery


perhaps seek professional help from marriage guidance or sexual therapist
finally you need to stress the fact that your wife is totally blameless and that you take full responsibility

not sure if this helps but good luck my friend

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 15, 2020 11:23 am 
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Joined: Mon Feb 10, 2020 3:22 am
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Thanks once again Kenzo.

I am happy you're here.


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 15, 2020 11:23 am 
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Joined: Mon Feb 10, 2020 3:22 am
Posts: 45
Thanks once again Kenzo.

I am happy you're here.


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