Recovery Nation

Personal Development Forum
It is currently Mon Nov 19, 2018 5:14 pm

All times are UTC - 5 hours




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 2 posts ] 
Author Message
PostPosted: Wed Aug 15, 2018 12:17 pm 
Offline

Joined: Thu Aug 09, 2018 10:33 am
Posts: 8
I am looking for feedback on whether my recovery expectations are realistic given that I am still actively addicted to the person I stopped having an affair with. Me and my partner have decided to stay together. I am currently on Lesson 18 of the program. Although I feel that I am making progress -- mostly intellectually understanding the theory behind the program and improved self awareness -- I continue to succumb to urges to contact my affair partner. Its been 4 months since I stopped the affair and I feel confident that I can stop myself from talking or seeing her (since these urges have diminished), but I still obsess about her and cave into urges to call her but then I immediately hang up. When I "cave in", it gives me relief -- like releasing pressure from a balloon. Since I haven't yet learned how to replace my unhealthy behavior with value based behavior, I feel like I'm making progress given that I've gone from lying about being with her to absolute honest with my spouse on what triggers me, when I have a relapse as well as the urges I had that I didn't cave into. Given where I am in the program, I believe that it is normal to still cave in.......or does it sound like I'm playing the "get out of jail free" relapse card?


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Fri Aug 17, 2018 6:00 am 
Offline
Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3665
Location: UK
Hello Mina

Quote:
I am looking for feedback on whether my recovery expectations are realistic given that I am still actively addicted to the person I stopped having an affair with.


recovery is there for all that WANT it
really want it that is
the expectations are different for us all but with one common very important point / aim
that is to be the best that we can possibly hope to be by living within our boundaries (and the boundaries of others) guided by our values

RN can show the way to achieve this but it is only a guide
the work comes from within or failure is inevitable and failure leads only into further decline
You say that
Quote:
Me and my partner have decided to stay together. but I am still actively addicted to the person I stopped having an affair with.


Now I feel that situation is not part of your (either of you) expectation so you need to change
Change is inevitable, but you get to choose the direction of change



Quote:
I believe that it is normal to still cave in

What is normal?
Addiction is normal for addicts, but it is not healthy, it does not bring happiness, contentment, satisfaction , truth, love .................................................


Quote:
does it sound like I'm playing the "get out of jail free" relapse card?

YES
Make your choice, choose wisely but do choose now, for both of your sakes

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 2 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 5 hours


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 5 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
cron
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group