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PostPosted: Wed Aug 22, 2018 9:40 am 
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Joined: Fri Jul 06, 2018 5:53 pm
Posts: 29
I have a question about this passage from Lesson 15:

'...while this traumatic introduction to sex is common in the vast majority of sexual deviants — it is most commonly found in those who have learned to associate their sexual behavior with values such as intimacy and love. When deviant behavior is associated with values such as power and control (e.g. violent rapists, sexual mutilators, etc.), an entirely different developmental foundation must be examined...and one that is not addressed in the scope of this workshop.'

I'm having a hard time with this separation of the values of intimacy and love from power and control. As someone whose addiction has its source in being slowly groomed for abuse by an older brother that I adored and eventually raped violently by him, before reaching the age of 10, it seems that love, intimacy, violence and control were all wrapped up together.

My own deviant behaviour shows up in intimate love relationships and I fit the category of an individual who 'might try to recreate sexual experiences under "emotionally safe" conditions'. (These so-called safe recreations seem to always end in the same kind of betrayal and abandonment as the original abuse, however.)

But my addiction also includes a violent rape fantasy component which isn't emotionally safe at all. Will this program still be able to help me? And if 'an entirely differently developmental foundation must be examined', then where would one look for this to get help with the power and control elements?

Thanks.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 23, 2018 5:15 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3665
Location: UK
Hi WG
Quote:
When deviant behavior is associated with values such as power and control (e.g. violent rapists, sexual mutilators, etc.), an entirely different developmental foundation must be examined...and one that is not addressed in the scope of this workshop.'


As THE COACH notes in the Recovery programme most sexual deviants are not sex addicts , this programme being for sufferers from sex addiction both in recovery and healing, hence the scope would be and is different
Many sufferers from SA have had early life traumas so sorry to hear about your own

But does this make them / you deviant?

SA has a very strong association with power and control rather than the sexual act(s) but again
does this make us / you deviant?
Perhaps you are judging harshly? I cannot answer that but you should, please dont allow yourself to continue to be the victim that your brother abused
Look to yourself and become the person that you aspire and deserve to be

RN provides a guide a route map and community support but should you believe that professional help would benefit then do not hesitate, one does not exclude the other and I say use every tool in the box that helps

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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