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PostPosted: Thu Oct 25, 2018 9:18 am 
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Joined: Mon Oct 22, 2018 8:10 am
Posts: 8
I have just started this program - just completed lesson 2. It's been about a month since my wife of 18 years has learned of my behaviors which have been going on for probably almost 10 years. I cannot give her a good explanation of the why I did the things I did. How I initially made the decision to go see an escort, completely ignoring and disregarding the impact it would have on her, how it escalated over the years while seemingly living a normal life... We are seeing a therapist which is helping somewhat, but its obviously very difficult. Will this program help me to understand the why? Is it important to know that or is it just important to acknowledge and want to change?


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 26, 2018 6:24 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3815
Location: UK
Hello VV
Quote:
Will this program help me to understand the why? Is it important to know that or is it just important to acknowledge and want to change?


simple answer
YES
IMO it is more important to want and then commit to change, however answering the why is a stepping stone to achieving this, and this requires honesty, something that we addicts avoid
Additionally our SO's require and deserve answers
We as addicts need to be open and honest with ourselves and our SO;s
They need to know that they are blameless and that the fault is ours, ours alone,
However , most likely they will never understand our reasons (excuses) for our behaviours as we ourselves struggle to do so, it does take real effort and opens us to our guilt and shame

Why do /did we act out?
because we choose/chose to
We took our drug of choice as a coping device, some can cite a traumatic event from their childhood , personally I cannot
I believe that my addiction was brought about by me seeking attention, you need to think upon why you started to allow your emotions to take over your reasoning and thus actions

Addicts are great at denial, we are the best excusers in the world, RN does help our understanding for the why as we get into the mid and late twenty lessons , but please do stay with the programme as it is set out
step by step recovery is there for all who really want it
Those that choose not to recover will continue to require more of the "drug" to feed the need, but is that need real or simply a figment of our immature imagination?
Some addi

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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