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PostPosted: Sat Dec 01, 2018 8:39 pm 
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Joined: Fri Jun 28, 2013 9:31 pm
Posts: 246
Very simple question ........

OK Kenzo, as suggested .......


Last edited by 62andbroken on Fri Mar 29, 2019 5:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: What is love ?????
PostPosted: Mon Dec 03, 2018 10:04 am 
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Joined: Tue Oct 17, 2017 11:22 am
Posts: 293
Sometimes easier to understand what love is by first examining what love is not... Coach Jon has an excellent supplemental lesson on this:

http://recoverynation.com/recovery/less ... g_love.php

And as a fellow love addict, for me the delusions from my past acting out behaviors constantly put a veil over the truth. I thought love was the hormone/emotion boost from a new conquest or fantasy. But with it behind me, here's my understanding to date.

What is love?
Love is that my wife has stayed and supported me regardless of the PTSD that I caused her.
Love is committing to leaving my addiction behind for ME, instead of keeping it as an escape.
Love is forgiving myself for my past choices.
Love is constantly learning how to blossom into my best self.
Love is choosing behaviors that help me be present with my kids.
Love is compromising, NOT sacrificing.
Love is accountability, honesty, and responsibility.
Love is staying true to my values as protected by my boundaries.
Love is managing my life in healthy ways.
Love is nurturing myself and others.
Love is graciousness.
Love is gratitude for things big and small.
Love is connection.
Love is belief in oneself and purpose.


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 Post subject: Re: What is love ?????
PostPosted: Tue Dec 04, 2018 8:52 am 
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Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3844
Location: UK
Hi 62
away for so long but back with a bang
What is Love?
A very simple question?
If only!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Perhaps you could ask a question on sport instead?
:s: :s: :s: :s:

Ask 100 people this question and I guess that we would get 200 differing answers
The responses would IMO differ across the divides throughout the whole spectrum of opinion
Male responses would differ from female, young from old, culture from culture, sex addict from healthy being, sex addict from partner .................................. etal

IMO Love is real, all encompassing an entity, much more than an emotion,
Love comes in many guises
To name some:
Parental, family, platonic, material, intimate, protective, sexual and of course self

Love should be but is not always, given freely, honoured, cherished, appreciated, accountable, non compromising, nurtured, positive, enduring and indeed loved

Anon’s response being her own self consideration is her take, perhaps suggesting that each of us here should undertake a similar examination of love in our own lives and in the lives of those whom we have hurt?

I appreciate that I have not answered the question, but hope that I have provoked thought for myself and for others to evaluate what is love to each and every one of us as unique individuals

Great if very difficult question it would be fantastic if it provokes more responses, perhaps you could consider opening up to "both sides"?
your question your call

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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 Post subject: Re: What is love ?????
PostPosted: Fri Dec 07, 2018 5:35 am 
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Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 5:29 am
Posts: 391
As Kenzo rightly says this can be looked at from a variety of angles and I may approach this differently to others.

There is an old cliché which is that you would give your life for the ones you love. That is a very easy statement to make but if you really think about it, how many people would you honestly give your life for? If I am honest I could look at close friends and I would consider it if faced with that choice but for my family, and certainly my direct family (my wife and son) it would be automatic. If someone with a gun stood me next to my wife and son and said that one of you needs to take the bullet I would step forward without even thinking about it. The depth of my feelings of love for my wife and son are so strong I know that I would give my life for them.

This provoked an interesting thought when I pondered on it further. If I would give my life for my family then that means I would put them before myself which is a very selfless act. I have no doubt that my wife would do the very same. So part of me places my value on the relationship with my family above anything else. But then I have also put those very relationships at risk by engaging in the most selfish of acts that has inflicted pain and misery on my wife. CoachJon writes about the trance like state that takes hold after 30-60 seconds of an urge starting. The perception of that trance must be strong in order to block the true value of our relationships from our minds.

For me the key to recovery is keeping what we value so dearly in the forefront of our minds at all times and to not tolerate allowing the mist to fall down on us. We need to keep grounded by tapping into how acting healthily must be a given and not something to juggle and deliberate against the prospect of acting out.

Zero tolerance of anything which will get in the way of our recovery is needed in the name of love.

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L2R

A clean life; a clear conscience


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 Post subject: Re: What is love ?????
PostPosted: Sun Dec 09, 2018 8:06 am 
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Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3844
Location: UK
62 asked what is love?
He got some responses but truthfully I would have expected that he would have had more, ?????????????????????????????
So I take this opportunity to perhaps expand the question whilst focusing on love in addiction, surely all here who are registered would have an opinion and those “passing through” have at least an interest, why not share that opinion, no one here is the font of all knowledge and recovery is all about learning and then ingraining

As addicts we know what love is
However do we respect, appreciate, honour , cherish even feel love(ed)
I believe that in my formative years I did not feel love, however that cannot ever be an excuse for my ensuing actions
I loved and still love my ex but I hurt her, I made my choices
I justified those choices by compartmentalising my thoughts, my actions my values, yes I believe that addicts can and do have some values even though we willingly sacrifice many of them to satisfy that emotional need that we wrongly believe we have no choice but to feed that drug of our choice

So I now ask
How can we as addicts bring love to the forefront of our thinking and thus our actions?
The answer lies within each and everyone of us, if you cannot see it then you are not looking hard enough

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 31, 2019 5:46 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3844
Location: UK
62 wrote in his personal thread
Quote:
the question about Love was dead serious .... i know what i feel towards my Wife is Love (yes .... somehow she is still here), but i asked because it seems so undefinable ....

What specifically does it feel like or is that even a valid question ???


IMO every question that we have is valid and valuable , except for those that we dont ask
why dont we ask?

is it because we know, think we know , believe we ought to know, fear the answer ...............

This forum is open and risk free, it is there to try to help, even if it fails it should generate and provoke thought and subsequent analysis but we as a community seem to be hesitant in contributing, why?????????????

last year I posted into this thread
Quote:
62 asked what is love?
He got some responses but truthfully I would have expected that he would have had more, ?????????????????????????????


I repeat the question, will it make a difference ? I doubt it, but that does not stop my attempt to rekindle the topic

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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