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PostPosted: Thu Feb 09, 2017 4:03 pm 
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Joined: Fri Feb 03, 2017 10:50 am
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I always knew my wife (same sex marriage) was very sexual. Very. I am too, so that has been really great. Sex has been an incredible part of our relationship and I've enjoyed being with her like no one else.
We started having sex on our first date. Our first date lasted 3 days. It was awesome~ (we had been writing and talking on the phone for a couple months before our first date... so it seemed ok).
She told me that while she was married to her husband she had had lots of affairs; affairs with men and women, relationships and one night stands. She told me she was so happy that in OUR relationship there were no lies and no affairs and she loved having a healthy marriage free from deception.
I remember I told her in the beginning that I knew I would never cheat on her. She replied that there was no way I could know that. I said, yes, I knew that I would never make the choice to cheat, that I would come to her first. She couldn't understand that I was so certain of my committment not to cheat. Interesting.
We have been married for 6 years. I don't know how long she has been cheating on me. She's very smart, very good at deception (lots of practice), and I travel for a living. I'm gone about 4 days per week.
I suppose I started noticing things about 8 months ago. I noticed she was buying lingerie every time she went to target and that she didn't really wear it at home. I noticed lots of new underwear; sexy underwear. She started sending me sexy photos of herself. Some were very expicit, most very tasteful. I liked it, but see now that those pics were not really meant for me. (The pics never showed her face or identity). She has always spent a considerable amount of time on the internet and her phone. She was ALWAYS on her computer or phone. First thing in the morning 0500am she would be on her phone in bed. She subtly made sure I couldn't see what she was doing. Then she started going out without me and not inviting me to things. She came home with a black eye, then a month later another black eye. She was reading very kinky books and told me she'd love to watch me have sex with another person. Then she started "going to a friends place" overnights and then two nights in a row and then, I just knew. I knew it all without her saying anything to me. I wrote her an email and I told her to stop. She said she would. She deleted her online account and promised me she wasn't going to do that anymore. (whatever THAT is).
In my email I said I wasn't sure what she was doing, and that I didn't want to know... that I just needed her to stop. Well, I couldn't stand it. I had to know. I started asking questions like... were you with a lot of people? Did you have safe sex? I wanted more details. She finally broke down and told me she had met one person, a man, online (fetlife) and they would meet up so she could have rough sex. She said he's a nice guy. MY HEART! oh my god. I was just crushed. But... she said it was over.
Then last Sunday she was going to get her tattoo worked on and then spend the night at her sister's place. I didn't trust her. I knew that if she was really just going to go to her sister's place she would invite me. Anyway, she promised me. She promised she wasn't going to hook up with him. Well, that night she wouldn't answer my calls or texts. I was pleading with her to please answer and tell me she was safe and she wasn't on the side of the road somewhere... I was going crazy and sent text after text begging her to respond. She didn't. I was heartbroken. I didn't sleep one wink. In the morning she texted me and said "what is up with all the text messages?" I was a little embarrassed but not for long. I was so scared and also, I knew she was with him and was... I felt numb and sad and lonely. I asked her to come home and hold me.
She came home and crawled into bed with me and let me cry and be angry. I made her promise that she would be better about walking the dogs and that I can't take them with me because of my job. I told her I was going to move to San Francisco that I could not stay here, I told her we needed to sell the house (we have 5 kids from her previous marriage) We were going to have to break up our family. She cried so hard. She was also heartbroken and so remorseful. She was also sad but felt guilty and shameful and everything else.
So then I found the recovery nation website and started reading. I asked her if she thought she had a sex addiction. She said she had never considered that and seemed surprised at the notion. A few hours later she told me she was doing research and she was completely overwhelmed and that she was calling counselors and requesting specialty in sex addiction.
Today was her first appointment. She said it went well and that she is ok. That's all I know. Of course I want to know more, but I'm learning that it's not my job to know more. My first appointment with a counselor is tomorrow.
I want to stay married to her. I want to start new and I'm going to give it a shot. It's really scary though, because I've never felt so much pain in my life as I did on Sunday. I don't think I could take it again, but from what I'm reading, it will likely happen again while we are in recovery. So... I'm going to hang on as best as I can.


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