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PostPosted: Wed Apr 05, 2017 2:49 pm 
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Joined: Tue Apr 04, 2017 12:15 pm
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I met my husband through friends he lost his brother two years prior to that. Everyone would ask has he really grieved it I believed him when he said his grief looked different than other people expected. He is a writer and a musician and so he wrote about his grief I was really drawn to that. I knew he had a lot of friends that were women but I trusted him and he definitely poured on huge romantic gestures. But there were times he would flirt with a girl at a bar or gave a female friend a piggy back ride or did things to be the hero. It was clear he liked the attention I realize I now I over explained myself said it hurt my feelings and thought he would then go forward treating me how I wanted to be treated. But that never happened he continued to be more of a womanizer. He admitted to looking at porn but said he was being accountable to his guy friends and was working on it. I again rationalized that he was a virgin and I couldn't expect anything else. But he didn't initiate anything no kissing no holding hands. I thought we'll maybe we are just friends. A month in he kissed me. But during our two years of dating we never had sex because he was religious and did not want to until he was married. Well on our honeymoon he struggled with erection problems and it lasted for our entire relationship. He never initiated sex. He would have excuses like he ate a burrito or I had said I had a headache hours ago so he didn't think I wanted it so he didn't initiate. He would go through cycles of erectile dysfunction and it would only be worse if I wore lingerie or did something to be sexy. He yelled at me for texting sexy pics to him at work. I felt rejected and abandoned and began to rage. I acted like a crazy woman. We moved out of the country and we had no internet living in the African bush and suddenly we were closer had the best year ever. We came home and I got a job right away he couldn't find a job. He finally got one but made less than me. Then we tried to get pregnant and it failed. We did infertility work up and they told him he had no sperm that we would have to do in vitro. But I ended up pregnant that month and had hypermedia for the first 20 weeks. I didn't realize how disconnected we were I was working twelve hour shift and trying to survive pregnancy. The day I delivered he got called for a new job which would pay three times what he had been making quite a move up and powerful position. Our daughter went to the nicu it was scary. When she came home a week later he went to work and worked long hours. I decided to be a stay at home mom. Six months later I found him looking at porn. He said he was playing words with friends with his mom. I went into a blind rage. I am ashamed today at my own inability to process it. He admitted that my entire pregnancy he looked at porn at his work, fantasizd about his students and had emotional intrigue with a female cowro


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