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PostPosted: Tue Feb 13, 2018 6:52 am 

Joined: Sun Jan 28, 2018 3:06 pm
Posts: 6
Excercise 1:
As much as my husband was the man of my dreams, I always struggled to connect with him on a deeper level and to be able to feel as though I shared in his hopes and dreams. I am an open book and I would keep pushing him to open up to me, however there was never any lasting result.
About 15 months before D-Day I had come home from an overseas conference. I can't recall why, but for the 1st time in our 4 yr relationship I felt as though I just couldn't trust him in the way I used to. I checked a packet of condoms in his bedside table to discover that what was nearly a full packet when I left was now nearly empty upon my return. I confronted him over it and he became incredibly defensive and angry, like I had never seen before (he is normally soft natured and kind). He told me I was crazy and how could I even question him over such a thing. I let it go.
From then on, little lies or omissions of information crept in more and more. My Mum could recall me telling her a year ago, 'that my husband isn't who you think he is'. This year we were planning to start a family. Although I knew he was the one who wanted kids and I was the more reluctant one, he would never open up to me about the journey or talk to me about our struggle to conceive in the 7 months that it took. When I had a miscarriage, he never asked me after the event how I was even feeling as a result of it. He began to withdraw more from helping out and started swimming for a few hours a day more and more. In November I found out I was pregnant, but he refused to acknowledge my pregnancy. I was so fed up with his lack of support I asked him to leave for a few days. When he returned he wanted to throw in our relationship. I couldn't understand why he was trying to pack everything in so easily. Despite I difficult past year, we had for the most and even in between those hard times a very strong, loving relationship.
It took him 3 weeks and in that time he was incredibly depressed, but finally he came around and he decided to stay. Shortly after that point, I remember coming home after working on a Sat with a second job to try to cover more of our bills, where he had crawled into bed at 2pm in the afternoon, telling me he was hungover. I remember walking into our bedroom seeing him lying in bed with covers off, with his body all shaved down. It really spooked me. He had never done this before and I couldn't work out why, given we had been having tough times I knew it wasn't for me. I left the room crying, he came and comforted me and tried to tell me that he was doing this for me. Things improved and over Xmas/NY we had an amazing holiday away.
2 days after we came home however, everything came crashing down. While he was out playing golf I discovered 2 pre-paid SIM card receipts in his work bag. I called him and asked him what they were for, initially he lied and said it was for work. I asked him to come home and tell me the real truth. He came home and told me he bought them for porn. Again I didn't buy it. Finally after a few days he admitted to buying them to arrange erotic massages, which he claimed were $120-$150. By this point I had access to his bank accounts and discovered he had made at least 60 cash withdrawals for $200+ at a time over the course of our 4 year relationship at dodgy locations all across the city, where he would never normally go or need to. On further enquiry, the amount that he claimed to spend on erotic massage was infact a standard price for prostitution (even two for the price of one). He admitted to prostitution before we were together, but always denied ever being with one while we were together.
The information he also did tell me was that he had been going to erotic massage parlours since he was 21 (he is now 35) and before that was heavily involving in online porn and masturbation, to the point where he struggled to get an erection with a girl. He admitted to feeling a great deal of shame about his problem and that he was powerless to stop. I suggested he might have a sex addiction and that he should look it up and see whether it seemed to fit, to which he did and he agreed. He attended an SAA meeting, but then a few days later walked out and left me. He said 'he couldn't do this anymore'. 2 days later he called saying he wanted a divorce, our marriage was irreconcilable and that he didn't love me anymore. He said he didn't care what I did with our baby whether I kept it or not, but he wanted nothing to do with it. I have not heard from him since and he has cut me off completely, blocked my calls etc, so this is the most I know so far about his sex addiction.

PostPosted: Fri Feb 16, 2018 1:27 pm 

Joined: Mon Jan 11, 2016 10:08 am
Posts: 190
Amber, your story is completely heartbreaking. You’ve taken the first step towards your own healing and providing a happy and healthy start in life for your baby girl. I swear that by the time she’s in your arms you won’t want anything or anyone to cause her any harm or unhappiness. The lioness within you is going to emerge and protect this little one, believe me! Stay strong XO

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