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PostPosted: Tue Oct 30, 2018 1:30 pm 
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Joined: Sun Feb 11, 2018 6:50 am
Posts: 6
Dear all,
Just a short update on how I am getting on. After I got divorced in March this year I started to get pain in my body which varied from foot pain to elbow or shoulder pain. The blood test shows a tendency for rheumatic arthritis. In Ayurveda the translation for rheuma is "sea of frozen teardrops"... And I think this fits. All those years I endured so much emotional pain which I could not release.There seems to be a cell brain which stores those emotions when they are not properly released. I might have a tendency for psychosomatic disorders and I am now working with my therapist to release those emotions and start healing. I have gone on a vegetarian diet but sometimes when I wake up in the morning I can only stand on my hurting feet when I put on special shoes. I had days with frozen shoulders and then they vanish and my knees start hurting. Somedays I wonder how to climb the stairs to my appartement on the second floor. But I always manage. I do a lot of meditation and concentrate on my inner core.

I was very sportive before this illness but my body seems to need much rest. I am missing my former energy. I am not yet on medication because I still hope that my body will be able to heal itself (refernce to Luise L. Hay). I have also read the book by Dr. John Sarno "The mind body syndrome" and truly hope that I will be able to overcome this illness. I am still able to do my fulltime job because once I am up and have "endured" the first hour of pain it somehow vanishes and comes only back when I rest too long, which is really ironic because I know that I need to rest...

Otherwise I am coping well. I start missing a relationship with a new partner but I am not sure whether I will be able to trust a man again. I will keep you informed about my way forward. The trauma therapy is helping me a lot to overcome the endured nightmare. But after 15 years with an SA it is hard to forget and move forward. I was told that I missed the anger phase because I was so sad all the time and could not get really angry. But today I started yelling in my car on my way back from work. I shouted all my anger and hatred while I was alone in my car and I think it helped me to feel and start to release those feelings. Initially I thought I need to forgive him and see him as an ill and mislead soul. But in order to do so the anger needs to have its place/outcoming first.

I am not quite sure whether this is of any use for you to read but this is were I stand now and I hope my soulmates here are also recovering. Together we are strong :-) At least we are not alone and can communicate in a safe environment on this very helpful site.


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