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PostPosted: Mon Mar 04, 2019 5:50 pm 
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Joined: Sat Feb 16, 2019 4:02 pm
Posts: 18
Exercise Fifteen
A. Make a list all of support resources (people only) that you currently have available to you in helping you to deal with this current crisis? How many of these people have you already turned to for support? What have you found beneficial in their responses? What have you found to be disruptive?
Janet
Narda
Gail
Jodi
Tammy
Coach Katherine
Jan C.
COSA face to face meetings
COSA online meetings
I have turned to them all and it has been beneficial to tell my story, thereby making it real and making me accountable to not being in denial.
It has been disruptive in that I feel pain again when I tell parts of the story and I feel I was conned by him.


B. List all resources (not people) that you have available to you in developing a balanced, healthy support system. This list should contain at least eight items. Put an asterisk in front of each resource that you are currently using to help you through this crisis.
*My cat Sammy for unconditional love
*Exercise
*Healthy food
*COSA literature
*books specific to my situation
*podcasts about sexual addiction
*Meditation
*Recovery Nation



C. Discuss a time when you were a part of someone else's support system. Was it a positive or negative experience for you? What made it so? Is there anything that you would have done differently? How can you use these insights to further define your own support system?

I helped my brother in law when my sister died. It was a positive experience because I was able to help him meet with the funeral home. I would have driven us there or taken Uber rather than having him drive. I can see that I need to be open to receiving help when it is offered.


Last edited by Iamlight on Sun Mar 17, 2019 8:36 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Mon Mar 04, 2019 6:05 pm 
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Joined: Sat Feb 16, 2019 4:02 pm
Posts: 18
Exercise Sixteen
A. Create a list of at least ten core values that represent the person you want to be. You should be able to rely on this list with confidence in guiding decisions, actions, prioritization, etc.

Monogamous
Committed
Honest
Trustworthy
Caring
Generous
Sensitive
Kind
Dependable
Gracious


B. In your own words, how can you use these values to guide you through this current crisis (or a future crisis)?

These values can help me be gentle with myself and my partner as we heal individually and together.


C. Compare this list to the vision that you created in Stage One; Lesson Two. Are they similar? They should be. In fact, they should be practically identical — with your vision serving as a narrative for the list you have here. If they are not, change whichever is inconsistent with the life that you want to lead. Your vision must be forged from your core values or you will continue to struggle with imbalance and chaos.


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 17, 2019 8:42 am 
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Joined: Sat Feb 16, 2019 4:02 pm
Posts: 18
Exercise Seventeen

A) In Stage Two; Lesson One, you created proactive action plans for three values to help you begin the process of stabilizing your life. You now need to expand this to the remaining values listed in Exercise Sixteen.

The Real Me:
Monogamous
Committed
Honest
Trustworthy
Caring
Generous
Sensitive
Kind
Dependable
Gracious
Strong
Stable


B) For each, think about the meaning and fulfillment you are getting compared to the potential meaning and fulfillment available.

I feel that the core of me is strong and stable. I am still haunted by self doubt and feelings of unworthiness from the abuse of this relationship. I lose touch with the core unfairness of the way he has treated me.

C) Develop a specific plan that will allow you to maximize the potential in each of those remaining values.

My vision of myself as I journey on my path towards healing:
-I am taking chances, and not worrying about what might go wrong.
-I am waking up each morning early and greeting the day with gratitude for my health and physical and mental gifts. I stretch or meditate, play my grounding song “I am Light” and enjoy my morning coffee.
-I am choosing nourishing foods in appropriate serving sizes to fuel my body. I am avoiding fast foods, processed foods, and high-fat foods, but rather eating fresh fruits and vegetables, nuts, fish and legumes.
-I am maintaining a healthy weight.
-I am exercising regularly and feeling strong and powerful.
-I am taking time each day to tend to my appearance so that I feel attractive.
-I am taking time each day with my healing exercises, reading the materials carefully and thoughtfully and really working to do the work required.
-I am pursuing my creative passions of quilting and knitting with a strong sense of competence that I don’t let be belittled by my partner.
-I am strong inside and have opinions that count. I let my voice be heard in a calm yet assertive way.
-I am doing all the things each day that protect my health in the future - care of my teeth, eyes, heart, bones, etc. I do this lovingly with each item of daily maintenance I must do to care for my body.
-I am kind to my spouse and supportive of his recovery but not managing it.
-I am strong and beautiful and happy to be above ground another day.


D) List the 'next two or three steps' you will take to begin strengthening each value. Note: you will not be expected to begin taking all of these steps. The goal here is to gain clarity in what steps to take and to have a plan of action ready for times when you have either lost focus or have some extra energy.


Monogamous - no issue here. I do not trust any man right now.
Committed - I am committed to my own health and healing and will work each day on it.
Honest - with others and myself, think
Trustworthy - I will do what I say I will do.
Caring - show this in word and deed
Generous - share time with friends and family
Sensitive -
Kind -
Dependable -
Gracious -


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