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PostPosted: Mon Oct 15, 2018 9:57 am 
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Joined: Mon Jan 11, 2016 10:08 am
Posts: 133
I don’t know if I’ve found another clue about my husband’s addiction, but at this stage I’m wondering if it matters.

I discovered a social media account in the name of one of my husband’s ‘anonymous’ IDs. It was used to bookmark sites about unfaithful wives, threesomes, open relationships and swinging. It was a step beyond porn as some of it implies paid for encounters and webcams, although I suspect there is free content that fulfills the same purpose. To be honest, if my husband ever set up such an account on this platform during his addiction, I wouldn’t be surprised in the least that it would be to bookmark adult content.

I haven’t said anything about this discovery because (1) he’s not the only person to use this name as an online ID, there is at least one and possibly two others. (2) he has outright denied things in the past until I have presented the evidence, and then he claims to have no memory of doing so (3) he has denied physical infidelities, and he says he’s never did webcams, he has his story straight in his own mind and I fear that it’s too late for him to admit to anything else. (4) He may have used this account to link to pornographic materials without taking it further, in which case it wouldn’t actually achieve anything to push for this admission if it were true. I know he was addicted to porn and at this stage how he accessed it and what sites he used isn’t going to make much difference.

My problem is the nagging doubts. One one hand it may just be bookmarks, and he may well have fantasised about having no strings sex with married women, and just kept it as a fantasy. Does that matter at this point? Not really. It’s not nice, but sexual addictions are like that. If he did go further, that’s a bit more of a concern. Mostly because he’d have been lying to me when I gave him the opportunity to disclose anything he’d lied to me about in the period after d day. Webcams are an entirely different thing from hookups though. Webcams are more of an extension of internet porn. I could forgive that, but going further? That wouldn’t be easy to forgive. But then, it might not be his account at all — this is how the vicious circle of thought goes around.

If I say nothing, I wonder if, etc. If I was to say something, I can guarantee another one of *those* episodes. If it is his account he’d deny it. If it wasn’t his account he would deny it — how do I tell the difference? If I say nothing, I’m in the same position but without the fallout. My other question to myself is to ask myself how much this matters? My gut has always told me his addiction was more extensive than he admitted to in the beginning. I suspect physical infidelity but I don’t have anything else to go on other than gut feeling — I have no idea of when or who. Just a feeling. I have accepted this state of ‘not knowing’ as part of my recovery.

Just to say, I’m not copping out. Whatever the truth of this situation is, if it was part of his addiction then I can accept an imperfect past and and incomplete truth. At the same time I have l these pieces of a puzzle laid out, some fit, some don’t but the puzzle is forever incomplete.


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