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 Post subject: Feel So Lost Now
PostPosted: Wed May 28, 2014 10:14 am 
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Joined: Mon Oct 29, 2012 2:06 pm
Posts: 58
I am just looking for words of encouragement today my H decided that the fighting was to much and packed and left last night cause he said he couldn't take it anymore (I think that it is because of a new woman at his job that was friendly to him but that is just a guess it could be what he said cause we were fighting quite a bit). He wants no contact or anything to do with me anymore and I feel so lost and all alone today, I know in my heart that it will be for the best because I have felt like calling it quits for a while now but just couldn't pull myself to do it and he did it no problem. I think that's one of the things that bothers me most, everything that he has done and I still stood by him even after faking recovery for the last year and a half I stood by him and after numerous times of cheating on me in the last year and a half I stood by him and then he walks away like nothing I am feeling really hurt right now like my life is pretty much over even though I know it's not. I feel like I will never find anybody to truly love me cause I wonder if it's even possible at my age I'm 50. I guess I wanted to bleed my heart out of how I feel and see if it helps me feel better. Words of encouragement welcome.


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 Post subject: Re: Feel So Lost Now
PostPosted: Wed May 28, 2014 2:29 pm 
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Joined: Thu Oct 11, 2012 2:02 pm
Posts: 420
Jennifernola,

My heart breaks for you. You are worth so much more than your circumstances! Your loyalty and faithfulness is of great value. The fact that he doesn't treasure you says a lot about him, but very little about you. It is so hard to be rejected; it is so unfair that you have to go through this. You did nothing to deserve it and you could do nothing to change it, because it is his addiction. His words may make you doubt yourself, but you know it is true. It's ok that you feel a little hopeless today; you will find your hope again. It's just hard today. Be good to yourself - you are weathering a very tough blow.

Sharing in your sorrow, and hopeful for what comes next for you,
thebagholder


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 Post subject: Re: Feel So Lost Now
PostPosted: Wed May 28, 2014 3:05 pm 
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Joined: Thu Feb 28, 2013 10:59 pm
Posts: 76
Location: East coast
Dear Jennifernola,

I am so sorry you are going through this. You do not deserve to be put through this anguish. Believe in yourself. It is not you! He is the deficient one.

May you find the peace you so richly deserve, and know you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Aphi83


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 Post subject: Re: Feel So Lost Now
PostPosted: Thu May 29, 2014 5:58 am 
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Joined: Mon Oct 29, 2012 2:06 pm
Posts: 58
Thank you The bagholder and aphi83 your words made me feel so much better and I very much appreciated them. I passed him in his vehicle last night and called him to see where he was going cause he looked straight ahead like he didn't see me (he was suppose to be just getting off work and he doesn't work in the town he was in). He said he missed me and wanted to come back after I talked to him for a few minutes and I asked him why didn't you contact me for then, why was I the one who had to call you and he said cause he was afraid he would cry if he did and he said he was also afraid I would reject him, I said so you was never going to contact me or have anything to do with me again cause you were afraid you would cry I guess that makes me very important to you huh. He talked to me for hours last night and kept telling me how tired he was cause he had slept in his vehicle the night before and he said he planned on sleeping in it again last night he kept talking to me and I felt sorry for him so I told him if you want you can come and sleep on the couch for the night, Now he says he wants to try again with me and he has been texting me all morning he said he will leave it up to me on whether we keep trying or not so now I am not sure what to do. I told him it's a waste of time if he doesn't change but I have told him this many times before and then he tells me everything I am doing wrong, he didn't do that last night but I figure he didn't cause he wants to come back now. I don't know what to do now, advise and thoughts please to help me with my decision on what to do.


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 Post subject: Re: Feel So Lost Now
PostPosted: Thu May 29, 2014 12:27 pm 
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Joined: Fri Jan 25, 2013 1:59 pm
Posts: 127
Hi I'm sorry to hear of your distress . You and only you will choose what is right for you at the time you are ready to do so . Think about what you will achieve and what do you want to get from this situation ? Is it a time to use tough love . Is this his time where he made a choice and has to take the RESPONCIBILITY of his actions ? A time to grow , a boundary perhaps ? Is it a time for you to grow ,  value you first ? Look on this perhaps as a gift of choice give him to himself let him sort him out . Your choice could perhaps be to look after you your needs . My granny use to say if you don't know what to do , do nothing . The problem sorts itself out ! You don't have a problem he does . Perhaps he needs to think about how his life could turn out and how amazing yours could be !!!!! Keep strong and 
honour you . You will chose what is right your gut is probably talking to you as I write trust it :-) 
I'm holding your hand on this whatever you do :-) your life is a gift  live it . x x
NDT


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 Post subject: Re: Feel So Lost Now
PostPosted: Tue Jun 10, 2014 9:59 am 
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Partner's Coach (Admin)

Joined: Fri Sep 14, 2007 3:07 pm
Posts: 5200
Hi Jennifernola,

I just wanted to see how you are going? As Newdaytomorrow said, none can choose for you but you. This may be a bit late in coming, but it is important to filter through your vision and values, rather than through your emotions. It may help to reflect on your options, and the likely outcome of those options. Then filter these through your vision and values. In this case it would help to think of the bigger picture, vs what is important in the immediate sense (which is often emotion-based, anyway).

Be well.

_________________
Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. (Viktor E. Frankl)


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