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PostPosted: Tue Jul 22, 2014 2:53 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jun 30, 2014 9:30 pm
Posts: 9
I'm very isolated here. I live in a very small town and H is well liked here. Hardly anyone knows about what he did (though he didn't hide it and went to visit his girlfriend at her work in the middle of the day), but everyone knows we're having marriage trouble. Rumors have gone around that I'm a horrible wife and I'm making H's life miserable and our marriage trouble is all my fault. H has known about the rumors but insists that it "isn't his place" to do anything about it.

So, there are women here who THINK they know my business, but don't. And they're very vocal. I had to block 6 women on FB because people started messaging me (people I've never met, mind you), telling me what a horrible wife I am and how wonderful my husband is. It's made my life here a hell on earth. I'm separated from my family in this horrible town and everyone hates me because they don't know what has happened. And H is content to let that continue, of course.

I hate it here. It's toxic and I can't go anywhere or do anything without feeling like I'm not good enough. And it doesn't help that I know I'm not H's type now. All of his searches for nasty, hardcore porn were of the same exact type of girl: skinny blonde teen. Those three words were in every search he made. I'm nothing like that.

I have ONE friend here that I still sort of trust (though not completely). That's it. Everyone else has been practically proven to be gossiping about me. Unfortunately, a new wife has moved to the area and my friend really gets along with her. Their husbands work together and are good friends as well. So, I've been pushed to third wheel status.

My friend B has another friend in town for a visit and B invited me over today for dinner at her house. It was going to be me, H, my kids, her (B), her husband and kids, the new girl (A), her husband and daughter, and the visiting girl (E).

So, I decided to suck it up and make an effort. I thought it might not be so bad if it wasn't just three of us.

I was wrong.

We just went over there and I saw E through the window and quickly identified her as H's type. She's young, skinny, blonde, tan... everything he kept searching for. And she's single. Super. But, I tried to push that aside and make an effort anyway. Well, I went inside and no one was there but E. She was in B's daughter's room when I got there and she shut the door. So, B's daughter, MY DAUGHTER, and E were in a room with the door shut. And I was standing in the dining room, ALL ALONE. It felt rude, but I decided not to jump to conclusions. So, when B's daughter opened her door, I peeked my head in and (all smiles) introduced myself. She said hi and then told the girls to go outside and play and walked out after them, completely leaving me ALL ALONE again. I stood there for a couple of minutes and couldn't take it anymore, so I came back home.

I hate my life here. I hate it. I'm so miserable. And it kills me that H is over there right now with this girl who's his type and was b**chy to me. It's so not fair.


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 10, 2014 1:13 pm 
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Joined: Sat Dec 05, 2009 12:40 am
Posts: 663
I am experiencing this myself lately. I do not know how long it will be before I can be around "his type" but I do know for me it is not yet. I spent all weekend at the beach with my parents and I had a really hard time with all the women in skimpy swimsuits, particularly the ones who looked tall and lean with long dark hair. That's "his type." I know it was unhealthy but I found myself comparing myself to them, thinking things like, "maybe he wouldn't have done all those things if I looked more like her (or her, or her)." I know that's not true, but it is too soon for me to be around 'his type' without being triggered, definitely. I bought a hair accessory from a girl at a craft show that looks like his latest flame and it's kind of spoling the hair accessory. I'm not to the point yet where I can be objective about these things.


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 29, 2014 4:42 am 
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Joined: Tue Aug 19, 2014 2:05 am
Posts: 56
I feel the same.

If I am around skinny blonde teenage looking woman, I feel sick. I compare myself, I feel envious, I blame myself, I look away incase he looks, I feel bad for him that I don't look like that, I want to basically go home and go to sleep.

What if that never changes. I cant imagine ever being in a room with a girl like that and feeling ok, or not noticing, or not wanting to leave.

Oh god, this is difficult. I never noticed woman like that before.


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