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 Post subject: So he says he will stop
PostPosted: Sun Sep 28, 2014 10:45 pm 
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Joined: Sat Sep 20, 2014 1:22 am
Posts: 25
Is it possible for an addict to just "stop" .... husband claims he is now over it and that part of him is now dead. I'm concerned as he hasn't done any of RN yet and he's been addicted for a LONG time.
Thoughts?


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 28, 2014 11:08 pm 
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Joined: Mon Nov 15, 2010 11:49 pm
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This will be answered in more detail as you go through the workshop, but the short answer is... sort of... but not really. Might he be abstinent from some acting out? Yes. In fact, he might be able to maintain abstinence for an extended period of time from some of the more obvious forms. But that won't mean that he's healthy. Abstinence is not recovery. In order to really stop he needs to find new, healthy ways of managing his emotions. Lasting change won't come until he puts significant time, energy, and effort into learning new life skills. Until then he will just be allowing the fear, shame, and anxiety to build with no way to cope, until the dam breaks; leading him to act out again. The best situation in that case is that he finds a new addiction... hopefully something not quite so traumatizing. But he easily could just go back to his old acting out, or he could escalate into more extreme behaviors. Long story short, if nothing you can see has changed - then nothing has changed.

It took my husband quite a while to admit that he couldn't just stop on his own. On the first D-day he swore that seeing how hurt I was, was enough to motivate him to never go near porn again. But it just wasn't enough. I hope that your H decides soon that this isn't something he can handle on his own.


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 28, 2014 11:40 pm 
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Thank you MrsJones,

I'm a little confused by the term "acting out" - can you clarify.

My greatest fear now at this time is how much damage has he done to himself and what could be next on the cards, also do I want to sit it out incase its a mess!


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 29, 2014 9:02 am 
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The terming acting out simply means whatever unhealthy behavior they are using to get emotional stimulation. This could be watching porn, contacting women on line, scanning ("people watching"), masturbation and fantasy... There are so many different forms and we won't necessarily know all the ways they are receiving unhealthy stimulation, so we just use the term acting out as a short cut.


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 30, 2014 3:21 am 
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Thank you :)


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 15, 2014 4:08 am 
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Joined: Sat Sep 20, 2014 1:22 am
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So he has started RN - confusing as I suspect things going on behind my back again


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