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 Post subject: ****My Absence*****
PostPosted: Mon Sep 29, 2014 7:37 am 
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General Coach (Admin)

Joined: Fri Oct 03, 2008 1:49 pm
Posts: 3957
I wanted to take a minute and explain my absence from RN.

I've had some major life changes in the past 4 months but non compare to the loss of my Husband. His name was Brian and he passed on August 3rd. It was sudden, a massive heart attack and I was with him just hanging out watching a movie at his place. I can't describe what it was like, I tried CPR until the medics got there they kept trying for 45 minutes, but he never came back. Some will know that we were separated for 6 years but he was still my best friend. I saw him almost every day, he still loved us and wanted to make things work. He knew that wasn't going to happen but he hung around anyway showing he cared in the ways he could. He would do things like take my car and fill it up with gas, get the oil changed or pick up my special blend of coffee when he came across it, pick up my medicines at the pharmacy, and so much more. We did our shopping together, in fact we had done it that day, we hung out and watched movies as we were both movie buffs, he would rent the new ones as soon as they came out or we would get them on demand if we couldn't wait, like that day.

I'm still not ok, some people act like there is a time limit where you should get over it and move on. I haven't been able to do that yet. It still hurts I'm still angry at God and other things have happened that have added to the stress of it all. I'm not ready to come back, but I'm trying. I have let some things slide that I have to take care of, you will see in another post how RN has been affected. I hope I can return to the forums soon and to helping the other coaches/mentors that have stepped up in my absence. Until then, take care of you.

Coach Cheryl


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 Post subject: Re: ****My Absence*****
PostPosted: Mon Sep 29, 2014 9:03 am 
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Partner's Mentor

Joined: Sun Sep 14, 2014 1:34 pm
Posts: 661
Coach Cheryl - I'm new to RN, but not new to grief. I wish I could say the words that would provide you solace. I am so sorry for your loss. Someone once told me about profound loss: you don't get over it, you just get used to it.

Wishing you strength and peace during this difficult time.

dnell


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 Post subject: Re: ****My Absence*****
PostPosted: Mon Sep 29, 2014 9:07 am 
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Partner's Coach

Joined: Mon Nov 15, 2010 11:49 pm
Posts: 675
Coach Cheryl, I am so so sorry for your loss. You have been in my thoughts and will certainly continue to be more so now. I hope that you feel free to take the time that you need to grieve and heal. You have done so much for this community and given so much of yourself to help us. When you're ready to be back here, you will be. Much love.
Mrs. Jones


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 Post subject: Re: ****My Absence*****
PostPosted: Mon Sep 29, 2014 7:38 pm 
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Partner's Coach

Joined: Wed Mar 09, 2011 11:36 pm
Posts: 1291
Dear Cheryl,
My heart breaks for you. My first husband died when he was 36 and I was 31. It was the single most painful thing I have ever lived through. And our story wasn't "clean" as he had moved in with another woman and then committed suicide shortly after our divorce was final. That was 18 years ago now. I remember feeling the same way - that there is some sort of time limit and really we were still hurting pretty badly even a year later. I hesitate to 'give advice' but I just want to say I found grief support groups a very safe, healing place to be for the year or two after he died. Maybe you've already looked into that. It helped me to tell our story, his story, the story how he died etc.

I will say for me, I did heal. I didn't just get used to it. I did eventually heal up from the trauma of suddenly losing him but it took a lot longer than even I thought. I miss him still sometimes when our kids have major life events but the daily, hot, burning pain is healed now.

_________________

"What day is it,?" asked Pooh.
"It's today," squeaked Piglet.
"My favorite day," said Pooh.


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 Post subject: Re: ****My Absence*****
PostPosted: Mon Sep 29, 2014 11:53 pm 
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Partner's Mentor

Joined: Wed Apr 29, 2009 10:49 pm
Posts: 3834
Dear Cheryl,
I am so very sorry and saddened by your loss. Take all the time you need to heal your heart. We will miss your presence and know how very much your work and commitment has made RN possible to continue. My heartfelt thanks. Now is the time to take care of you for as long as it takes.

Love,
Nellie James


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 Post subject: Re: ****My Absence*****
PostPosted: Tue Sep 30, 2014 11:38 am 
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Joined: Tue Oct 21, 2008 4:35 am
Posts: 1126
Cheryl,
My heartfelt condolences to you. Im not a religious person, however there's a benediction i remember from my younger days when i used to attend church. It never failed to move me back then and it still does today. Here it is.

May the Lord bless you and keep you.
May the Lord make his face to shine upon you,
and be gracious to you.
May the Lord lift up his countenance upon you,
and give you peace.

Love
Lizzie


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 Post subject: Re: ****My Absence*****
PostPosted: Tue Sep 30, 2014 7:18 pm 
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Joined: Tue Aug 05, 2014 7:02 am
Posts: 63
coachcheryl,

I am so sorry. So very sorry. I have never experienced the loss of a partner, although I have experienced other close and painful losses.

We will be here when you are ready. And, because of the care you have taken of us in the past, we will be okay until then. Thank you. Be well.


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 Post subject: Re: ****My Absence*****
PostPosted: Sat Oct 04, 2014 9:08 am 
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Partner's Mentor

Joined: Wed Dec 31, 1969 7:33 pm
Posts: 542
I am so sorry to read this Cheryl. You are deeply in my thoughts.


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 Post subject: Re: ****My Absence*****
PostPosted: Sun Oct 05, 2014 7:02 pm 
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Partner's Mentor

Joined: Mon Mar 23, 2009 1:20 pm
Posts: 1422
My dear Cheryl,
I am so very sorry for your loss. It is a huge loss. Take all the time you need to deal with your grief. Take the best possible care you can of yourself. if there is anything I/we can do, please let us know. I know your spirituality may be in conflict with your anger. God understands. I am holding you in the light.
With love and sympathy,
pjn


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 Post subject: Re: ****My Absence*****
PostPosted: Wed Oct 08, 2014 8:35 am 
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General Coach (Admin)

Joined: Fri Oct 03, 2008 1:49 pm
Posts: 3957
Thank you everyone for your kind thoughts and prayers.

Cheryl


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 Post subject: Re: ****My Absence*****
PostPosted: Sun Oct 12, 2014 9:24 am 
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Joined: Sun Jun 29, 2014 9:48 pm
Posts: 45
Dear Coach Cheryl,

I am so sorry for your loss. Please accept my condolences.
Sincerely,
endofmyrope


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 Post subject: Re: ****My Absence*****
PostPosted: Sun Oct 19, 2014 9:35 am 
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Joined: Sun Jan 31, 2010 10:51 am
Posts: 243
Dear CoachCheryl,

There is no time limit on grief, as people have often reminded me to my great benefit. What a horrible time to have to go through.

You have been a source of strength to so many and thanks to you and the other coaches and mentors, we are stronger and will thrive, even as we wait for you to process your grief and reconnect to us when you are ready. Now is a time for you to think of yourself and I doubt if any of us would begrudge that for you.

There is nothing easy about what you are going through and no words can fix it but though I have never met you, I hold you in my heart and prayers. My heart sends healing, warmth and comfort into the universe for you.

Andromache


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