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PostPosted: Wed Oct 15, 2014 3:57 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jan 21, 2013 9:33 pm
Posts: 96
I guess I'm looking for some perspective from both sides...

Let me start by saying that I'm pretty frustrated at the moment and I'm not really sure what to do.

My therapist has essentially told me to leave my partner. She says he is not serious about his recovery.

Logically speaking, I really don't know what she is basing this on because she has only met with my partner once!

I see my partner going to meetings and meeting with his therapist. He may not be there yet, but he is trying to do the work.

On the other hand, my partner's therapist continues to refer to my "unhealthy" behaviors in sessions with my partner. However, he has never met with me to discuss this.

I have been working hard at my recovery -- going to meetings, doing RN, etc. -- and I think I am doing well, so this statement seems rather unfair.

It just feels like there are a lot of assumptions being made on both therapists' parts about the other parties and those parties' motivation to change that are just not true.

We have asked for a 4-way meeting to clear the air, but that doesn't seem to be happening. To make matters worse, the therapists have told us that they talk together about us, but they won't share with either my partner nor I what they discuss.

When my partner first entered therapy, we signed papers giving both therapists the right to talk to each other so they could treat us individually and as a team so I am very confused about why they are now reluctant to do so.

My therapist told me that because my partner and I aren't married that she and my partner's therapist don't have a "framework" for dealing with us as a couple. I think that is bullish*t. It's parochial, invalidates me, and doesn't help my partner to be accountable.

It is starting to feel like neither therapist supports our relationship. For what reason, I do not know.

Has anyone else been in this situation? How did you handle it?

Right now, I just want to tell both of them to go (you know what) themselves.


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 15, 2014 10:22 pm 
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Partner's Mentor

Joined: Wed Apr 29, 2009 10:49 pm
Posts: 3834
Quote:
On the other hand, my partner's therapist continues to refer to my "unhealthy" behaviors in sessions with my partner. However, he has never met with me to discuss this.
Were you in these sessions to hear these words yourself? Or is your partner passing this information onto you himself?

Who has told you that neither therapist want to sit down as a foursome to discuss this? If your therapist has communicated this to you, ask for an explanation. If you feel you would prefer a new therapist, go for it. Many of us have changed counselors more than once. I believe there is a list of questions to ask when interviewing possible therapists/counselors. Perhaps, a coach can find that list for you.

Hope this helps. :w:
Nellie James


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 16, 2014 8:28 am 
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Joined: Mon Jan 21, 2013 9:33 pm
Posts: 96
Hi Nellie,

Yes, I heard it directly from my partner's therapist.

Both therapists have agreed to a 4-way meeting, but for some reason, it never seems to happen. I can't figure out if my partner is the issue or not -- he tells me he's willing to go ahead -- and he's told me that in front of his own therapist. So...

At this point, I don't know who to trust. I can't trust my partner, but I don't feel that I can trust the therapists either. I feel like I'm becoming really isolated with all this and I don't think that's good.

I hope I'm making sense.

SP


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 16, 2014 9:33 am 
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Partner's Mentor

Joined: Wed Apr 29, 2009 10:49 pm
Posts: 3834
Talk to your therapist and tell her that you need a four way meeting so you can clear the air about questions/issues that you have.

If you are not satisfied with the response you get, start interviewing other therapists to find one that relates to you.

Nellie


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