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PostPosted: Sun Oct 19, 2014 10:00 pm 
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Joined: Wed Sep 17, 2014 12:59 am
Posts: 33
I'm hoping someone can give me some more insight into this point in stage 3,lesson 1 (exercise 14):

"That there is a difference between what motivates addictive/compulsive behavior and that which motivates selfish, immoral behavior. And while it may be hard for you to identify which is which — and in some cases impossible — many answers can be found by looking towards the how the behavior has been perpetuated."

I feel like this should be clear to me as I've been understanding most of the concepts in the lessons fairly well. Can someone please expand?


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 22, 2014 11:42 am 
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Joined: Tue Jul 01, 2014 2:33 pm
Posts: 50
I'm not a coach or anything so I can't clarify what RN might want of you but I can speak as a former addict myself. When you make a selfish or immoral decision there is normaly an understanding that you are being selfish and immoral. When you make an addictive decision it is normaly based on an impulsive need. In the moment you fail to realize that the impulsive need may be selfish or immoral. As an addict you often have some way that you can justify acting as such. I know it can be difficult to understand how an addict can do this. Think of it like eating something that is unhealthy. You know it will have conciquences to you health but as you indulge in that item you will find some way to justify eating it. Maybe you tell yourself that you don't eat it often so you have the right to treat yourself or that you will just find a way to work off the extra calories. Eaither way you are still making a bad choice. This is how addictive choices work. The addict knows they are making a bad choice and often feel guilt for doing so but they lack the strength or tools to resist. It's not a conscious or uncaring decision to be selfish and immoral.
Hope this helps.


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 24, 2014 12:54 am 
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Joined: Wed Apr 29, 2009 10:49 pm
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I remember how hung up I was on this lesson. In my heart, I wanted my H to be motivated by his compulsions not by conscious immorality. I didn't want to be married to a heartless monster. How could I tell who or what my H was. Scarey. A very wise coach told me to not get hung up on the label. Regardless, I was here on RN to heal myself, to empower myself, and live the vision I had for myself regardless of what my husband had chosen to do and why. The work and goal was the same for me. Worrying about what box my H fit into robbed me of the energy and focus I needed for me. She was so right.

Hope this helps. :w:
Nellie James


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