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 Post subject: Eroticized rage
PostPosted: Thu Nov 06, 2014 10:09 am 
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Partner's Mentor

Joined: Sun Sep 14, 2014 1:34 pm
Posts: 661
In another partners forum topic, Sp2007 suggested reading about eroticized rage. That was very helpful. Here's a link:

http://www.recoveryzone.com/therapists/SDIscales.html

I clearly see the fantasy sex and boundary invasion issues with my husband. The whole obsessive scanning, staring, ogling, fantasizing and trance state he gets in when is is looking at real women (mostly in public, but also on tv, in the movies, on billboards, magazines, you name it) has this predatory feel to me. Once I understood his porn addiction, but not completely understood his total SA, I watched him more carefully. His scanning had escalated, and when he is locked on to a woman he is viewing and in his fantasy, it takes him over and his face, it is hard to describe, but it is very hard and predatory. It's like he is taking her all in in an aggressive, all consuming way. It scares me. He is completely consumed in the fantasy.

I also get the sense from him and his anger with me that his compsulsive behavior had an element of "getting even" with me about god knows what. This has to be the underlying intimacy disorder. This also scares the willies out of me.

It sure makes sense, in an awful scary way, of all the contempt and devaluation of me and his grievous entitlement.

I'm not his therapist. He has to understand and deal with these issues to get healthy. I need to deal with healing. Understanding what has happened to me, and what is going on now, is immensely helpful but only part of my healing. I know I did not cause any of this in my husband. I know i am damaged. I know I can heal. I find it incredibly scary, painful and anxiety provoking, still, to realize what has happened to me.

dnell


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