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 Post subject: new here!
PostPosted: Sun Jan 11, 2015 3:12 pm 
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Joined: Sun Dec 28, 2014 6:11 pm
Posts: 12
Hi, I'm so glad I found this board...
So, we got engaged in December after 2.5 years together.... and 9 days later, I am contacted by one of the many women. Can you say completely shattered and humiliated?
I had him tell me everything (minus unnecessary details). We've had many open, albeit painful, talks. He has been to counseling twice already and stopped contact with the women. He says he knows he will not do this again and is relying on his faith in God to guide him. I believe in him. But I am scared. I was married to an alcoholic for 20 years who relapsed a lot...
My question is how many sex addicts recover without relapse? This has been ongoing for 10 years and he is in his 30s.
How do I handle our sex life? It had gotten stale while he was active in this addiction and I had complained to no avail.Now he is focused back on us and it has been awesome! But I worry that it could impede on his progress as we continue to try new things together.
Thanks.


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 Post subject: Re: new here!
PostPosted: Mon Jan 12, 2015 6:56 pm 
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Joined: Sun Dec 28, 2014 6:11 pm
Posts: 12
Okkkkkk......:/


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 Post subject: Re: new here!
PostPosted: Mon Jan 12, 2015 9:01 pm 
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Joined: Tue Aug 05, 2014 7:02 am
Posts: 63
Hi Whitewave,

Welcome. It is painful to realize that you need a place such as this-- but, if you do, this is a very good place to be :g:

It seems from your post that your dday was very recent. Know that, right now, you are very very early in beginning to process this incredibly difficult situation and that it is entirely possible that your thoughts and feelings will undergo signifiant change in the next few weeks and months. Know that that is okay. Give yourself time. Read. Read everything this site has to offer-- in the community forums as well as the workshop. The workshop will help you to understand both the situation in which you have found yourself and how to come up with your own answers to the questions you have asked-- answers that are right for you. Do the lessons. There is no greater gift you can give yourself right now than that. Enough has been taken away from you. Concentrate on strengthening yourself now, and rebuilding what has been damaged within you.

I am also very early on in my process- although my dday was almost six months ago, now. I am not a coach, just a fellow traveller, but I wanted to reach out to you because your post has caught me somewhat off guard and worries me slightly. If your dday was in fact as recent as it seems-- then it also feels as though you may not yet be in a place where you are fully understanding the reality of what you have discovered. Please do not be offended by my saying this-- it is said with love and compassion. Please, for the sake of your own heart and emotional well-being, spend some time here on RN reading through the forums and working through the lessons. They may hold many of the answers you are looking for. They will give you a very realistic look at what lies ahead.

I wish I could give you more, or better, answers to your questions. More than anything, I want you to know that we are here. Be well. I am glad you have found your way here.

River


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 Post subject: Re: new here!
PostPosted: Wed Jan 14, 2015 12:10 am 
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Joined: Tue Dec 30, 2014 12:20 am
Posts: 131
Whitewave,
I,too, am new here, joining about the same time as you.....my DDay was in Oct and I have been searching all over on support websites for partners of sex addicts.....you are lucky to have found RN so quickly. River is soooooo articulate in saying you need to give yourself some time and read as much as you can here. Trying to understand your SA is going to be a huge challenge and it isnt going to be a short journey!
Kajer

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It is always OK in the end...if it's not OK, it's not the end!


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