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PostPosted: Wed Jan 21, 2015 3:21 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jul 01, 2014 1:38 pm
Posts: 67
I feel like my depression is never ending. It is 11 months since my partner of 24 years was arrested for child porn and due to the massive backlog in the police tech support labs hes still on precharge bail so the police, courts and prison still hanging over the family like a giant axe. I have been on antidepressants for 10 months but they don't stop the thoughts. Counselling doesnt help as talking about the pain doesnt make it stop. Moved out of the family home 6 weeks ago and tried to start a new life with limited contact with the SA but even when I am doing new things to take my.mind off it the depression is always there gnawing away. Mindfulness is a real struggle to achieve when my head's like this. Starting COSA to see if it can help me detach from my anxiety about the SAs future - he is in recovery and has a bipolar disorder but that wont mean much to the court. Am I expecting too much of myself to be able to feel happy now? Friends keep telling me just to move on but its so hard to stop caring for someone after spending all your adult life loving them. Any advice?

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'The only real failure in life is not to be true to the best one knows'. Buddha.


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 30, 2015 6:51 am 
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Partner's Coach (Admin)

Joined: Fri Sep 14, 2007 3:07 pm
Posts: 5200
Am I expecting too much of myself to be able to feel happy now? Friends keep telling me just to move on but its so hard to stop caring for someone after spending all your adult life loving them. Any advice?

Yes, I thin you are. I suspect the advice of your well-meaning friends isn't helping because not only do you have this burden that most people would not even know how to begin to cope with, you also have the burden of feeling like you "should" be moving on. There is no one 'thing' that will help you "get over" this trauma. All there is to do is keep putting one foot in front of the other, and practicing those skills that you are developing. You may only be able to be "mindful" for 5 minutes a day today, but next week it may be 6 minutes. Eventually, with practice, you will get there. If you are still in the shock of it all (which, I could only imagine that you would be) then it is possible that much of what you are learning to "get over it" and "move on" is not really landing for you right now. Be gentle with yourself. Don't take on these external expectations. Do what you can. Catch yourself "going there". It might help to keep a journal to write down the spurious thoughts that enter your mind. Keep in mind that you sense of security in this world has been shaken to its core and in more than one way because of this whole ordeal. Writing down your (false) thoughts, and then correcting them (even if only by rote at the beginning) will help you to separate yourself from this event. Also, doing the workshop will help you regain balance and stability, but only when you are ready. As with anything else you are doing to try to get past this, you will have to allow the work to register more deeply to "get it". It would be nice if we could all have hit over the head "aha" moments will all aspects of the workshop, but the reality is-we don't. The reality is-it's work and it will take consistent and ongoing practice, just as any other learning experience in life.

Be well.

_________________
Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. (Viktor E. Frankl)


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