Recovery Nation

Personal Development Forum
It is currently Tue Jul 16, 2019 5:50 pm

All times are UTC - 5 hours




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 26 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2
Author Message
PostPosted: Wed Jul 15, 2015 9:42 am 
Offline

Joined: Sun Apr 12, 2015 8:46 am
Posts: 40
I just want to add something, as I am running out of humility here. Posting/sharing all of this was tough.

Quote:
I think there is a big difference in having healthy boundaries and being selfish. I understand what Kenzo means as in act in your own best interest when faced with abusive behavior.


Autumn Rose, I already got that. I didn't mean the negative connotation of the word 'selfish', just as he didn't. Your clarification makes this a better discussion, so thank you for that.

Hopefully my sharing this ugliness will help me, my partner, and others navigate their way through the often murky times following the revelation of an addiction.

This community (thank you again for all of your replies), reading Jon Marsh's insights, and the partner's program have been invaluable to me.

It can be hard to navigate all of this stuff even with those resources, though. I find gaining an understanding of addiction has blurred boundaries re: how much to accept from another. (Many of us struggle with boundaries, anyway.) I got a bit lost in wondering what to expect from him, and what to accept, as I learn about how he is a person rebuilding himself, and is not completely in control yet. Obviously I know overt abuse is a clear line drawn. But before that behavior emerged, there were so many subtleties I missed; like him turning my discomfort with his scanning into a stronger urge to scan--my pressure was to blame, apparently. There were so many little mind games like this, and passing of blame onto me. I have been walking on eggshells to support his recovery, when his addiction has zero to do with me (as the partner's program constantly says). I was being totally manipulated and exhausted. Learning how to support someone and yourself through recovery takes a little getting used to, and a lot of tweaking. I am now detaching properly. I can see the games and I don't want to play anymore. His recovery=his deal. His addiction=his deal.

Anyway, this stuff is tricky. I think we were both manipulated by his addiction in this first try of his recovery on RN.

Now I will follow up with the advice given here, and keep everyone posted. (Currently awaiting a new phone service so we can call the DV hotline and get some advice/perspective from there. Most of the stereotypical abuse scenarios online do not describe this situation adequately--he does not fit into that controlling box in quite the extreme described in most abuse profiles; I do not feel controlled at all. Manipulated at times, yes. [I feel he tries to control/protect his world, not mine], and he has occasional breakdowns--and I really want us to speak to a person/professionals. That suggestion is definitely still going ahead.)

Please keep the comments coming if you have anything to add or share.

Thanks very much,
Lava Lamb


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Thu Jul 16, 2015 4:58 pm 
Offline
Partner's Mentor

Joined: Mon Sep 16, 2013 3:22 pm
Posts: 124
Dear Lava Lamb,

First, I want to acknowledge how brave it is for you to post this dark side of recovery here and open yourself up to hearing some difficult things. I know in my own posting, I was very careful about how I worded things early on because I didn't want to sound like a victim and wanted to have compassion for my husband as he was going through a clearly difficult time. So I appreciate your willingness to share the truth in the humbling details.

Lava Lamb wrote:
rages, breaking things, physically hurting himself and sometimes stopping just shy of hurting me (he's grabbed me and shaken me) ...He scares me, himself, and our pets.


I want to be crystal clear without softening the blow. What you're describing is domestic violence.

Whether the classic description of control being the motivator fits here is really irrelevant. In my personal experience, even now, I don't see that control was the main driver, and like you, it felt more like manipulation to hide his SA. But the resulting abuse was the same. The hard thing for me was that I didn't see it as domestic violence until I got out of it. Some of the subtle things that fit under domestic violence in my husband's case were: using Find My Phone to track where I was (not trusting me to be where I said I was going), blaming me for his SA because I didn't have enough sex with him, shouting and angry outbursts, throwing my cat outside by the neck when it scratched one of the kids, not allowing me to take my old cat to the vet because it would cost too much money, suspecting me of cheating, being jealous of my friendships and time away from him, gaslighting, and subtly putting down my creative endeavors (playing music and sewing), which I excused by believing we just have different aesthetic tastes.

In fact, with some distance now, I believe many of the descriptions I read from partners on RN constitute a form of domestic violence that isn't well defined or acknowledged here. Having an affair and potentially exposing a partner to an STD, cheating and then blaming partner for behavior, insulting or putting a partner down--these are all listed as forms of abuse. And while anger and outbursts may be a common and even normal part of the sex addiction recovery process, that does not mean they are acceptable or should be normalized. I found this site to be helpful, since it outlines some of the subtler forms of violence: http://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse ... /#tab-id-2

Lava Lamb wrote:
The gut feelings when things go wrong: I allow for some grey area in recovery.


Lava Lamb wrote:
Quote:
My level of understanding (for him) and resiliency are probably useful attributes in a healthy relationship. In an unhealthy one, with me still working on building firmer boundaries, it's not wise to invest so much of myself (in light of how little my partner is investing at times). I see that now...


Lava Lamb wrote:
I am not ready to move out or give up, a lot is still working in our relationship


I was exactly in this place last year. In fact, I consider my resilience, understanding, forgiveness and ability to see the gray areas as some of my greatest strengths, as I'm sure they are for you. Like you, I could really sympathize with my partner, continue to see the good in him and the potential in our relationship, and give him the benefit of the doubt. I'm glad you're able to see that those strengths can also be a serious problem when you're in a situation that threatens your safety. There are some things that are not negotiable as gray areas. That includes shaking, scaring you, scaring pets, breaking things.

What I discovered as my husband seemingly progressed through recovery was that my forgiving and allowing for gray areas only allowed for things to continue and did escalate over time. So many of these things are so subtle, it's hard to see them evolving. But I will let you know that it can escalate, as you've noted in your post title. Do not let it. My husband's violence escalated to the point of pulling my daughter's hair, which was devastating. I'm still dealing with the fallout for all of my kids and myself and I finally did leave. If you met my husband, you would NEVER guess him capable of hurting anyone. He's very kind and gentle most of the time, which makes it even harder to call it domestic violence or see him as an abuser.

Please make it a priority to get yourself into a safe situation AWAY from the abuser as soon as possible. I don't use that term lightly. It's important to see the situation for what it is. For me, that took several months of planning, saving and resourcefulness (I completely furnished a place with free and cheap stuff from Craigslist and sleep on the sofabed in the living room so my kids can have their own room), as well as coming to terms with the realities of my situation. One therapist told me, after I spilled out the whole sequence of events, lightheartedly told me I was a slow learner. She was right.

Lava Lamb wrote:
We both wanted that for me regardless of any turmoil in our situation--for me to have my own independent finances/options.

. . .

we both think me pursuing my own stuff in future (regardless of how the relationship goes) makes sense.

. . .

We both got way too busy, got off our programs, stopped looking after ourselves (hobbies/relaxation-wise), were living and working together 24/7, and when he started slipping tensions were running SO HIGH. I'm not excusing what happened at all. But I do want to try both of us getting back on track with better measures in place to support ourselves, and more realistic expectations.


I notice in your descriptions that you frequently talk about your situation in terms of "we." Go back and take a look at how many times you talk about "we." From my own experience of having been exactly where you are--trying to plan, fix, make it right for both of us--it's really important to let go of the "we" for the time being and focus on the "me." It may be that your partner can recover. It may be that there is a strong, respectful relationship that is possible between you. But that is not the case right now. His recovery, as RN tells us so often, is totally and completely out of your hands. I learned that lesson the hard way myself--after so many attempts to fix things. And in the mean time, he is putting you in danger.

Please value yourself enough to get yourself out of a dangerous situation. Work on your own recovery, do the hard work of going through the lessons, and really hone your values and boundaries so that there are no gray areas that leave you vulnerable to violence, both emotional and physical.

I hope I haven't overstepped the RN guidelines here by being so blunt. I feel like in situations like yours where physical safety is at stake, there is no room for "maybe you should's" or "potential next times."

With empathy and hope for your health and safety,

(still) Rising


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Thu Jul 16, 2015 6:57 pm 
Offline

Joined: Sun Apr 12, 2015 8:46 am
Posts: 40
Rising to Challenge,

Thank you so much for your post. The bluntness is appropriate in my opinion, given the situation and topic at hand.

I am sorry you and your family went through that nightmare, and I thank you (again) for sharing your wisdom gained.

I was in an abusive relationship in my twenties, and leaving became such a no-brainer (and I couldn't believe I stayed for so long). I am a slightly quicker learner now, heh, but obviously still can get caught out in situations I should have called earlier.

Quote:
In fact, with some distance now, I believe many of the descriptions I read from partners on RN constitute a form of domestic violence that isn't well defined or acknowledged here. Having an affair and potentially exposing a partner to an STD, cheating and then blaming partner for behavior, insulting or putting a partner down--these are all listed as forms of abuse. And while anger and outbursts may be a common and even normal part of the sex addiction recovery process, that does not mean they are acceptable or should be normalized.

I absolutely agree--most of the behavior perpetrated by SAs falls squarely under domestic abuse, and I am starting to get firmer boundaries and realize much of it is just plain unacceptable (all of that extreme stuff, for sure. The subtler stuff takes longer for me to draw the line at. With my bf, it was never more than porn and fantasy/scanning. He stopped porn and masturbation entirely. Now we are just left with the lingering addiction behaviors and life management skill deficits).

I looked up the website link (thank you). He doesn't do any of that stuff except addiction protecting gas-lighting at times. I actually used to be somewhat jealous of where HE went in the beginning of our relationship. I'm not proud of that, but I am quite insecure early in relationships and really have to force myself to be less weird and controlling and get myself back on track with being a decent, well-adjusted person. He has always been genuinely supportive of me, my interests, my appearance, my opinions, etc. We actually have a strong friendship (the alter ego of addiction notwithstanding. The destructive behavior of his addiction/recovery/whatever drives those breakdowns is indeed tearing down our relationship).

My first post was probably quite alarming--I made the decision to expose one of those dark moments that usually only surface every 3-4 months and then fade into the background and get filed under 'recovery emotional management slip'. This last time was the first time I really got real about it being abuse and a potential mental health issue, as well.

Right now things are back to 'normal', except I am somewhat wary, starting to finally detach from his recovery, consider my options, and urge him to get help.

It is so hard to explain all of this without sounding like I am excusing the instances of escalating abuse. Those are an absolute no-go zone, I agree. I do not feel like I am in immediate danger, but I do feel like this situation needs my (and his, for his part) immediate attention. I have started to make little adjustments toward independence and away from denial. We are both aiming to get help (perfect timing for our phone to be down, but ASAP).

I had not noticed how often I said 'we'--thanks for that observation, and it forced me to delete that word many times in this reply and consider myself solely.

I take your words to heart.
LL


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Thu Jul 16, 2015 7:36 pm 
Offline
Partner's Mentor

Joined: Thu Apr 18, 2013 11:38 pm
Posts: 515
Lava Lamb wrote:
My first post was probably quite alarming--I made the decision to expose one of those dark moments that usually only surface every 3-4 months and then fade into the background and get filed under 'recovery emotional management slip'. This last time was the first time I really got real about it being abuse and a potential mental health issue, as well.


Hi, Lava lamb,

I have been in the space where I measured cycles by time, as if time softened them.

The problem is, time does soften them to the point it numbs us. We forget.

But your bf's outbursts and violent behavior stand on their own as instances of abuse.

Perhaps you've seen this before, but this diagram shows the cycle of abuse. It is not uncommon to see variations of this as paralleled to addictive behavior. And abuse is defined as more than physical abuse.
http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/cycle_of_abuse.html

Each "dark moment" is an abusive moment.

And because you wish, very much, for these to pass, there is "relief" when they go away. This is akin to the honeymoon period. The distance between that dark moment and his so-called recovery times give a false sense of security.

In retrospect I wish my initial response to you had been more pointed, but it also serves as recognition of the impact of abusive behavior in my own relationship. It is only of late I have begun to objectively see how extraordinarily manipulative and abusive my husband's choices were. My self esteem was cut to a pulp. it made action and boundaries very hard (it is easier now). In knowing the time and work I needed to get to see that, I tried to put myself in your shoes so that I may meet you where you are.

The book, "Should I Stay or Should ai go?" may be an additional help for you. The author, Lundy Bancroft, is a strong, compassionate, no nonsense man. It is a highly empathetic book.

I am grateful others in this thread have stepped forward with kind, direct observations and clarity for you.

If I can offer additional support, please continue to post. You are fully seen and supported here.

In empathy,
Meep


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Fri Jul 17, 2015 8:38 am 
Offline

Joined: Sun Apr 12, 2015 8:46 am
Posts: 40
Meep,

I have appreciated all of your responses very much. I think each of your approaches have been useful in gaining more perspective and understanding here.

The Cycle of Abuse diagram is a useful tool for gaining still more clarity--thanks for sharing.

Quote:
I find gaining an understanding of addiction has blurred boundaries re: how much to accept from another. (Many of us struggle with boundaries, anyway.) I got a bit lost in wondering what to expect from him, and what to accept, as I learn about how he is a person rebuilding himself, and is not completely in control yet. Obviously I know overt abuse is a clear line drawn.


I now feel for the first time, with the help of yourself and others who have contributed to this discussion, a proper awareness of this pattern. This awareness is my best tool moving forward. (And also a tool for my bf, if he utilizes it to begin real change and develop self-awareness.) I do find it difficult to get caught in the same traps once I know they are there. Like RisingtoChallenge, I am a slow learner, but once I've learned, it's learned (albeit finding a path out of various messes takes still more work).

Anyway, prior to this point I really was just quite swept up in and allowing myself to become part of someone else's problem. Thanks to everyone here for helping me lift my head up and gain some perspective and awareness of my/our situation, which is the only way I can find my way through.

I am grateful for your time and concern, and feel the frustration and pain of all of have been here,

LL
P.S. Moving forward, I will keep you updated here.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Thu Jul 30, 2015 12:41 pm 
Offline

Joined: Sun Apr 12, 2015 8:46 am
Posts: 40
I am very discouraged and exhausted here, but have made some progress and felt I should update here. Firstly, I posted this (quote below) on a community thread of my partner's because he asked me to, and mistakenly read the forum rules as permitting guest posts on threads when invited/opened to partners. He was having trouble revealing our situation to others, so after about an hour of him trying to post, and then about 20 minutes of discussion, he asked me to weigh in. And at that point, I was feeling like some sort of intervention was needed. So I intervened. But then got rebuked for breaking the forum rules. I spent most of last night sobbing off and on. Which is quite an over-reaction. But things have just accumulated and I reached breaking point. He was also coming to me with things others posted and saying they were helpful, and those were things I have been saying verbatim for over a year. He said when I say things, he tunes me out. We noticed he'll only engage with others. And that's a kind of an intimacy/connection that he's denying me. This made me sob, too.

Anyway, here is an excerpt of my post:
Quote:
He often says I am "devastated" by his looking at other women. I am not. I spot them before he does. I know he looks at women. It's how he manages these situations that I am completely exhausted with.

First, the return of the addict. He comes home distant, odd, and I find myself irritated by him. Then, the gas lighting. He asks me if I have a problem. I ask if he does, if he has anything to share because it's palpable he does. He says "no". Yesterday I couldn't stand the rising tension and BS anymore, especially since he's supposedly committed to being honest with both of us. I said "I saw the girl at {your work}" (I totally knew he was going to check her out/want to when I dropped him off.) He then made lame awkward chit chat about her and some other guy working with her and about how he was watching the guy scrape paint. Eventually I told him to cut the sh*t and he said, OK, he did check her out, but convinced himself he was "just looking" and that was fine. I said "So, the addict in you has renamed scanning and called it "just looking" and now it's fine? How is that part of a healthy recovery?"

Things basically degenerated from there. He left for work, came home again, and by nightfall he had completely given up on his recovery and our relationship. He said it's too hard. (All because he saw one girl, FFS. There are women everywhere. I want him to learn to deal better.) He broke up with me, told me he had not had enough addiction and wanted more, told me he wanted me to move out. I have nowhere to go, almost no savings, 3 pets, and have been trying to help him these past 2 years and build a relationship, and he is my employer. So, uh, when he says he checked out a girl and I am now devastated....I was devastated by the break-up and the new-found declaration of commitment to his addiction.

When he comes home in that state and starts lying I always know where it's headed. I try to get him to tell the truth before a meltdown, but he says it's just too hard to face me. He's done it before (come to me with the truth) and we NEVER argue when he comes to me with things.

I am just so exhausted with this BS. It's so unnecessary and incredibly painful. I'm practically packing my bags here, destination or no.

Thank you KPTB for letting me tell my side of the story.

Lava Lamb
(Edit: I should point out before this happened, as is often the case, we were both doing well and rebuilding ourselves and relationship since the last blow-out. We called the DV hotline and some other resources in our area and were each moving ahead with working on solutions/support for the hard stuff, and building a functional relationship. I don't read his recovery thread unless he shares something with me, but he seemed to be doing better with his recovery efforts this time around, was confident and sharing, and generally good company. Myself and visiting relatives helped him clear out and clean much of his property here, he was generally feeling and acting productive (externally and internally). I also was feeling better, and trust and intimacy (and hope) had begun to grow again between us, and talk of the future. We are so busy right now (often on joint work and projects) we really need harmony/connected-ness to function. When he came home the other day in this state I was happily baking bread. These episodes blind-side me when I finally feel secure again. He is actively recovering, then he shows up as an addict again and basically makes me battle against his addiction. I am kind of finding it harder to care about him or his recovery, I'm so over this dynamic and how stressful and destructive it is. This is HIS battle and I completely resent him unleashing his darkness on me because he refuses to learn to control it. I have pointed out this pattern many times but he still operates with zero awareness. The lying: he says he cannot remember the consequences of past lies when he decides to lie again and pull everything down, dismantle his recovery and our intimacy: "I just didn't think." I think this is as much a problem with sticking to his recovery as it is with being honest. Lying is what he does to dismantle his recovery. Then he acts surprised by the damage. And since this happened he has of course recanted his break-up. I am numb.)


He broke up with me again this morning. Apparently first he decided he needs to start taking responsibility for himself. (I have said this, too--that I cannot play happy girlfriend anymore. I am reconciling with him when he does not deserve it. So this time, he needs to do the work, and I may stay, or I may find a way to leave, but I won't play these games anymore, where I try to have a relationship and he manipulates my behavior to get the happy gf he wants, but keeps his addiction, too.) Then he decided to break up instead. I felt exactly like a broken toy he didn't want to play with anymore. He originally invited me to live with him with the idea that I might be able to get on my feet after a rough few years (in addition to having fallen for each other and him basically living with me in my rental house--it made sense at the time to be under one roof.). This has been an even rougher couple of years. I am, as I said, exhausted and utterly unprepared to begin a life from scratch again. He treated me like the object abusers do: he just wanted me to be gone with little thought as to the logistics of that/effect on me. And then he changed his mind again and wanted me to stay.

One thing to come out of this: he acknowledged he is being abusive. Also, he acknowledged my call for some fairness and ground rules. This is my home, too. I said if one of us messes up and feels they need time alone to sort themselves out, THAT person should leave. He has money, family, friends, and resources here. I told him it is ridiculous for him to cast me out like a stray dog every time HE messes up. If we do decide to break up, this is not the way to do it. If he needs time alone, this is also not the way to do it. I am not a prop. I live here, I've contributed massively to this household and property maintenance. I work from a home studio here, when I am not working for him/breaking down. I don't have a double life, like him. This is my life, where, for better or worse, I have put all of my energy and resources. (I don't think I ever want to give so much of myself to another ever again.) I basically said I will not be punished for his mistakes. If I have to leave, I deserve a little time to get on my feet and make that transition properly. Ditto if he needs alone time to get his head straight/wants space. He is free to take a break from us and stay with family/friends/a rental/camp somewhere/take a trip...Whatever--if he needs a break from his life, take it, basically--don't cast me out of my life. At the very least, to keep punishing me for his problems seems unfair, and I do not think it is helping him build character. That is no kind of way to treat anyone.

He is in the process of getting help for abuse and various issues blocking his recovery. We have both called several hotlines, and I do think I need to try to find a women's group, Al Anon group that takes sex addicts' partners, or some form of community/support. That was the impression of the folks I spoke to: that I need support. I can't argue with that.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Fri Jul 31, 2015 6:13 am 
Offline
Partner's Mentor

Joined: Sun Sep 14, 2014 1:34 pm
Posts: 649
Lava Lamb - I do agree you need support. I am quite concerned about you. I care about you.

I think you need more support than RN can provide. I am not advising you to leave RN. I want you to ADD support resources.

As others have said, I think it is critical that you focus on yourself and detach from your partner. I will be blunt: I think it is in your best interest to work hard on detaching and getting support right now.

Since I care about you, I would advise you to post to the partner's forum, not with "both sides". This is about you. This is not about your partner.

Stop intervening. Stop posting on behalf of your partner. There is NOTHING you can do to help him recover.

Please continue to seek support resources where you are. Please do not do so with your partner. Do so on your own. My individual therapist has literally been a life saver for me. She is focused on me and me alone. I need this. I benefit from this.

It is natural for us to want to turn to our partner's for support. That's what we wanted out of our relationships. One of the first things a coach told me here on RN was that she had to come to realize her partner was harmful to her well being. I needed to realize that as well and it is a devastating realization. I kept coming back for support from him, and what a damaging mistake to me. He can not and would not give it to me.

Lava Lamb, addicts are very, very selfish and have little to no empathy. They do not care about our feelings, or if they do so they mean so little in comparison to their need for their addictive behaviors. We are objects to them. When I finally got his, and oh how painful it is to get this, it freed me to focus on myself. Only you can save you. You are worth it. You can do this. All the strength and support and compassion you give to your partner....please give it to yourself.

I care about you and your future. I want you to be safe, to be happy, to find peace and joy. I know that it is in your future, as it is in mine, if we both focus on our well being. Please keep posting here on the partner's forum and let us know how you are doing.

With compassion,
dnell


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Fri Jul 31, 2015 8:18 am 
Offline

Joined: Mon Jul 13, 2015 12:43 pm
Posts: 83
Lava Lamb,

Lava Lamb wrote:
rages, breaking things, physically hurting himself and sometimes stopping just shy of hurting me (he's grabbed me and shaken me) ...He scares me, himself, and our pets.


It is NEVER ok, regardless of reason, for a man to put his hands on a woman. You desperately need the support you get here and although he needs support as well, he doesn't need to get it from you. You should also never tolerate on any level for any reason a man hurting you, manhandling you, grabbing you or shaking you.

It's not judgment, it's concern, I'm worried about your safety, nothing else matters right now but that.
I understand it's a difficult situation based on your employment and living conditions but the most important thing right now is your personal safety. Priority number one is you being safe, you being ok, AA, S-Anon, the police, any of these people can provide you with assistance to get someplace safe.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sun Aug 02, 2015 8:44 am 
Offline

Joined: Sun Apr 12, 2015 8:46 am
Posts: 40
dnell and hadenuff,
Thank you both for your replies.

handenuff, I agree:
Quote:
It is NEVER ok, regardless of reason, for a man to put his hands on a woman. You desperately need the support you get here and although he needs support as well, he doesn't need to get it from you.


I will chase up more support resources this coming week. I live rurally, so it is a slight challenge, but they are here, I just need to hunt them down.

...and dnell, your entire post resonates with me. I can't argue with any of that--it's what I've been realizing and coming to feel.
Quote:
Only you can save you. You are worth it. You can do this. All the strength and support and compassion you give to your partner....please give it to yourself.

-thank you so much for this. This is what I've realized this week--where would my life be right now if I gave myself even a fraction of the love and support, energy and mental focus I've given him? I realized I MISS ME.

Quote:
I kept coming back for support from him, and what a damaging mistake to me. He can not and would not give it to me.
I am guilty of this. I can't quite seem to fully accept that painful truth, and it never ends well:
Quote:
addicts are very, very selfish and have little to no empathy. They do not care about our feelings, or if they do so they mean so little in comparison to their need for their addictive behaviors. We are objects to them.
I am going to have to sit with this one and really force myself to let it sink in.

I too wish you health and happiness.

LL


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sun Aug 02, 2015 1:53 pm 
Offline
Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Jun 13, 2013 11:56 am
Posts: 849
Location: Sweden
Hi Lavalamb

Take care of yourself. I agree with what most other here have said in one way or another: your partner might be sincere or not about his recovery but you have to consider the very likely possibility that he does not posses the emotional maturity that you think he does or thought he did. THere might be this or that reason for his acting the way he does, in the end they are meaningless if you do not protect yourself first and foremost.

Your understanding of how addiciton works and how people under the influence of addiction will grow and you will gradually understand more about what makes your partner tick. My advice to you is to have faith in that process and in the meantime make sure you are safe and you are doing ok and that your well being is not at risk.

:g:


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Fri Aug 14, 2015 1:51 pm 
Offline

Joined: Mon Jul 13, 2015 12:43 pm
Posts: 83
Lava Lamb,

I just wanted to let you know I've been thinking about your post and your situation, I come back often to check and see if you've checked back in. I hope you know, positive or negative, there's no concern about what you chose but only your safety. If you get a chance please let us know you're doing ok.


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 26 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

All times are UTC - 5 hours


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
cron
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group