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PostPosted: Fri Nov 20, 2015 5:59 am 
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Joined: Tue Oct 06, 2015 9:47 am
Posts: 20
Hi,

I've read some of the information here about moving on and getting on with your own life to recover and no longer worrying continually about details of your partners acting out.

I've also read that all that is important is to know if your partner is on a healthy recovery or not and signs to look out for with this.

Is there a link to somewhere to read more about healthy recovering of a sexual addict and the signs they are on a healthy recovery?

Continually hearing that you have to go with your gut reactions and objective signs that they are in a healthy recovery. My husband goes to SAA once a week when possible and we go for couple therapy. He's looking for a private therapist too but sadly the costs have been completely out of our price range on top of our couple therapy.

Would like to read more about healthy signs of recovery as I still very lost and obviously unsure of what is true and not true.

Thanks


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PostPosted: Fri Nov 20, 2015 8:44 am 
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Partner's Mentor

Joined: Sun Sep 14, 2014 1:34 pm
Posts: 661
La Fleure - If you look at the sections in the Partner's Workshop, there is one on "assessing your partner's sincerity." That will help provide some objective information. But, I found that going through each lesson in the workshop in order gave me a very good foundation for understanding my husband's addiction and what to look for in recovery. Really, it was the whole workshop that helped me.

I really needed to tolerate my fear and anxiety post D-day. I needed to give myself the gift of time and to be gentle with myself. What I REALLY needed to do was to focus on myself to regain a sense of control over my life and some emotional equilibrium. Then I needed to get back to understanding who I was, what I valued, what I wanted out of my life. I needed to get a vision (which changes---at first my vision was for getting through the day, the next hour, the week). All of this took a while, but the workshop really helped me. The forum helped as well. I heard this over and over, but it was really an invaluable truth: I needed to focus on myself. I needed to detach from my husband's addiction and recovery. Yes, I need to have an understanding, an awareness, of the sincerity of my husband. I have come to accept that my "gut" is right nearly all the time. I'm actually okay with that. Is this what I wanted out of life and a marriage? No, of course not. Is that what I want for the rest of my life? I don't know yet.

I know, really know, how much I wanted to have some certainty and control over my life post discovery. I can feel the anxiety and urgency now, even though I have been at this for a year or two (multiple D-days in my case). I am much, much less anxious now than a year ago. I don't have all the answers. I don't know what will happen. I am okay with that.

So, do something nice for yourself today. Try, for just a few minutes, to focus on yourself and making yourself feel good independent of your partner. I know how hard this is. But, we can heal....we need to heal. We can do it.

dnell


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