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PostPosted: Wed Jul 27, 2016 9:57 am 
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Joined: Tue Jul 26, 2016 8:55 am
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My husband at one point of confession told me he often fantasized about my younger sister. I am holding a BBQ for my mom's bday this week and she has decided to come. It will be a hot day and she is known to dress provocatively. And He has in the past flirt with her (she flirts back) and spent most of his time with her bragging on her and complimenting her in front of me. I have just recently found out my husband has been relapsing and lying again and the prospect of having to host a BBQ while watching him and her flirt has left me with a knot in my stomach and fear in my heart. I considered canceling the BBQ but want to honor my mom's b-day. So would it be unreasonable to ask him to find something else to do?


Last edited by WhatisRealAnymore on Thu Jul 28, 2016 10:00 am, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Valid Request?
PostPosted: Wed Jul 27, 2016 11:26 am 
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Joined: Sun Sep 14, 2014 1:34 pm
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WhatIsRealAnymore - Of course it is reasonable to ask him to be somewhere else. Your emotional safety is important.

If it were me, I'd calmly say "given our past and our situation, I want my Mom's birthday celebration to go well, and I will be less stressed if you don't attend." But, have a backup plan ready for yourself in case he doesn't agree with your boundary. For example, could you go to a restaurant as a family.\

dnell


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 Post subject: Re: Valid Request?
PostPosted: Thu Jul 28, 2016 9:59 am 
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Joined: Tue Jul 26, 2016 8:55 am
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He at first said he would not be here. He has since said that he now has to work on Sat. and needs to go to bed early so he needs to be at home. I asked my family if we could do it elsewhere but my mom said its easier on her if we just do it here. I feel stuck. Now I have to sit and endure it. He says he will stay upstairs, but then I have to face family questioning. He says he won't be apart of it, but I don't trust that he wont make excuses to come down "just for a minute" or sneak peaks at his fantasy out the window. This will leave me on edge and unable to enjoy any of it, and I am already sitting here with a pounding heart and wasn't able to sleep because I was having nightmares. What makes me angry is he has been able to stay up all night for work recently, and now he can't miss a few hours of sleep so I can stay sane. I have no idea what to do. I want to lie and say that I am sick and cancel it, but feel that i would then be tramping on my value of honesty. And i cant possibly be honest with my family because it would hurt my sister, and i don't think they could ever forgive him, even if we are to mend things.
oh and he is missing his first SA meeting because of working Sat. also.


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