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PostPosted: Sat May 06, 2017 9:25 pm 
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Joined: Tue May 02, 2017 8:53 am
Posts: 21
I'd love some insight on this. I was having a discussion with my partner tonight - he is post discovery, pre treatment. the discussion turned to what kind of relationship we both would like. For me it is monogamous. For him he said he'd like a monogamous relationship but would like more adventure in our sex life. I asked for details and he threw out 'outside', 'in a car' as examples. Fine. One question/concern is - how meaningful is this he is already thinking of the things he'd like when the hurt of all of this is so raw to me ? I feel hurt by this - am I overreacting ?


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 12, 2017 3:26 pm 
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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2016 12:26 pm
Posts: 17
That's hard, and I can hear your confusion and hurt. We are 8 months post and he's been in active recovery. It was 6 months before I could even look at that future. i remember how I'm learning about how immature their emotions are, even when treatment has begun. If y'all are in couples counseling, that might be a safe place to bring it up. Personally, I do still hear selfishness.
Sammie


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 15, 2017 1:12 am 
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Joined: Sat Jan 28, 2017 5:11 pm
Posts: 21
MyTurn-
I was in a similar position- trying to work with a pre-recovered addict regarding our sexual relationship. As a result, I feel very strongly that you should NEVER engage in a sexual act that does not interest you, please you, or turn you on- just to please your partner- especially before he is in full recovery and you are certain that he is determined to stick to his recovery plan. I won't go into details, but I compromised my personal comfort levels, sexually, for a partner who told me what he "needed" and I'll never really get over the resentment I feel for doing sexual things with an addict who was still lying to me. Doing it "outside" is just fine when the trust is there, and it's mutual. Otherwise, it's manipulation and fantasy fulfillment at your expense. Addicts know how to manipulate. So, know what you like, set your boundaries, and you will be protecting yourself.


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