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PostPosted: Wed Jul 05, 2017 3:30 pm 

Joined: Sat Jan 28, 2017 5:11 pm
Posts: 21
It’s been almost three months since I told my husband I was done being lied to, and that I wanted out of the relationship (23 years together). He’d diligently completed 45 of the Recovery lessons, all while continuing to lie to me, act out, and gaslight- also while insisting we go to couples therapy where he continued to manipulate me by lying there, too. To top it off, he was seeing an addiction counselor, who he also lied to.

Now he’s moved out, and very sad. He’s “miserable” and “lonely” and all the other emotions that a person would feel. Except, continuing to work on his addiction problem doesn’t really seem to resonate with him at all.

In fact, he hasn’t posted any lessons or comments anywhere on Recovery Nation since he moved out.

I feel so angry and stupid that I put up with his unhealthy situation for so long, knowing now that not even losing the kids and me would be enough for him to take his addiction seriously.

I hope for his sake that he will someday wake up and begin to live authentically. In the meantime, I know for sure that I made the right choice.

I would like to share the following observation, which comes from stepping back a bit: If you think he’s only doing the recovery work to keep from losing you, then you might question how serious he really is about living clean. In my mind, doing the right thing when there’s nobody around is the meaning of integrity. Doing the right thing to show off for others is manipulative, by definition.

My heart goes out to all the partners out there who are in pain, and filled with uncertainty. Please know that you are doing your best, and even though there are no easy answers, you will find your path.

~The Stoic

PostPosted: Thu Sep 28, 2017 5:42 pm 

Joined: Sat Aug 26, 2017 5:16 am
Posts: 1
I seem your post, just signed up to this site. I do hope things are better for you and you are in a better place. Its hard for anyone who has not been through this terrible thing to imagine the damage it does both to the addict and family. Its a living nightmare.

its been a month since I separated from my husband. I still feel so sad but I know I should not as he never even tried recovery, he says he can cure himself ( so not only lying to me lying to himself) and he seemed quite happy to move out until the last day he got upset and text me to say he was sorry he could not talk as could not bear the pain, even had tears running down his face when he left. I am broken but know without recovery there is 100% no way of this addiction ever slowing let alone stopping. I have heard nothing since but have not contacted him...I still feel broken and keep thinking what happened to the wonderful man I married over 10 yrs ago BUT I also know it started before we were married so why do I keep hankering on after him I stupid, I must be as I know their is no future with an active addict.

I am so low at the moment and cant imagine life without out him BUT cant live with him. ...this is maddness!!!

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