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PostPosted: Tue Mar 12, 2019 5:56 am 

Joined: Fri Jun 17, 2016 1:39 am
Posts: 55
This is very true Blue, SA will always remain vulnerable to the addiction. (and it's not to say they will always remain addicts and can not recover)

Their recovery is a different path to our healing path;
in particular the timing is different. So sometimes we feel we have done good progress on our side, and we would like the relationship to progress the same way; but our partner is not at the same stage, he may face difficulties, and has to focus on himself and can not invest as much in the relationship. this is frustrating! it was bringing me a lot of anger to hear him saying he was struggling when I was feeling we were getting closer.
But it can also happen the other way: sometimes my partner wanted to do plans (like simple plan for the week-end activities for us); but at that time I was so much centred on my problems/healing; that I could not even consider talking about it, or listen to him.

My partner counsellor, that we saw together couple of times, used an interesting image to understand addiction recovery and relapse risks mechanism (any addiction. for my partner it is sex/love + alcohol):
the addiction is like a little monkey in the back of the head; wanting more and more sex/alcohol... By working on recovery the addicted person puts the little monkey to sleep in a cage, slowly. sometimes the monkey wakes up (urge) and the person shall keep him in the cage for getting it back to sleep. with time it gets easier, the monkey is asleep longer and longer. BUT the little monkey can always wake up! and if it wakes up and is taken out of the cage (relapse like acting out/drink alcohol), there are big chances (!) that the addiction comes back right away and at a severe stage from day one.
that's why AA advise to not drink alcohol at all.
For sex it might be more difficult to define boundaries, what is possible, and what can be risky. But the SA workshop should help on this.

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