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PostPosted: Wed Apr 20, 2016 8:03 am 
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Joined: Sun Apr 17, 2016 9:40 pm
Posts: 4
This is just the beginning. Here's to healing


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 20, 2016 8:12 am 
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Joined: Sun Apr 17, 2016 9:40 pm
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When I first read about the letter you are to write I got that bad ache in my belly, fearing of the unknown. What will be written on that paper that I don't know about.
Probably because I have no control.
But after thinking about it, I realized I need to stick with my thoughts from last week. I have given up on trying to force you to have a good moral compass. It didn't work for me all these years...and it's now in your hands and God's. I will simply pray for him to help you. To show you the tools to heal.
I realized this exercise is really for you to sit down and face the facts. Seeing it all written down will be an eye opener.
I know my letter to you was an AHA moment for both of us.
I hope your letter will have the same effect for you. :w:


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 20, 2016 8:42 am 
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Joined: Sun Apr 17, 2016 9:40 pm
Posts: 4
a. updated vision of the life I am leading:
I hope the truth will set me free. Enable me to trust more people. Generate more intimate friendships and relationships. To feel free to speak openly and honestly and not live in secrecy any longer. Share my story to help others. This will restore peace in my heart, to be a kinder, more gentle person. I want to feel God in my heart. I want to feel his sunshine and healing powers. To be reminded everyday what he has done for me. Given me the tools to survive.
I also want to be assertive in my boundaries.
Be a better mother.

b. expansion of my vision with partnership with you. I hope to help you heal, support you and experience true intimacy with you. I hope for us both to feel safe with each others feelings, to be gentler with each other. I think we will both be growing into 2 unique individuals, so I want us to appreciate each others differences instead of trying to get each other to conform to suit ourselves. YET, we need the same moral compass and similar foundations to continue. I hope we find new hobbies and passions to connect us. I hope we become better parents and lead by example. Even if we do not make it as a couple I hope we can walk away as friends and raise our children in a peaceful manner. I hope we can tear down our faulty foundations with a bull dozer and start from scratch. We both have work to do...and I hope this website has the tools we need to heal. I'm sure challenges will come up from time to time, probably in how we respond to each other in anger and defensiveness.
And also for you in terms of being able to cope with whatever life throws your way. I hope we can get rid of the anxiety of what may or may not come and instead focus on the fact that we will have the strength to deal with whatever happens.

c. likely obstacles
Miscommunication
Not hearing each other properly
Not focusing on the moment
Anger from past occurrences
insecurity
lack of empathy
carelessness of each others feelings
forgiveness
not removing me from certain situations
porn, masturbating, fantasies, wanting to flirt which leads to cheating, sexual hyperness
maybe alcohol? Not sure.
Stress

d. goals for the remainder of my life:
Pray often and consistently
Spend time outdoors, walks, sitting at park, relaxing on patio
spend time in hot tubs
exploring intimate friendships with no fear of being hurt.
forgiving you
Leaving the past in the past and focus on the present and future
Have a more intimate relationship with my children. Help them feel supported and loved. Knowing that they can come to me with anything and I will not freak out.
Exercise
Stop the eating disorder behavior
Discover hobbies and passions. Determine what makes me happy.

e. Goals for YOU
Pray often and consistently
Spend time outdoors as much as possible
Exercise
SLOOOWWW down. Thoughts, driving, errands, work.
Destroy your tornado mind once and for all.
Hop off the carosel
Meditate
Get closer to God.
Have a more intimate relationship with your children, help them feel safe and supported no matter how much they drive you nuts.
Work on a more intimate relationship with me.
Discover safe male friendships
Discover hobbies or things that make you feel good about you
Increase your self esteem.
Release the shame
Become more empathetic

f. 10 values
1. Honesty - to never deceive anybody.
2. Integrity - to mean what I say and not go back on it. To only do things that I can live with.
3. Tolerance of others - even if they are different than me and accept them as is.
4. Love - to express love and intimacy without fear through actions, not words.
5. Respect - to show respect to others and get it in return. This is something earned, not forced.
6. Open communication at all times. To not hold things in.
7. Career - to pursue my career goals but still maintain my family values.
8. Family - to keep a tight knit family that is there for each other
9. Empathy - to keep an open mind and show compassion
10. Forgiveness - to be able to forgive and move forward. Not let the past chain me down.


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 23, 2016 10:29 pm 
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Joined: Sun Apr 17, 2016 9:43 pm
Posts: 2
My Dearest Scorpio,
I am SO truly blessed to have you in my life and am SO thankful that God's plan for me included you. I feel it truly is a miracle that you are SO supportive in helping me/us heal. Seeing how you are dealing with everything in spite of what I have put you/us through, has strenghtened my faith about God. I see him in you when you look in my eyes. :+) I love you very much. I KNOW WE CAN SURVIVE THIS, AND HAVE A STRONGER MORE BEAUTIFUL HOME THAN EITHER ONE OF US COULD HAVE EVER IMAGINED!!!
Love,
Eaglescout
oxox


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 24, 2016 12:41 am 
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Joined: Sun Apr 17, 2016 9:43 pm
Posts: 2
Lesson 1 Letter Complete...3 days to go!
Thank you for your love and support.
Lesson 2 tomorrow...one day at a time, WE CAN DO THIS...TOGETHER.
:+)
I LOVE YOU!


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 27, 2016 12:18 pm 
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Joined: Sun Apr 17, 2016 9:40 pm
Posts: 4
Thank you for being honest about "half assing" the letter.
I hope you can complete it with full honesty this time. If you are too tired, then just tell me.
I'd rather you be honest than half ass anything. I don't want to force this program on you.
If you are not ready then I am ok with doing the individual therapies. I want what is best for us. Don't do this just for me...YOU need to heal too.


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