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PostPosted: Sat Oct 07, 2017 11:29 pm 

Joined: Thu Aug 31, 2017 10:52 am
Posts: 1
Hello, Shaman Speaking.
First, summer and I would like to thank all of you who make this site possible.
I've spent some time looking around trying to get a feel for how this is going to work. Although I'm still not totally sure, I didn't want to keep signing in and just reading other people's posts. So it's time to dive in and make some mistakes :)!
I would think that if anyone Is going to read this and offer help, some background would be a good idea.
I am the one in recovery! I suffered with a porn and masturbation addiction for 35 years or so. My first breakthrough was about 10 years ago (Summer and I have been together for 14).
Some self help books and 4 more years of denial yielded very little! Summer left!
A renewed commitment to solve this (even if it didn't bring her back), therapy and a pseudo self administered 12 step program (no groups anywhere near us) DID actually result in getting control of my acting out behavior. That was six years ago.
Unfortunately we fell into the trap of "things are so much better now" and lapsed on continuing the work! This left us incomplete! We still had major communication, intamacy and other issues. A lot of "escaping" into television and video games. I do have to say, mostly on my part.
I had turned from acting out to mostly acting in. I was afraid that too much intamacy would trigger that inner demon and that had to be avoided at all cost! And my mental state was only marginally better than before. I was, essentially, a "dry drunk".
Not to mention poor Summers remaining fears, distrust and conditioned responses.
She finally convinced me that we are still living a totally unfulfilled life and I finally agreed! We're a few months in now and I think she will agree that remarkable progress has been made... But we need help.
So here we are! I WILL NOT approach this work from a viewpoint of already having done half of it... Because I haven't! This is a new program (to us) and this is a new day!
I have written my letter and am planning exercise 2! The only thing either of us find potentially awkward is brushing her teeth!
But I'm definitely game!

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