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 Post subject: Please help
PostPosted: Fri Apr 18, 2014 3:42 am 
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Joined: Sun Apr 13, 2014 7:18 am
Posts: 3
I am an anorexic per the test I took at my counselors office just last week. He is an addict as well but on the other end of the spectrum. My question is this. Can I ever get healthy living with this addict? We have been together over 12 years. But his addiction actions and my childhood past with how I am now, seems like we will have to separate for a while in order to both heal. Please help :?


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 Post subject: Re: Please help
PostPosted: Wed Oct 01, 2014 3:33 pm 
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Joined: Wed Sep 03, 2014 2:31 pm
Posts: 7
Hi cookie crumbs. Both of you need to seek help. If the two of you manage to guide each other's issues and are able to take care of your own, it's possible though it may be too challenging. I'm married to a PA and it's ultimately difficult but I'm willing to help him get through this. 12 years is quite a long time. I hope the two of you could conquer this ordeal- together. All the best.


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 Post subject: Re: Please help
PostPosted: Tue Nov 18, 2014 7:13 am 
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Partner's Coach (Admin)

Joined: Fri Sep 14, 2007 3:07 pm
Posts: 5199
There is no one answer to your question. It is up to each individual to determine what they are capable of. It would be challenging, no doubt, but I would assert that many partners are also contending with their own personal behavioural compulsions. Some are lifelong, as yours, and some are learned as a result of prolonged relationship with an unhealthy partner. However, if recovery and healing are viewed as learning processes (and they are, in my empirically driven opinion) then it follows that those who have spent more time learning and practicing their unhealthy behaviours will have to put more effort into extinguishing those behaviours, and be more intentional in learning and practicing new healthy behaviours. When learning something new, with time and consistent practice, the new thing becomes more "automatic". That said, the old behaviours can never truly be unlearned, because with a just a little bit of practice (i.e. slip or relapse), the "savings" in memory kick in and it is much easier to re-learn the old behaviour. This is why any urge, slip, or relapse should not go unchallenged (by the individual experiencing it, mostly, but also by the partner--don't take excuses). The last part was tangential. The point is, if you want to learn something new, it will take practice, intention, consistency, and effort. Related to your question--if you don't feel you have it in you to do your work while in relationship with someone facing similarly challenging behaviour problems, and if his process will exacerbate your process, then you should take a break from the relationship to get healthy. But, this is not advisement to you, personally, as it is up to you to make that choice for yourself.

Be well.

_________________
Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. (Viktor E. Frankl)


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