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PostPosted: Sat Mar 23, 2019 12:52 am 
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Joined: Tue Mar 19, 2019 1:30 am
Posts: 6
This is the very start


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 23, 2019 6:51 pm 
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Joined: Tue Mar 19, 2019 1:30 am
Posts: 6
1)I’m actively committed I need a healthy life and to function as an adult but I’m worried my commitment will wane but I want this for me.
2)this is a spot I have some concerns as I usually let the influence of shame pull me down and stop whatever I’m doing and go back to old ways. That’s said I can clearly see that now and will fight.
3)here I want it now I don’t want to wait for change it’s hard to look in the mirror and see the person I am at this point but i also know in allowing myself time I have a better chance.


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 23, 2019 6:53 pm 
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Joined: Tue Mar 19, 2019 1:30 am
Posts: 6
I want to have power over what happened to me as a child
I want to love my wife from a place of respect and honor
I want to be an awesome dad to my son
I want to have a strong relationship with Jehovah
I want a clear conscience
I want to look ahead to the future with hope
I want to have a healthy life free of addiction
I want my son to grow up in a happy healthy home
I want to stop being lying
I want to have an open honest transparent relationship with my wife
I want to be forthcoming
I want to be happy
I want to stop manipulating the ones closest to me
I want to be mentally capable of dealing with life as it comes at me
I want to honorable
I want to be a man of integrity
I want to be free of the shame
I want a happy family life


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 23, 2019 6:54 pm 
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Joined: Tue Mar 19, 2019 1:30 am
Posts: 6
The child I’m looking at is so foreign to me. He looks so happy and full of life. As I think about where my life has gone since then I see this life deteriorating and twisting and falling to what it has become now. I love this little boy and I cry for what he will face in his life. I don’t remember being this little boy he’s gone from me taken long ago by the trauma I suffered. I’m so angry for what I’ve gone through but more angry for what I’ve put those closest to me through and are still suffering because of what I became. Feeling alone became such a big part of my life it began to feel normal like I deserved and needed to be alone. With people became hard and traumatic at times even. It felt like a relentless march to a terrible end with no hope.


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 28, 2019 2:27 pm 
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Joined: Tue Mar 19, 2019 1:30 am
Posts: 6
God must be first, developing a deep personal love and friendship with him, putting his will first in my life. To learn and listen to him to be able to be a humble servant and develop as a competent spiritual head. My love motivating me to serve you willingly and fully.

My beautiful wife, to devote myself to knowing her the the unfathomable depths of her being. To develop a friendship built on trust,honor and respect. To have emotional intimacy and vulnerability with full honesty and full disclosure. To developphysical intimacy based on trust and vulnerability as well as selflessness and love with depth. To be completely unselfish with her. To protect and provide for her so she can feel safe and secure. To provide the space for her to be fully self expressed. To create an environment where she can pursue goals and endeavors important to her and be fully supported and encouraged.

My son I will love and protect him. Teach him about God and train him to trust in God and what he supplies. To be a safe space for him to express himself with out restraint. To encourage him to pursue goals knowing he has my support. To show and have confidence in his abilities.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 05, 2019 6:13 pm 
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Joined: Tue Mar 19, 2019 1:30 am
Posts: 6
Accepting responsibility for my life
Communicating my feelings
Love for god
Giving god first place in my life
Friendship with god
Studying the Bible everyday
Putting service to god first
Love
Communication
Prayer
Friendship
Family
Fatherhood
Intimacy
Connection
Integrity
Working on open honest communication with my wife
Talking openly with god everyday
Working towards being a safe space for my son to share
Being a space for my wife to share
Working towards close real friendships
Spirituality
Work
Being present
Listening
Making sure I have enough work to provide for my family
Self respect
Vulnerability
Being vulnerable and open with my wife at all times
Developing a depth of intimacy with my wife in our relationship
Strengthening my relationship with my wife
Creativity
Devote at least one hour each week to hobbies
Changing negative self talk to positive
Boldness
Persistence
Confidence
Empathy
Compassion
Developing empathy for my wife
Belonging
Decisiveness
Respect
Happiness
Happy family
Family
Self control
Support
Self expression
Self confidence
Humility
Honesty
Calmness
Depth
Training
Teaching
Teaching my son what he needs for life
Competency
Devotion
To be fully devoted to my wife
Commitment
To be all in
Adventure
Affection
Showing my wife affection everyday
Appreciation
Balance
Confidence
Courage
Decency
Dedication
Dependability
Discernment
Emotional maturity
Expressiveness
Focus
Frankness
Friendship
Fun
Initiative
Intimacy
Insightfullness
Kindness
Knowledge
Loyalty
Marriage
Meekness
Modesty
Obedience
Partnership
Persistence
Connected to my feelings
Feeling empowered
Being responsible
Humility
Presence
Problem solving
Progress
Protection
Refinement
Reflection
Reliability
Respect
Sacrifice
Self control
Self esteem
Selflessness
Self respect
Serenity
Simplicity
Spirituality
Thankfulness
Thoughtfulness
Transformation
Truth
Truthfulness
Virtue
Warmth
Wisdom
Worthiness
Patience
Depth of love for my wife
Depth of love for my son
Depth of love for god
Building my faith
DARKSIDE
Selfishness
Sexuality
Manipulation
Brazenness
Pride
Lying
Deception
Freedom
Sex
Feeling good
Doing what I want
Looking good
Fulfilling my needs
Getting what I wanted


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PostPosted: Sun May 12, 2019 6:56 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3793
Location: UK
Hello Lemon
welcome to RN
Please be aware that this your initial posts are in the wrong place
I suggest that if you are serious and committed to recovery and being here then you copy and paste into the recovery forum then get on with the lessons posting via the reply key thus keeping the record of your journey as one thread

If not serious and committed then all of the best and hoping that you do have a re think :pe:

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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