Recovery Nation

Personal Development Forum
It is currently Mon Sep 16, 2019 9:49 am

All times are UTC - 5 hours




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 154 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 11  Next
Author Message
 Post subject: on the road thread
PostPosted: Sun May 15, 2011 10:13 am 
Offline

Joined: Fri May 13, 2011 12:58 pm
Posts: 168
Lesson 1

a)
1. I am totally committed as I want to get my life back on track.
2. I do feel some shame for the actions I have, but feel that it's time go get past that and look forward to a healthy future.
3. I would like to change as soon as possible, but understand that I need to be patient.

b)
1. I would like to increase my self esteem.
2. I would like to be a more open person.
3. I would like to focus more on the important things in life.
4. I would like to feel the respect of people near me.
5. I would like not to worry about my urges.
6. I would like to feel more at peace.
7. I would like to be better at meeting new people and making new friends.
8.I would like a better relationship with my family.
9. I would like to develop a better relationship towards sex.
10. I would like a better and more open relationship with my girlfriend based on mutual respect.
11. I would like not worry all the time what people think about me.
12. I would like to be more organised and managed my life better.

C) As I don't really have a picture of me, I can only imagine myself as as small child. I was really opened and shared all my feelings at the time. I discovered mastrubation and pornography at an early age. As I started using it more, it think I stared getting more and more closed off. I had a really tough time meeting new people and speaking to them, especially girls. At some time I decided it was time I get better and actually limited it a lot. My self esteem improved and I got better at meeting people, girls to. But after a couple of years I kinda let go and it got worse again. I'm trying to get better for a year or so but I had various slipbacks.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: on the road thread
PostPosted: Thu May 19, 2011 12:45 pm 
Offline

Joined: Fri May 13, 2011 12:58 pm
Posts: 168
Lesson 2

I will grow spiritually and look for achieving daily peace with myself by taking the time to meditate (at least for a couple of minutes) and reflect on my current emotions as often as I can (I will do this at least at the times I am feeling boredom and would usually just go looking at something meaningless on tv or internet). I will become a better friend, family member and neighbor by contributing as much as I can, not looking for instant gratification such as praise in return. I will learn new things in my profession, by constantly keeping up with developments in the industry and taking time to get familiar with the areas I have not mastered when the pressures of current projects are not too great. I will maintain my health, psychological by being in touch with my emotions and resolving issues when they happen and not postponing them, physical, by exercising frequently and eating healthy. I will be a better son, grandson and family member by helping when I can and doing at least something nice for the loved ones on the holidays. I will be a better partner to my girlfriend by being there for her when she is feeling down and work on resolving the issues and trying to lift the mood when we quarrel. I see our relationship ever evolving as we come closer and closer together, being able to share our most intimate emotions, thoughts and wishes. Eventually I see myself as having a family and being a good father that will be there for his children as they grow, a father who will teach and play with his children and enjoy their company. I will not make promises I can not keep and will make sure I keep the ones I do.


Last edited by onTheRoad on Thu May 19, 2011 4:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: on the road thread
PostPosted: Thu May 19, 2011 3:11 pm 
Offline
Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3798
Location: UK
Hi Ontheroad
And welcome
I am sure that you are on the programme for the right reasons, it is imperative that you are doing this for yourself and that responsibility for this commitment is yours and yours alone

If this is the case then all you need to do is work hard at fully understanding and then implementing those lessons into your everyday life, then you have every chance of making a lifestyle change and that is recovery

Remember it is not a race and that the road is long but you are not alone, however the onus is on you to make progress, I suggest that you try to make the lessons part of your daily routine , part of your life
I have reviewed your life’s vision and wish to give you a little feedback,

Establishing a healthy vision for one's life is the single most important tool a person can develop in their recovery. That single vision--when backed by clarity--is capable of serving as both the beacon for change and, a means of contrasting what is healthy and what is a threat.
Your lifes vision will play a big part in your progress towards recovery
Your vision needs to replace whatever you got from the addiction with good healthy satisfaction

Your vision is well rounded and covers a lot of the spectrum albeit it could be a little idealistic and altruistic, maybe consider some shorter term practical targets ,
I would change the “I see my self,,,,,,,,” to “I will be ,,,,,,,” I know its just words but its much more positive
I would also examine how you are going to do these things, be specific, as I said set yourself targets that you can measure

It is however your vision so the call is yours
Looking forwards to your further posts, it is worth the effort
A good start long may it continue

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: on the road thread
PostPosted: Thu May 19, 2011 4:25 pm 
Offline

Joined: Fri May 13, 2011 12:58 pm
Posts: 168
Hi,

thanks for the welcome and comment, the vision really wasn't focused and idealistic so I edited it a bit.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: on the road thread
PostPosted: Thu May 19, 2011 5:25 pm 
Offline
Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3798
Location: UK
:g:

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: on the road thread
PostPosted: Fri May 20, 2011 7:51 am 
Offline

Joined: Fri May 13, 2011 12:58 pm
Posts: 168
Lesson 3

1. I will frequently examine where I am in my life and compare to where I want to be
2. I will look for new challenges in the areas that interest me
3. I will focus more time on understanding my emotions and share them better, instead of bottling the up
4. I will think about my actions and their consequences on my life on those of others
5. I will not move to other project before finishing existing
6. I will spend my free time actively, such as going outside, playing sports, learning new things
7. I will try to remain calm when facing stressful situations
8. I will constantly examine my actions
9. I will constantly where I could improve my life
10. I will spend more time with friends I am loosing touch with
11. I will not be focusing on instant gratification but log term goals when making decisions
12. I will strive for quality in my work
13. I will become a better son
14. I will become a better co-worker
15. I will actively contribute in group efforts
16. I will be modest
17. I will not look for praise when helping
18. Focusing on what I can do for others, instead of what others can do for me
19. I will be looking for new areas that might interest me
20. When I find something of interest I will learn more about it
21. I will keep in touch with developments in the industry by reading the news
22. I will seek out new professional challenges
23. I will learn and master the areas I find interesting
24. When I start something I will make sure I finish it
25. I will get on with my work even if not facing deadlines
26. When I do something I will do it well
27. I will focus more on my health
28. I will get fit and make sure I stay fit
30. I will eat healthy, more vegetables, less meat and sugar
31. I will work out, preferably on a daily basis
32. I will be starting new exiting sports and doing the ones I already like
32. I will wake up earlier in the morning, even when I whey wouldn't have to
33. I will deal with adversities as they happen
34. I will resolve my difficulties and not wait and see if they go away
35. I will be nice to family members
36. I will remember to be nice on holidays and get nice gifts
37. I will help my family members, and offer to help event if they don't as for it
38. I will do nice things for my partner
39. I will handle quarrels by keeping calm instead of loosing nerves
40. I will set up romantic situations
41. I will ask my partner to share her feelings
42. I will share my emotions, thoughts and wishes with my partner
43. I will be more generally fun to be with in company
44. I will improve my self esteem
45. I will try to make new friends and be more interested in the new people I meet
46. I will be more talkative
47. I will keep my promises
48. I will not make unrealistic promises
49. I will achieve integrity
50. I will be more active when in company, entertaining and not being entertained
51. I will strive to be happy, by myself and with my partner
52. When in a fight I will be the better person and step down
53. I will not be starting fights
54. I will be an outstanding lover
55. I will have an adventures sexual life


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: on the road thread
PostPosted: Sat May 21, 2011 7:08 pm 
Offline

Joined: Fri May 13, 2011 12:58 pm
Posts: 168
Lesson 4:

1. I will improve my self esteem
2. I will strive to be happy, by myself and with my partner
3. I will try to remain calm when facing stressful situations
4. When I start something I will make sure I finish it
5. I will handle quarrels by keeping calm instead of loosing nerves
6. I will get fit and make sure I stay fit
7. I will share my emotions, thoughts and wishes with my partner
8. I will be an outstanding lover
9. I will focus more time on understanding my emotions and share them better, instead of bottling the up
10. I will spend more time with friends I am loosing touch with
11. I will learn and master the areas I find interesting
12. I will help my family members, and offer to help event if they don't as for it
13. I will resolve my difficulties and not wait and see if they go away
14. I will have an adventures sexual life
15. I will ask my partner to share her feelings
16. I will try to make new friends and be more interested in the new people I meet
17. I will be looking for new areas that might interest me
18. I will frequently examine where I am in my life and compare to where I want to be
19. I will keep my promises
20. I will become a better son
21. I will seek out new professional challenges
22. I will be more generally fun to be with in company
23. I will be starting new exiting sports and doing the ones I already like
24. I will wake up earlier in the morning, even when I whey wouldn't have to
25. I will be more talkative
26. I will be modest
27. When I do something I will do it well
28. I will work out, preferably on a daily basis
29. I will spend my free time actively, such as going outside, playing sports, learning new things
30. When I find something of interest I will learn more about it
31. I will achieve integrity
32. I will actively contribute in group efforts
33. I will set up romantic situations
34. I will be more active when in company, entertaining and not being entertained
35. I will constantly examine where I could improve my life
36. I will be nice to family members
37. I will not make unrealistic promises
38. I will look for new challenges in the areas that interest me
39. I will focus more on my health
40. I will think about my actions and their consequences on my life on those of others
41. I will do nice things for my partner
42. I will not move to other project before finishing existing
43. I will keep in touch with developments in the industry by reading the news
44. I will get on with my work even if not facing deadlines
45. I will constantly examine my actions
46. I will strive for quality in my work
47. I will not look for praise when helping
48. I will not be focusing on instant gratification but log term goals when making decisions
49. Focusing on what I can do for others, instead of what others can do for me
50. I will become a better co-worker
51. I will eat healthy, more vegetables, less meat and sugar
52. I will remember to be nice on holidays and get nice gifts
53. When in a fight I will be the better person and step down
54. I will not be starting fights


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: on the road thread
PostPosted: Sun May 22, 2011 7:50 am 
Offline

Joined: Fri May 13, 2011 12:58 pm
Posts: 168
Lesson 5:

1. I will improve my self esteem
2. I will strive to be happy, by myself and with my partner
3. I will try to remain calm when facing stressful situations
4. When I start something I will make sure I finish it
5. I will handle quarrels by keeping calm instead of loosing nerves
6. I will get fit and make sure I stay fit
7. I will strengthen my relationship with my partner
8. I will be an outstanding lover
9. I will spend my free time actively, such as going outside, playing sports, learning new things
10. I will spend more time with friends I am loosing touch with
11. I will learn and master the areas I find interesting
12. I will help my family members, and offer to help event if they don't as for it
13. I will resolve my difficulties and not wait and see if they go away
14. I will have an adventures sexual life
15. I will wake up earlier in the morning, even when I when won't have to


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: on the road thread
PostPosted: Sun May 22, 2011 8:33 am 
Offline

Joined: Fri May 13, 2011 12:58 pm
Posts: 168
Lesson 6:

Proactive plans

I will get fit and make sure I stay fit
-I will not eat a lot of sugar, or other ch
-I will not eat int the evening or at night
-I will eat more vegetables
-I will eat a healthy breakfast
-I look at my body and compare it to what it should be
-I will spend more time not wearing a shirt to remind me to get or stay fit
-I will focus more on doing sports I like
-When I will not find time for sports I will work out
-I will develop a daily routine of exercise
-I will get myself tired during the day

I will be an outstanding lover
-I will focus more on making love than sex
-I will prepare a romantic setting for making love
-I will be focusing more on spiritual connection with my partner when making love
-I will focus more time on foreplay and afterplay
-I will take things slowly
-I will focus more on her pleasure
-I will spend more time holding and kissing her
-I will communicate my desires more
-I will be more interested in her desires an fantasies
-I will fulfill her fantasies
-I will massage her
-I will share my feelings of love more
-I will not put pressure on her to make love
-I will initiate communication of our love life

I will wake up earlier in the morning, even when I when won't have to
-I will go to sleep earlier
-I will set up an alarm clock
-When I wake up in the morning to go to the toilet I will stay up instead of going back to sleep
-When I wake up I will get a shower immediately to wake me up completely
-I will remind myself of all the time I am loosing when sleeping in the morning
-I will not sleep during the day, so I won't stay up so late in the evening


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: on the road thread
PostPosted: Mon May 23, 2011 7:33 am 
Offline

Joined: Fri May 13, 2011 12:58 pm
Posts: 168
Proactive plans

I will strengthen my relationship with my partner
-I will be completely honest in my communication with my partner
-I will initiate meaningful conversation with my partner
-I will be attentive to my partners needs
-I will be attentive to my partners emotions
-I will share my emotions with my partner
-I will ask her how her day is going
-I will offer non-sexual attention to her
-I will look to help her during the day
-I will to help her achieve greater self esteem
-I will be totally calm around her
-I will make her laugh at least once a day

I will spend my free time actively, such as going outside, playing sports, learning new things
-I will make a list of the things I want to learn or get better at, prioritizing it
-When feeling boredom I will check the list and go do something that I will feel like doing, if nothing feels appealing I will go do the most prioritized thing
-I will call friends and ask them if they want do some sports
-I will go on a walk with my girlfriend or go cycling
-If there's nothing to do I will work out

When I start something I will make sure I finish it
-When starting something I will list all the things that need to be done to finish it
-I will make a timetable of the things that need to be done
-When I start I will make sure I prepare all the things a need, materials and such
-I will not start working on things if I have other things to finish
-I will not start things if I see that they are going to take more time I have to spare
-I will put the timetable on the wall
-I will frequently check my progress

I will help my family members, and offer to help event if they don't as for it
-I will cook lunch for my parents
-I will help dad around the house and fixing stuff
-I will ask my grandparents if they need help and help them around
-I will go to the store and buy stuff for the family
-I will wash my parents car
-I will make a barbecue for my family
-I will cut the grass

I will learn and master the areas I find interesting
-I will make a list of all the things I want to learn
-I will prioritize the things on how much are they going to help me in my professional and personal life
-I will finish my college diploma
-I will practice to master the areas and not just check them out and forget about them
-I will make a list of all the things a have mastered, more or less
-I will update the list as I learn new things

I will spend more time with friends I am loosing touch with
-I will call my friends when I have free time
-I will spend time with friends more constructively, like starting projects together, not just party
-I will ask my friends how their lives are going
-I will do sports with my friends
-I will go on holidays with my friends
-I will invite my friends to lunch or barbecue
-I will get to know my girlfriends friends better

I will improve my self esteem
-I'll make sure I get fit
-I'll shave more often
-I'll wash my hair more often
-I'll get my hair cut more often
-I'll make sure I have enough sleep
-I'll talk more to strangers and people I am not acquainted with and initiate conversations with them
-I'll do more sports more socially and try to meet and talk to people while doing so

I will try to remain calm when facing stressful situations
-First of all I will make sure I have enough time to finish the task at hand( usually I get nervous when I am in a hurry)
-If I find myself getting nervous, I'll take a break for a couple of minutes ( hard if you are in a hurry)
-I'll prepare myself better before entering situations that I could find stressful

I will handle quarrels by keeping calm instead of loosing nerves
-If I find myself in a quarrel, I'll first get away for a couple of minutes, think about it and come back when I calm down
-When calming down, I will write down the things I need to say or discuss
-When I fully calm down, I will read the stuff I want to say and check if this is still how I feel
-I will make sure the person I am arguing with has also calmed down before continuing
-If I find the person has not calmed down, I'll go and make tea or samthing

I will have an adventures sexual life
-I will not pursue sexual experimentation before the relationship with my partner has strengthen sufficiently
-I will look on sex as an opportunity to share emotions, I will tell her how much she means to me
-I will look to connect more emotionally with my partner as our relationship evolves
-I will communicate my desires and expectations about sex with my partner
-I will ask my partner to share her thoughts, desires and expectations of our sex life
-I will pursue sexual experimentation based on how connected we become in our relationship


Last edited by onTheRoad on Mon May 30, 2011 3:36 pm, edited 3 times in total.

Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: on the road thread
PostPosted: Wed May 25, 2011 2:29 pm 
Offline

Joined: Fri May 13, 2011 12:58 pm
Posts: 168
Lesson 10

Sexual items stashed
-About 10 VHS porn tapes in the attic
-2 porn dvds in the attic
-2 porn magazines in the attic
-1 sex toy in the attic
-3 or more porn cds somewhere in the pile of cds and dvds on my desk

People I used for compulsive sexual acts
-First two girlfriends: Used them for sex, didn't really care about them
-A girl from the neighborhood: Had sex with her once while we were drunk, didn't really speak to her for a couple of years afterwards
-All of my girlfriends including current: Objectified her during sex, not shared my feelings and true intimacy during sex
-previous girfried: touched and took pictures of her while she was drunk, while I mastrubated. I didn.t tell her about it.

Places I used for compulsive sexual acts
-Internet: Surf for, downloaded porn
-My room: masturbation
- car: sex, masturbation


Last edited by onTheRoad on Tue Jun 21, 2011 12:42 pm, edited 3 times in total.

Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: on the road thread
PostPosted: Thu May 26, 2011 5:12 pm 
Offline

Joined: Fri May 13, 2011 12:58 pm
Posts: 168
Lesson 12

Although I would love to put myself in the group 3 of individuals who are totaly sincere in their recovery a must admit that prior to starting the exercises I have struggled with relapse. I have tried to recover for about a year, but was not really sincere about my recovery nor have I joined any programs or othervise tried to actively recover. I belive that in starting the program I have sincerly found the desire and motivation to recover and change my life. In my relapse patterns I must say i have expirienced patterns from group 4, of the individuals who are struggling with relapse. I must say that the initial motivation of recovery did come from the desire to save my relationship, gradualy though by understanding my situation better I do desire that the goal of my recovery to be that of better managing my life no matter how my relationship turns out. I belive I have tried to minimize my behavior or the instances of acting out by offering exuses or othervise tried to lessen the impact. I have prepared my enviroment for acting out by acting out at times I belived I will not get caught. I have belived that I am generally damaged as a person and will not be able to recover therefore pursued to achive the appearance of change instead of actual change. I have attempted to prove my sincerity by voicing dreams and making promises.
These were definetly the behivours I expirencied in the first few moths of attempting recovery. Later I did expiriece a stronger desire to change but have also continued to occaisonaly struggled with relapse. In this sense I have expirienced trying to focus on other areas in my life as work and generaly tried to keep myself busy so would not act out. I have feared relapse triggers, so I wouldn't act out. I have mostly just tried to control my past compulsive behavior and did nothing to learn how to manage my life. I have seen my life in episodes, probabily for most of my life, I generaly distingueshed my episodes to those when my life was great and those my life not as good. I have measured my success by mesuring the lenght of abstinence. And I have expirienced extreme emotions to acting out, mostly guilt and shame.
I would like to think that I am on a better path to recovery, as I am more commited as I ever was, but I do recognise the behavours of group 4 I have expirience and realise that I would have always struggled with some form of relapse if I countinued on the path I was. Definetly need to focus more on these behavours in order to learn to succesfully manage my life.

Update:
At the time I was writing this, I still wasn't prepared to be completely honest. I was honest at some things but I was still hiding bits here and there and I was trying to bend the thought and wasn't to completely take responsibility for the things I've done . I know that by doing this I was not ready to let go of my dual identity completely. I haven't struggled or experienced a relapse since than, but have acted against my values and put my recovery in jeopardy. I was trying to make my recovery look better than it was. I did learn a lot and have applied a lot of it as I believe I am really better at understanding and controlling my behavior. Not only that I have started thinking a lot differently now. I'm ready at being honest now and I feel so vulnerable now. I feel like everything I've done can completely destroy me at any moment, but I have to take that chance to recover.

As to where I am now, considering the fourth group I can say. I was feeling forced into recovery and trying to do so to appease others in the past. But I see now that I was on such a destructive path that I must change for myself. Acting out of any kind is not a option . I believe I can change and have changed a lot. I am still having some problems at times with trying to minimize my behavior at times, not that I want to do it but I still catch my self doing it at times, I understand it means not wanting to take full responsibility for the actions. I don't want to do it. I'm still having some problems with not feeling like a damaged person, and believing I can reach my lifetime goals despite all the things I've done. I don't feel like all of this is my fate it's a consequence of how I managed my life in the past. I don't fear relapse triggers. I feel that I can prove to myself I can overcome them. I don't want to prove anything, although it's hard not trying to prove I can be a good person to my SO and a person she can love. I just want to get over all the bullshit. I hate everything I've done, but I desire a normal life so much.


Last edited by onTheRoad on Tue Jun 21, 2011 1:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: on the road thread
PostPosted: Sat May 28, 2011 8:48 am 
Offline

Joined: Fri May 13, 2011 12:58 pm
Posts: 168
Lesson 13

Healthy recovery patterns

I see myself being somewhere in Actual recovery. I can identify myself with traits across the entire spectrum of this group. I do accept I have struggled with immoral behaviors in the past, as opposed to times of early recovery when I have just suppressed all thoughts of such behaviors and value contradictions. I am totally focused on changing the present and realize that changing the past is impossible. Lately I have thought a lot about how I managed my life with a dual personality in the past and how it was destroying me. I am committed to taking responsibility or my actions and in this way I do not want do do anything I am not willing to accept responsibility for. I am looking forward to being proud of my decisions in the future. I realize I need to master the skills of managing my life and emotions that will remove any doubt in making decisions that would contradict my values. I don't think I ever really used powerlessness as and excuse or anything but I feel I was unsuccessful in managing the urges as I had done nothing to learn how to manage my life. I do avoid triggers, but I don't really fear them as I feel I can manage them and prove myself I am doing better. Failure or relapse probably is present is most recoveries, in my case I think it has made me understand that I indeed have I problem and made me better understand the nature of the problem. I do realize that I experience the same feelings as others, but I also realize I had not learned how to manage them in the past. I am looking for to being a healthy person who will look back to the life from I distance. I do tend to have an emotional relapse as I think of the hurt I've done to others. Especially in the last couple of days I have felt remorse, depression and helplessness. I wish to get rid of all the things that are connected with my addiction, not because they would trigger me, but because I just don't want them lying around.

I know that prior to starting the exercises I did not really understand how I was supposed to change and went about it the wrong way. The unhealthy recovery patterns definitely were there and the healthy weren't so good either. I think was making some progress but it wasn't in the right direction. This exercises really made me understand the nature of addiction a whole lot better, for which I am really thankful. It has really strengthen my desire to change as I can finally see a feasible way out, into healthy life. I know I am still not there but I already see my perception of the world changing.

Update:
I don't know. At the time I was writing this I was still hiding so much, which means I wasn't ready to take full responsibility. It was really hard to separate all the past behaviors with who I know I can be (especially in the eyes of SO), meaning I was really afraid to admit everything. I know I piled up so many lies over time all I was doing was just protecting the lies by making up more lies and soon I would need to make up more lies to protect the ones I have made to protect the past ones. Such life is just impossible for me and everyone around me. I can't live with it any more, it's just too much.
I am experiencing some traits of the early recovery, like extreme negative emotions like depression, anxiety, hopelessness and suicide. I don't want to recover just for a limited amount of time. I did try to do this in the past, like I thought, things will calm down and I will probably be able to get away with some compulsive behavior in the future. I'm done with that, I'm fed up with it. I just want to live. As with testing potentially triggering situations.. I don't know sometimes I notice sexual imagery like in internet banners or on magazines covers, but I turn away and I don't seek them out. I'm trying to kill all the thought processes connected to sexual imagery, but in this world it can be a challenge.
I feel relief in having my behavior understood when it happens. I would like to experience it more.
My so probably experiences me as kinda "pathetic" a lot of the times.


Last edited by onTheRoad on Tue Jun 21, 2011 1:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: on the road thread
PostPosted: Mon May 30, 2011 3:35 pm 
Offline

Joined: Fri May 13, 2011 12:58 pm
Posts: 168
Daily monitoring


Was I totally honest in communiction with my partner today?
Did I initiate a meningfull conversation with my partner today?
Did I make my partner laugh at least once today?
Did I offer non-sexual affection to my partner today?
Did I take any time to exercise today?
Did I eat healthy today?
Did I take any time to learn something new today?
Did I wake up early today?
Was I stressing about my work or something else today?
Did I make any promisses I can't keep today?
Did I engage in any compulsive behaviour today?


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: on the road thread
PostPosted: Tue May 31, 2011 2:37 pm 
Offline

Joined: Fri May 13, 2011 12:58 pm
Posts: 168
Lesson 15

What have I learned?

Well the most important thing I have learned is that I had not managed my life efficiently. I guess I didn't manage it at all. I made all my decisions at the moment, most of them were based on instant gratification and/or daily ritual. The daily ritual involved sexually compulsive behavior such as watching porn and masturbating. I learned that such compulsive behavior became I value for me and I used the behavior to comfort me and to manage my stress. As over the years my other values had become dwarfed by my compulsive behavior I needed it to substitute my lack of values. I was ashamed of my behavior because I realized it is socially unacceptable and generally wrong, so trough lies and deceit I established a dual personality, where one of them was the personality I wanted other to perceive and the other was engaging in sexual behavior. That allowed me not to take responsibility for my compulsive behavior.

I realized that if I am to get rid of this addiction I need to get rid of the dual personality and take responsibility for my actions. In order to achieve this I need to establish I string set of values, so I will not need compulsive behavior to substitute the lack of them.

I my daily life i think I a lot more about my decisions and their consequences. I ask my self I am prepared to take responsibility for my actions. Towards myself and towards others. I generally think a lot more about my life, my values and where I want my life to go.


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 154 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 11  Next

All times are UTC - 5 hours


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 8 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group