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PostPosted: Sun Sep 06, 2015 12:34 am 

Joined: Sun Jun 29, 2014 9:48 pm
Posts: 45
'too soon, too much, unfair'... Polesden, your gut is giving you the right signals loud and clear...

if I have learned anything in this bloody, soul destroying and soul rebuilding recovery, it is to trust my gut, to claim my truth and to call out the gaslighting that I was subjected to for years...and that is a pervasive tool of the addict, who choose that as way to minimize the emotionally abusive behaviour that is their modus operandi... and that is oh so much part of early recovery... I did not know this 4 years ago, but I do know, now, and I respectfully and compassionately suggest that ,dear sister in pain, you are screaming it from your gut, and it appears to me that you may want to consider that you are being manipulated... and I say this in love and heartfelt compassion, having been there...

and from what I am reading of your post.... may I posit from a place of 4 years of this recovery experience, and from a place of oh so understanding your hurt and you so wanting to make sense of what what done to your spirit, and knowing that your self esteem and broken heart and spirit need to heal and rebuilt after being decimated and broken...your partner needs to cut you some slack and be there to make you feel safe after shattering your foundation...and when you say that is too soon, too much and unfair, he needs to listen and hear you, and honour and respect your heart...if he chooses not to, that is not not making your feel safe, a foundamental part of self care... to feel safe...

'feeding his soul', 10 weeks post discovery, sounds a bit rich... who is listening to your soul...who was feeding your soul in all this time pre-discovery...and now so early in are traumatized and oh so hurting... and the fact that your partner is doing what sounds to me like a guilt trip is more of the minimizing and crazy making of pre discovery and early recovery...

your partner can practice making choice for the honour, respect the coupleship, and in the process make you feel safe... not feed a solo ego.

it is too soon, too much, unfair...

self-care, loving yourself from a place of self-esteem and respect... your voice is saying it in your gut and heart...say it out loud, and claim your right to be heard and respected...


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