Recovery Nation

Personal Development Forum
It is currently Fri Dec 13, 2019 4:59 am

All times are UTC - 5 hours




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 3 posts ] 
Author Message
PostPosted: Sat Oct 24, 2015 2:11 pm 
Offline

Joined: Mon Jul 13, 2015 12:43 pm
Posts: 83
I find a lot of hope by reading the forum posts of the more advanced recovery members. However, I've noticed I have to be extremely careful about what I read. Some of their posts trigger the hell out of me and make me want to post angry responses pointing out how childish, insensitive and entitled their comments are. For instance, part of me wanted to open this to both sides and ask if they realize how they sound. It was only the realization that the healthy recovery members would be able to, the newer recovery members would be insulted and might even damage their recovery. Simply the act of coming here, posting and trying is enough for me to give them credit for their effort. So perhaps a lot of this is my own issues.

I have a hard enough time dealing with this in my own relationship so when it pops up here I realize I need to take some time away from reading their posts.

On the other hand, (I don't want to name individuals and point anyone on the spot), I am truly in awe of some of the response posts from the recovering members, even jealous at times that my partner isn't able to see the world as clearly as some of the recovery members. It takes a lot to not compare them, it's obviously completely unfair and unreasonable to do so. I'm trying to focus on using their ability to recover as long term hope for my own situation.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sat Oct 24, 2015 5:37 pm 
Offline
Partner's Mentor

Joined: Thu Apr 18, 2013 11:38 pm
Posts: 515
my first year or so here I spent a decent amount of time reading the recovery side. I was a clue hunter: trying to find patterns that I might match with my husband, to gain perspective, and often to gain hope. And, like you, I waivered between frustration with the selfishness I saw communicated by those in earlier recovery, and awe/hope over the wisdom of some of the longer-term members who had integrated recovery and maturity into their lives. I couldn't help but hold them up, in my mind, as examples of the type of person I wished my husbband to become.

But there came a point where this turned into unhealthy behavior for me. I'd learned enough to know the patterns, and in many ways it was pain shopping, so I stopped.

Our partners' recovery paths, if they choose recovery, are unique to them. Sadly, we know many do not choose to move into complete, total health. As human beings, we cannot help but hope our partners will be in the X percent of people who do fully recovery. It's natural.

You might ask if you've learned enough about recovery (as you know there's a workshop lesson on signs of recovery, too) and whether it's time to really shift your focus to you.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sun Oct 25, 2015 2:07 pm 
Offline

Joined: Mon Jul 13, 2015 12:43 pm
Posts: 83
Meepmeep, thank you for the reply.

I'm definitely focused on me but still don't have anywhere near enough knowledge on the subject to be judgmental nor do I make direct comparisons with my partner. It's more of an overview.

I do appreciate you letting me know I'm not alone in the awe/frustration principal. It has helped a lot to see the recovery side since it also teaches me that this isn't something only my partner does...it's all a giant learning process and I root for the recovery folks as much as I'm frustrated by them. It's a strange phenomenon but I can imagine how difficult it is to be on the other side now where before it was all just anger.


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 3 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 5 hours


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group