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PostPosted: Tue Apr 09, 2019 2:00 am 
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Joined: Wed Nov 14, 2018 2:39 am
Posts: 148
I have a question for the RN mentors and coaches, any feedback would be appreciated?

After 5 months I have completed my workshop, but it was never my intention to stop and sit back, I am not naive enough to think everything is now sorted.
During these months, I have mentioned many times that I also attend an SAA group once a week and I felt it was added help towards my recovery, I felt that the workshop & the meetings worked well for me.
I am now at the stage of taking the "12 Steps", which I know has a slightly different mindset from the workshop, Does anyone have any advice or reasons for not doing so?

Thanks in advance.
T

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“Change your thoughts, change your life.” ~Lao Tzu
Regards
T


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 09, 2019 4:53 am 
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Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
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Location: UK
Hello T
congratulations in completion of the workshop, give yourself a big pat on the back, then reflect as you have noted
you are not done yet
you have travelled far and I believe that you now have the tools the wherewithal and the belief in yourself to become the best that you can become

You should carry on, perhaps consider mentoring herein?

now you asked
Quote:
I am now at the stage of taking the "12 Steps", which I know has a slightly different mindset from the workshop, Does anyone have any advice or reasons for not doing so?


I believe that if it is useful then one should use every tool in the box, but note the word useful
if it works for you and it is healthy then do it
I tried for a short while and SLAA did not suit / work for me
I tried it very early in my journey , you are much further along
I found the passing of responsibility to a higher power negative
I am was and always will be responsible and accountable for my choices and actions
The talking openly helped, but I also felt some members held on to their addiction with some sense of pride

my experience turned me away but that should not put you off
you are getting to be in a good place, going into the 12 step is unlikely to damage that process, will it help
you know what I am going to say
YOU CHOOSE

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Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 10, 2019 2:04 am 
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Joined: Wed Nov 14, 2018 2:39 am
Posts: 148
Thanks for the input Kenzo,

I have to admit that as far as the SAA are concerned, I enjoy the meetings and sharing face to face with others, but I struggle with the "higher power" bit too.
I even use the serenity prayer regularly, but do not dwell on the "god" part, as the rest of it makes sense.

I have thought about mentoring on RN, but not sure if I have enough experience to impart as yet.

_________________
“Change your thoughts, change your life.” ~Lao Tzu
Regards
T


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PostPosted: Sun May 12, 2019 9:09 pm 
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Joined: Fri Jun 28, 2013 9:31 pm
Posts: 246
Hello Theseus1112 .....

i echo Kenzo, WELL DONE, as well as "you sare not done yet....."

i don't believe that you can EVER be done with recovery on all levels. You need to keep all of your tools "at the ready" at all times, and yes, that IS experience speaking ....

Just having completed the workshop gives you a huge step up on most here and you insights looking back could be a great help to most of us .....


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PostPosted: Mon May 13, 2019 4:20 am 
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Joined: Wed Nov 14, 2018 2:39 am
Posts: 148
Thanks for your comments 62andbroken,

I will endeavour to keep posting on here, and will also let you know how I do with the 12 steps also.

_________________
“Change your thoughts, change your life.” ~Lao Tzu
Regards
T


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PostPosted: Wed May 15, 2019 7:09 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 3846
Location: UK
Hi T
Quote:
I have thought about mentoring on RN, but not sure if I have enough experience to impart as yet.


your simple statement
Quote:
I am not naive enough to think everything is now sorted.

tells me that you have the experience that you doubt
you have experienced the dark side of addiction, faced your weakness and have changed

Mentoring / coaching helps to broaden ones outlook and encourages one to self analyse further, I believe it helps me whilst hopefully giving something back helps others, there is no obligation on you but again what do you have to lose?

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Thu May 16, 2019 2:56 am 
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Joined: Wed Nov 14, 2018 2:39 am
Posts: 148
Thank you Kenzo,

I will have a long hard think about it.

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“Change your thoughts, change your life.” ~Lao Tzu
Regards
T


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 08, 2019 2:01 am 
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Joined: Wed Nov 14, 2018 2:39 am
Posts: 148
Resurrecting this thread I posted, to give you all an update on how I am doing with SAA.

The reason for bringing it up again is that I just read John's take on SAA and I liked it a lot.

The negatives for me are the 12 steps themselves, unlike this workshop they are not "in depth" enough.
I am doing step 4 right now and it does make you stop and think which is good, but I see future steps being far too linked to the "higher power"
Some of the steps such as 5 are repetitive - I openly discuss step 4 at the group or with a sponsor. Seems to me that it should be the end of step 4 rather than a step in its own right.
Overall I feel it lacks the basis for healthy recovery, there are no workshops to help you really improve.

On the plus side, I enjoy going to the group each week and I think this helps me enormously to stay focused. John's writing at the end has summed it up for me.
Quote:
Beyond your personal motivation and commitment, there are few better indicators for success than your ability to get involved with a healthy, live (face-to-face, ongoing) support system. In a Health Based Recovery, your participation in the twelve steps is considered on the same plane as any other value that you may hold. It is YOUR value. Our focus will be on your ability to derive the greatest value from it.


Your comments are welcome.

_________________
“Change your thoughts, change your life.” ~Lao Tzu
Regards
T


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 19, 2019 11:11 am 
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Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 5:29 am
Posts: 393
Hi T,

I was interested to read this thread through and for your comments about the 12 Steps.

I would agree with Kenzo's previous comments on this. 12 Steps, like any tool, should be assessed personally for what elements will benefit you and which will not and to choose to pursue those beneficial elements accordingly. It sounds like you have found the meetings themselves a good thing as it gives you the opportunity to discuss things openly within a secure group of like minded individuals. I would also suggest that the regular meetings will give you continued focus on your recovery. I know only too well how moving away from RN can all too easily lead you to lose that focus so anything that can prevent that must be a help to you.

During my recent absence i see that you have taken up Kenzo's challenge to mentor, well done for doing that and i hope you get as much value from this as i have.

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L2R

A clean life; a clear conscience


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 20, 2019 2:01 am 
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Joined: Wed Nov 14, 2018 2:39 am
Posts: 148
Thanks LTR.

I do find SAA meetings a great way to stay focused, I also enjoy being supportive to others, but I would say that RN was and continues to be my main tool for recovery.

_________________
“Change your thoughts, change your life.” ~Lao Tzu
Regards
T


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PostPosted: Fri Dec 06, 2019 4:44 am 
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Joined: Tue Jun 13, 2017 1:26 am
Posts: 63
Finished the workshop, but I'm not a mentor here. This may not be the answer to your question, but your threat induced some thoughts, and I want to share it here, sorry if it's sketchy :)

Everything that you do for your recovery in my view - can be done in tandem. I guess there is no need to say that one thing or the other is the only way out of an addiction. Nevertheless, I found RN to be extremely helpful, and yet this is online platform and maybe somebody needs to get out of isolation. Groups may suffice for this reason.

To me sponsoring is giving back and at the same time consolidating your own post-recovery life. I am a sponsor in a group that is not related to sex addiction, but still it keeps me focused and helps to deal with traumatic events in my childhood (it is another story, but my porn addiction is closely related to it so I kinda found the last pieces of a jigsaw puzzle). Would I be a good (not going for perfection haha) sponsor in here? I had 1 slip (not a full-blown relapse) while doing the workshop and 1 slip after the workshop, because of complacency. My answer would be that at this moment - Yes and No, I would be a good sponsor, but not a "very" good one due to abandoned values, vision and management skills(time,emotions,life etc.) it would be hypocritical to lead another person while you're struggling in those spheres, however, I may consider doing that here, just I don't feel like it now.
:pe: Any thoughts on this guys?


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PostPosted: Fri Dec 06, 2019 5:51 am 
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Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 5:29 am
Posts: 393
Hi ML,

First of all, congratulations for completing the workshop, it takes a lot of dedication and perseverance so well done for that.

Sponsoring and mentoring are both good ways to give back if you feel that you would like to do that. I have certainly appreciated RN as a free resource and have got so much out of it that i felt it was the right thing to do to help others who are still on their journey. If you have ever looked at my thread you will see that i have battled at times with the concept of offering advice to others when I am struggling myself but in some ways, it is a lot of easier to offer advice to someone else even if you aren't following it yourself because you can be more objective about other people. I would like to think that the members being offered advice take it that way and do not see it devalued because you yourself are struggling. Also, I feel quite strongly that the success and longevity of RN being made available to those that need it and as a free resource relies on those who have made it through the workshop to mentor and to help others otherwise it will not be sustainable. If you think back to your early lessons where you have coaches and mentors stop by to offer help or guidance then those things are valued, i can certainly remember feeling that way myself. If no-one ever stops by to help then i would have got a feeling that i could get lost in the lessons without realising and then learn the wrong things. In that sense, CoachJon's vision of a self-generating free resource was pure genius but it relies on us all to make sure that happens. Regardless of any lapses you may have experienced (and by the sounds of it you have done far better than i had at your stage) you will hopefully have learned valuable lessons from those lapses. That gives you experience which you can share with others. Recovery isn't about being perfect, it is about choosing a healthy life and learning when you make mistakes along the way, that is just life.

Mentoring is a bit of a commitment but with enough mentors it shares around the job to make it manageable. I also think members benefit from different mentors' perspectives. So if you get to a stage where you would like to do it then perhaps post to your thread and we can arrange for your status to be changed. Whatever your choice, well done again and good luck with the next phase of your recovery.

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L2R

A clean life; a clear conscience


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 07, 2019 4:06 am 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Wed Nov 14, 2018 2:39 am
Posts: 148
I have been mentoring for a couple of months now I can say that I am enjoying the experience and it is another tool to keep me focused.

As far as SAA is concerned I will not be sponsoring in the near future, the reason for that is that I have not come to agree with the spiritual side of things and I am unsure if I ever will. It does not stop me from going to the group each week to share with, and support the guys there.

_________________
“Change your thoughts, change your life.” ~Lao Tzu
Regards
T


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