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PostPosted: Fri Aug 22, 2014 2:36 pm 
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Joined: Fri Jan 25, 2013 1:59 pm
Posts: 127
Today I screamed . I got into my car sat there and screamed and screamed and screamed and cried and shouted . I ranted i raved i hit the steering wheel . I lost it completely lost it . I screamed for 20 plus minutes . My body shook , my voice was unable to put two words together without stuttering and I cried how I cried . 
I'm exhausted as I type this on my phone but I feel so alone and I know you will listen and I know we have all felt this pain . 
My life is stuck he won't leave I can't , he acts as if it's all ok . He want to continue as normal , I am not normal , I know now . I know he will continue as he refuses help . I cant live with an acting out addict . I have to find a compromise a way , I have faith , there must be a reason for this but I wish I knew what it was . 
I know I will be ok I know we will all be ok one day but this addiction is cruel . Loving the good in someone but seeing their dark side , dealing with it hurting from it is crushing .
I started to get better stronger and then he drew me in with a little hope but it was a lie it's ways a lie . 
He runs, avoids Infact I think the essay for SA was modelled on him . 
So as I'm crying having my own little pity party (I need it ) I m thinking of all of us if I could hold you tight I would . 
Typing this I have calmed my breathing rate has dropped , thank you all  at RN . You don't know me , will never meet me , but you  allow 
Me a safe place to be to just be . I can write my feelings and you understand .
Where would I be without you . Take care you brave kind caring human beings . 
Venting has let go of my hurt I'm calm . Now 
NDT x x


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 23, 2014 2:20 am 
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Partner's Mentor

Joined: Wed Apr 29, 2009 10:49 pm
Posts: 3834
:g: It's more than OK to scream, shout, rant, hit the steering wheel when we feel overwhelmed with our situation. It's better to let the lid blow once in a while rather than trying to hold all that steam in. Yours/ours is not a normal situation consequently we feel out of balance because our lives are out of balance. You know that. He avoids it. He is afraid of himself and what he has done. You are being the best you that you can be, and that's HUGE, HUGE!

We are all in this together - that's the gift of this amazing community. You are not alone, and I am inviting a group hug to send your way. ((((()))))))) Here's mine.....look at my arms wrapped all around you. :w:

Nellie


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