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 Post subject: Re: Dan's Recovery
PostPosted: Tue Mar 23, 2021 7:54 am 
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Joined: Tue Jan 15, 2019 4:13 am
Posts: 103
Supplemental Lesson: What is Love Addiction

From the supplemental lesson, I can connect with the Love Addiction Symptoms that Coach Jon experienced such as the following:
- Most required an intense, deeply-rooted need to have them like me. To tell me they love me. Until that happened, most actions within the relationship were geared towards achieving that goal.
- There was an intense, constant hypersensitivity/pressure within the relationship; and a constant need for reassurance.
- In many relationships, there was an obsessive nature behind my acts - constantly checking up on my partners to assure that they weren't cheating on me.
- In many relationships, there was a considerable, hair-triggered sense of jealousy - which was triggered by the fear of them meeting someone 'better' than me and/or leaving me.
- In many relationships, there was the need to be the end-all to their existence. Healthy boundaries…mutual growth…partnership? No idea what you are talking about.

Reflecting on my past relationships, I can assess that I was also partly a love addict since there are elements that I can connect to but more on sexual compulsion and porn addiction.

And I can assess, that the emotions that I feel from love addiction were part of my childhood trauma. I am currently reading a book titled "Reinventing Your Life by Jeffrey E. Young" and I have been gaining insight into my abandonment and trust issues, my self-esteem, social exclusion, and my self-expression problems. I really recommend this book and really put the effort into making the exercises.

Defeating this addiction is more about really getting to know oneself and building the life that you want. No matter the external factors, as you continue to do things that bring satisfaction to your life healthily, you will live a great and happy life.

_________________
"I Think For The Most Part If You're Really Honest With Yourself About What You Want Out of Life, Life Gives It To You" - Ted Mosby (Josh Radnor)


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 Post subject: Re: Dan's Recovery
PostPosted: Wed Mar 31, 2021 12:19 am 
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Joined: Tue Jan 15, 2019 4:13 am
Posts: 103
Soul... Meaning... Connection... Purpose...

Clarity. Clarity of who you are. Of who you want to be and your purpose. There are many things that I consider to be part of who I am. So many things that I want to do, to derive value from. Too many connections that I want to build that I can derive value from (that I still continue to build). Other areas about myself that I want to share with the people around me and with the world. And things that I want to do to keep that fire burning in my heart and in my soul.

Every day I take small steps toward that purpose. Every day, I give my best to bring out that full potential of me. I wanted to share the things that I've learned and to share the things that I do that keeps me healthy.

Sometimes, I just need someone to share my life with. Sometimes I just want to feel the true care that I provide to the people around me. What I want for myself is care. True and genuine care. But as I have realized, I will attract people when I first learn to love myself and treat myself how I wanted to be treated. It all starts within me. And I want to keep this up and attract genuine care.

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"I Think For The Most Part If You're Really Honest With Yourself About What You Want Out of Life, Life Gives It To You" - Ted Mosby (Josh Radnor)


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 Post subject: Re: Dan's Recovery
PostPosted: Thu Apr 01, 2021 7:14 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 4034
Location: UK
Hi D
Quote:
Every day, I give my best to bring out that full potential of me. I wanted to share the things that I've learned and to share the things that I do that keeps me healthy.
:g: :g: :g: :g: :g:

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Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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 Post subject: Re: Dan's Recovery
PostPosted: Mon Apr 19, 2021 8:41 am 
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Joined: Tue Jan 15, 2019 4:13 am
Posts: 103
Thank you, Coach Kenzo,

Aaaahh.. Real-life isn't it. I just went home last week and at that exact moment, my father was diagnosed with Covid 19. Sometimes, there are just unforeseen circumstances in life.

I've been searching for answers on what I want to do in my life. And I was trying too hard to find them, I should have listened to myself more back then. What I want is to become independent from my parents. My parents have given me emotional scars that I am trying to heal from right now. And maybe, that was the reason that I was addicted to pornography. I was subjugated. I was criticized to become the perfect son. And even still right now, I still feel being used for their self-gain. As I can see with what's happening with my younger siblings, the same patterns are taking action.

I was blinded by my fears. Fears that I would not succeed. Fears that I would meet the wrong people in my path. Fear that I would not have abundant money for myself. Fear that I would become alone and would not meet people in the journey. Fear that I would not achieve my full potential. But right now, I know for myself, that I don't want to be dependent on them anymore and I want to start my own life. To become free and responsible for my actions. I don't want someone dictating my actions. And I don't want how they treat me, especially my father. Yes, he has abundant sources of money, but the way he treats me, makes me feel oppressed. No, I am not fully cutting ties with them, but I am doing this for myself and for my self-esteem. I want to try and achieve for my own. And I want to explore what I want in life and what I can offer the world.

Wish me luck on this upcoming journey my friends and brothers. I feel, that this is one of my biggest meanings.

_________________
"I Think For The Most Part If You're Really Honest With Yourself About What You Want Out of Life, Life Gives It To You" - Ted Mosby (Josh Radnor)


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 Post subject: Re: Dan's Recovery
PostPosted: Mon Apr 19, 2021 11:39 pm 
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Joined: Tue Jan 15, 2019 4:13 am
Posts: 103
Unprepared Relapse Due to Complacency and Continued Decline on My Values: April 20, 2021

After Finishing Recovery Nation, it seems that my time for my readings and recovery have decreased drastically. I was complacent. I thought the life that I am living right now would help me continue to the healthy life that I was imagining. My time for reflections decreased. My time checking on what values I am building decreased. And setting goals each morning for the values that I want to develop was not in place anymore. I, was again, in the mercy of my emotions.

Going back, the slips started when I went to a certain city and started helping my father for his business, last January 2021. I was overworked that time; I was not having enough sleep and rest. And I was not eating the right food for my body. Being in a new place, I was not good enough setting boundaries. I was there, absorbing the traits of the people that I am meeting. Drinking alcohol about twice a week, not exercising, overworking, and skipping meals. It lasted for a month, and I returned home for about a week. I rested, tried to return to my healthy habits of eating good food and exercising, meditating and setting goals. That month of January, I remember that I have slipped once, masturbated out of too much stress.
For the month of February and March, I moved again and went to the Metro, a different town from before. The month of February was good, I was in cruise mode, and I was meeting new people, people the same of my age and are healthier. I was really enjoying my stay here and learning more about new people. But my time on Recovery Nation continued to decrease, I only posted or checked about my Recovery about every two to three weeks, and my efforts on my Recovery dwindled, and I am sometimes missing my Weekly Monitoring. There are 5 Mondays in the Month of March (I do my Weekly Monitoring every Monday since this is my free day) and I only monitored myself, twice. I thought this is it, this is the transition that I am taking toward a healthy life. But maybe, I was too confident and complacent. I was wrong.

For the Month of March, I acted out twice, when the imposed lockdown on the city started, since the number of cases for covid started to spike. And I didn’t take steps for learning what to change my behavior. It started when I brought my phone again inside the bathroom, which I was starting to get rid of. And ended up learning, that there is a loophole in my phone blocker, there was a website that wasn’t blocked.

The flow of behavior was like this…
1. Started bringing my phone in the bathroom, used to listen to music while taking a bath, checking emails, watching YouTube and social media while doing my stuff in the toilet. Thought this would be okay since I have blockers, saves time for me. And there were advantages.
2. There was a time I was so stressed with my school lessons and the things that are happening in my life. Felt restricted due to the imposed lockdown and I was not getting out of the room I am staying (I had roommates btw). Again, normal routine, brought my phone into the bathroom, and then mindlessly scrolled through social media that had made a trigger in my mind.
3. Looked for old sites, Google searched them and found that they were blocked. There was anxiety building up. I know that they are blocked and was okay. But just tried and tried pressing links. And unexpectedly, a link opened up (not blocked), and I was enticed.
4. Proceeded to my ritual. At first, I was confused, I know this is against my values, but the call for pleasure was there. I was hooked, and I made my decision to continue. I continued the ritual.
5. After doing the ritual, I recorded it. I was trying to make a solution out of it. I made a quick solution, I chose the “I Can Do This Strategy.” And I again, made the wrong decision.
6. My relapse today made me reflect that this is not working. Last night, I was in bed and was using my mobile phone, and again, a thought came out and it led me to act out. Another one was today, while I was in the bathroom. So, in the month of April, I acted out twice, and they were between the span of a few hours.

So, I need to make a solution out of this. Something not complicated and just plain simple. The problem is that, porn become available to me, and the values that I am developing was not strong enough to support me to make the right decisions. I think, I need to get back my efforts and be more focused on my Recovery. I want to transition to that healthy life, and I am doing this for myself not for anyone else.
As a start, I am going to read and reflect to my posts in this website. And also, I am going to get back on my Vision. Recheck my journals on what I am doing before. And do the things that are working and I am missing.
For the blocker part, I would let my sister block it for me.

Hope this works, and will continue the journey. Abstinence is required, but it is not the measure of success. The measure is to live a healthy life, using my values as a guide of making decisions for myself.

_________________
"I Think For The Most Part If You're Really Honest With Yourself About What You Want Out of Life, Life Gives It To You" - Ted Mosby (Josh Radnor)


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 Post subject: Re: Dan's Recovery
PostPosted: Tue Apr 20, 2021 5:54 pm 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Tue Jan 15, 2019 4:13 am
Posts: 103
Started this Day with My Morning Jog

Wow! Didn’t expect that I have missed jogging in the morning so bad. Exercise was really a big part of me. It was my first exercise routine since the early weeks of March.

I am very positive to accomplish so many things for this day. I would continue the journey. I really felt great. I remember something that I’ve learned; “Go to the gym once, and you will see no results. Go to the gym for one week straight and you will still see no results. Work out for a whole day and you will see no results. Go to the gym three to four times a week, about an hour of workout each day for about a month and you will see a small amount of progress.”

Things in life needs consistency. And as of now, in my stage of Recovery, I still need to ingrain myself with the healthy habits that I wanted to build. And continue to build on those areas that I want to strengthen. Having the decline in my values have got me to a setback. But it does not mean that I have gone back to square one. I am positive that as I put my efforts again in returning to my habits and reflecting on my values, I would fully transition to become healthy. Managing my life, instead of managing my emotions.

_________________
"I Think For The Most Part If You're Really Honest With Yourself About What You Want Out of Life, Life Gives It To You" - Ted Mosby (Josh Radnor)


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 Post subject: Re: Dan's Recovery
PostPosted: Wed Apr 28, 2021 10:31 pm 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Tue Jan 15, 2019 4:13 am
Posts: 103
Start Where You Started...
Go Back To Your Values...

Have done my Weekly Monitoring and I can tell that it's not that ideal.
I have a lot of catching up to do with my habits and my values.
I have made a document what I want again with my life, and to reflect how well I am doing it.
Will go back to my proactive plans.
Will go back with monitoring my actions.
I can't let my emotions just guide me on my actions.

Short term discomfort for long term stability and health.
Setting boundaries and learning how to become a healthy sociable person.
Step by step again.
Celebrate progress.

Sigh...

Let's keep moving forward.

_________________
"I Think For The Most Part If You're Really Honest With Yourself About What You Want Out of Life, Life Gives It To You" - Ted Mosby (Josh Radnor)


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 Post subject: Re: Dan's Recovery
PostPosted: Wed May 05, 2021 8:21 am 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Tue Jan 15, 2019 4:13 am
Posts: 103
I’ve Done My Weekly Monitoring...

And I think I’m slowly taking steps going back to where I was before. I’ve committed to exercising. To eating healthy. To having great talks with people but also setting boundaries.

I’m committing myself to do the nightly boundary awareness so that I may check on where I am lacking.

Sometimes, I don’t know where do I still lack with my current values that I am building, or perhaps, I may be building on those that I don’t really value that much. It more on reflection. I need to recheck my vision.

Will continue the journey. :g:

_________________
"I Think For The Most Part If You're Really Honest With Yourself About What You Want Out of Life, Life Gives It To You" - Ted Mosby (Josh Radnor)


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 Post subject: Re: Dan's Recovery
PostPosted: Wed May 12, 2021 7:44 am 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Tue Jan 15, 2019 4:13 am
Posts: 103
Triggers are Internal... Not External

From the Free Porn Supplementary Lesson. I’ve realized that I was fighting triggers in the wrong way. I was always looking for things that may cause me to relapse and I am always on high awareness which causes me to feel drained. Such an example is that I run away from normal tech gadgets that normal people use everyday, I can remember before, I have switched my Smartphone to a Dumb Phone which have removed the convenience in my daily life. But now, I had made the confidence to use my mobile phone and there was minimal incidence with my behavior.

What I’m struggling now, are other tech gadgets that are all around our house. Spare Smartphones, Game consoles, Smart TV which can sometimes call my attention. But mostly, I had access with spare Smartphone (android phones) and that’s the reason for my past relapses.

They don’t have the power to trigger me, but the emotions at I am feeling are the ones that I need to become aware of and is needed to be changed by not acting out, and feel the real confidence in my core personality.

_________________
"I Think For The Most Part If You're Really Honest With Yourself About What You Want Out of Life, Life Gives It To You" - Ted Mosby (Josh Radnor)


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