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PostPosted: Wed Dec 29, 2021 11:27 am 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Fri Oct 04, 2019 3:29 pm
Posts: 171
Hi BeautySeeker

Just a quick note to encourage you in your ongoing progress through the workshop. Its great to see that you've still been working through the lessons even at such a busy time of the year. I was really impressed by the depth of your work on lesson 20, and some of the painful memories from your childhood that you shared so honestly. Thankyou for your bravery in doing so, and I hope that it is helping you to share so openly. It certainly feels as if you are gaining some fresh insights along the way, so keep up the good work.

Stay safe.

Tim


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 30, 2021 9:00 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 23, 2021 12:35 am
Posts: 33
Hey Tim,

Thanks for the kind words. I have been working on myself a great deal so that's helped in be able to be a bit more vunerable. I still have work to do though. Hope the holidays are going well for you.

Floyd

Lesson 22 Exercise:
1. Consider a very simple ritual that you have engaged in.
- Masturbating to porn

2. Identify three or four elements of that ritual (e.g. physical sensory stimulation; danger; orgasm; accomplishment).
- Sensory (touch), Sensory (visual), Orgasm

3. For each element, assign a relative number for the amount of stimulation you think you derive from this particular element. These numbers are relevant only to you and in relation to other elements that you experience.
- Sensory (touch) = 2
- Sensory (visual) = 3
- Orgasm = 1

4. For each element, consider the effects of each of the three filters on the stimulation derived from that element. Does it increase the stimulation? Decrease the stimulation? Have no effect? Have a mixed effect (as in, sometimes it increases, other times it decreases)?.
- Sensory (touch)
- Time = slow gradual increase in stimulation; I will give this a '4.'
- Intensity = Find myself squeezing to derive more intensity but no longer adding other behaviors to my rituals; I will give this a '6.'
- Habituation = '3'; This is not a stimulating as it was to begin with.
- Sensory (visual)
- Time = Will give this a '3' as I search and skip to more videos I get closer and close to orgasm
- Intensity = The intensity of the videos varies as I will sometimes feel too ashamed to watch the more aggressive ones. I will give this a '5'
- Habituation = Videos are definitely beginning to get old to me. I give it a '3.'
- Orgasm
- Time = occurs after a lot of effort; it's a '2'
- Intensity = is very stimulating while happening; it's a '6'
- Habituation = no real effect '1'


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 01, 2022 8:06 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 23, 2021 12:35 am
Posts: 33
Lesson 23 Exercise:
- Measuring compulsive behavior allows me to see the different parts of the behavior and how they impact my emotions. This will allow me to break down the sections of each aspect of my behavior so that I take more care to notice my triggers. Next, it will allow me to begin to gauge the emotional stimulation that an element will have on me. This will begin to break me away from the behavior as I will be able to notice the outcome of each of the events on my emotions before they happen. After that, it will show me that I have a sense of control. Being able to break the behavior down and notice how it will affect my emotions will give me more of an ability to decide if I should engage in it or replace it with a behavior that is aligned with my values.


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 02, 2022 11:23 am 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 4108
Location: UK
Hello BS
in the community forum you question the effect of time
but I believe your comments herein on your personal thread indicate that you already have answers to your question
Quote:
For each element, consider the effects of each of the three filters on the stimulation derived from that element. Does it increase the stimulation? Decrease the stimulation? Have no effect?


-
Quote:
Measuring compulsive behavior allows me to see the different parts of the behavior and how they impact my emotions.

measuring change takes time
emotions are cyclic hence are time dependant
addiction is driven by emotions
change takes time but that should never be used as an excuse for lack of progress
you are on track keep it up and have a happy healthy new year

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 03, 2022 7:45 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 23, 2021 12:35 am
Posts: 33
Thanks for your help Kenzo. I have a better picture of this now and know that I should be measuring emotional stimulation most importantly.

Lesson 24 Exercise:
1. Create your own Wheel of Sexual Compulsion that is more closely related to your behavior. This can be done by simply listing the cumulative elements involved in your compulsive behavior. This shouldn't take you more than five minutes. List these elements (associated with no particular ritual — but more your addiction in general) in your recovery thread.
- Sensory (touch)- masturbation
- Danger- ensuring my door is closed
- Suspense- going through porn categories
- Shame- feeling bad as I begin to masturbate again
- Fantasy- fantasizing I am with a pornstar or past sex with ex-girlfriends
- Power- fantasizing about aggressive sex with ex-girlfriends
- Poly addiction- smoking a cigarette or eating junk food after masturbation to porn
- Novelty- Can't remember the last time I completed on video or looked at one photo

2. Choose a real-life example of EVERY major sexual ritual that you engage in (these should be compulsive rituals, not healthy) and break each down into their smallest elements (based on the elements identified in your wheel of sexual compulsion).
- Masturbating to porn
- Feel boredom/loneliness/anxiety
- Think about masturbating to porn
- Immediately feel shame because of fear that this will lead to acting out.
- Make an excuse to myself saying I won't be able to stop anyway
-- Start touching penis
- Make sure the door to the room is closed and Turn on a loud youtube video on the computer so my family will not hear
- Pull up porn on phone (the more anxiety the harsher the porn)
- Apply lotion to my penis
- Begin watching videos or scrolling categories in Reddit.
- Begin masturbating
- Continuously switching categories for novelty
- Eventually find a category to orgasm and complete the orgasm
- Delete evidence of history and clean myself up

- Masturbating to a fantasy of past sex with ex-girlfriends
- Feel boredom/loneliness/anxiety
- begin fantasizing about sex with an ex-girlfriend (fantasy)
- Start touching penis
- Make sure the door to my room is closed and Turn on a loud youtube video on my computer so my family will
not hear
- Apply lotion to my penis
- Begin masturbating to fantasy
- Complete orgasm and clean myself

- Fantasizing about women on the street or in public places
- See women wearing pants, leggings, dresses, jeans, etc.
- Think about if anyone will see me
- Try to resist the urge to look
- Quickly look at women's butt
- Fantasize about doing things with the women
- Often feel shameful after

- Cybersex
- Contact friend who I know will engage in cybersex with me
- Begin touching penis on call
- Ensure my door is closed
- begin making explicit comments to a friend
- Friend shows my body parts
- I apply lotion to my penis
- I masturbate
- Orgasm
- No longer feel like talking to the friend after an orgasm


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 12, 2022 5:13 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 23, 2021 12:35 am
Posts: 33
Lesson 25 Exercise:
Compulsive Ritual: Masturbation to Pornography

1. Thought about masturbating to pornography
2. Felt shame guilt, etc.
3. Made excuse to myself that I won't be getting clean anytime soon anyway
4. Began viewing pornography
5. Closed my door and put on a loud youtube video so no one would hear me masturbating then covered up in blankets
6. began to apply lotion
7. Began masturbating to different images or videos
8. Orgasmed
9. Cleaned myself up and deleted my history


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 14, 2022 6:38 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 23, 2021 12:35 am
Posts: 33
Lesson 26 Exercise:
Masturbation to pornography:
1. In my room alone, feeling boredom
2. Got an urge to masturbate to videos on the internet
3. Felt shame for my behavior and told myself if I keep doing this my future will not be good.
4. Told myself that it's too difficult to hold out and felt hopeless.
5. Began touching myself for some excitement
6. Looked up videos of things I usually watch to become aroused
7. Felt anxious that one of my family members may hear me masturbating or burst into my room so made sure my door was closed and turned on a loud youtube video.
8. Began searching and skipping through videos while masturbating on and off to find the right one to orgasm too.
9. checked my Bluetooth connection twice to because I felt anxiety about my phone possibly being connected to the television even though I knew it wasn't
10. Orgasmed and felt immediate relief
11. Cleaned myself up and deleted my search history with a little anxiety that someone may catch me.


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