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PostPosted: Sun Nov 21, 2021 2:04 pm 
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Joined: Mon Feb 10, 2020 3:22 am
Posts: 85
Location: Canada
This is a work in progress for me, but I feel like I'm a wounded dog that seeks to suffer and die alone when suffering is great.
I've made great strides in expressing my emotions and my feelings during these situations which has helped me to not only understand those moments better, but it's also opened me up to honest feedback and/or criticism.
Why is the habit so great to shut down and just allow the pain and agony to become greater, instead of work through it?
I recognize that men typically are taught not to show or express emotion, is this the cause?
Is this a common symptom of those who feel shame and guilt?


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 23, 2021 12:15 pm 
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Recovery Coach

Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:07 pm
Posts: 4095
Location: UK
Hello FR
Quote:
I feel like I'm a wounded dog that seeks to suffer and die alone when suffering is great


do I sense a tinge of "feeling sorry for myself" ?
if so then you should rid yourself of this

remember writing a couple of years ago

Quote:
I will forever take it upon myself to learn how to grow, respect and nurture myself, my Wife, my marriage and my family.

live that strive for it with every sinew
you found this programme you bought into it you knew it would not be easy but you are doing it and you are becoming better for it
commit really and totally commit

you posted that you
Quote:
feel shame and guilt


as so do all addicts who finally admit that they have a problem and decide to do something about it
I am guily of doing the things that I did I am ashamed of the harm and destruction that I caused the choices that I made
I will always be so
but I own that guilt and shame not the other way round

I know that I will never be able to make ammends fully but that will not stop me from trying to do so

As THE COACH Jon says in one of the early lessons
Quote:
we need to put our guilt and shame to one side - FOR NOW


as you progress in your recovery you can accept the guilt and shame and use it to steel your resolve as difficulties arise and are then overcome
hope this helps

remember your values and live by them doing so helps with emotions that are after all both finite and cyclic

choose wisely

_________________
Remember recovery is more than abstinence
Every transition begins with an ending
Do not confuse happiness with seeking pleasure
stay healthy keep safe
Coach Kenzo


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 30, 2021 2:17 am 
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Recovery Mentor

Joined: Tue Jan 07, 2020 4:07 pm
Posts: 163
Quote:
Why is the habit so great to shut down and just allow the pain and agony to become greater, instead of work through it?



Hi FR,

I feel like you answered your own question with this question…it’s a habit. What we resist…persists!

The good thing is that we can update our habits if we be can be mindful of the results that we get from the behavior of whatever it is that we are doing.

There’s another health based recovery program I use that explores the idea of turning towards our anxiety with curiosity. If you can be curious, just for a moment, whatever are the physical sensations that you may be experiencing…it may help you relax into whatever is so overwhelming.

So maybe next time you’re shutting down…perhaps explore with a sense of curiosity…what does it feel like to be shutting down in my body? noting any physical sensations that may arise. contraction...tightness...whatever it is...

-fm fka lk


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